About

We’re all on a wild ride together. There’s no question about that. Every part of our life, from health, politics, cultural norms, climate, are in a state of crisis.

Depression and anxiety are skyrocketing. I don’t know about you, but it sometimes feels like life is spinning out of control.

When I sit down to write about sex, or speak to a group, or coach a client, this question, “why have sex?”, keeps bubbling up for me.

Even in the best of times, it’s important to answer this question for yourself, but these days of escalating urgency from the micro to the macro, why have sex?, is a question that is worth spending some time on.

Where does sex fit into this chaos and uncertainty?

Let’s look at some of the roles sex plays in our lives and why now more than ever we can turn to sex to help support our health and well-being.

Intimacy

Intimacy is my number one reason for keeping sex alive and fulfilling during stressful times. That applies to partner sex and solo sex. Intimacy with self is a prerequisite for intimacy with another.

Feeling intimate is a basic human need. Sexual intimacy is a uniquely potent experience. It requires us to open our bodies as well as our hearts. Being seen in our desire, and orgasmic energy is extremely intimate. We feel seen, accepted, and wanted. These experiences feed our hearts and souls, and all these feelings help to regulate us emotionally. When we’re being emotionally resourced by expressions of intimacy, we’re better able to meet the world’s demands with balance, calm and clarity.

Similarly, being sexually active and fulfilled impacts our self-esteem. Feeling loved up and satisfied brightens our day and how we relate to work, parenting, and the world. Everyone in our life benefits from our sexual satisfaction!

The Biology of Sex

From hormones to neurotransmitters, sex creates states of relaxation and closeness with a partner that can impact the relationship for days after sexual intimacy.

I was just speaking with a woman who said that the closeness she and her partner feel after sex is one her whys for having sex in the first place. She sees the difference it makes in her partner’s state of happiness and mood. This positively impacts how she views her partner, which in turn enhances his feelings of love and acceptance. And the wheels go around and round.

Orgasms don’t just feel good in the moment, they also help protect us from depression and anxiety. So partnered or solo, it is healthy to include orgasms in your mental fitness routine.