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1. During wax play: Sing 'Happy Birthday To Me' and blow out the candle. 2. In the middle of an intense cropping, close your eyes and start to snore. 3. During a scene, do a Howard Cosell impression and provide a play-by-play account of what is being done to you. 4. If your dom/me tells you to 'Look me in the eyes', do it cross-eyed. 5. If your dom/me decides to do a verbal humiliation scene with you in public, stick your fingers in your ears and say 'Neener, neener, neener, I can't hear you!'. 6. Stick an Alka-Seltzer tablet in your mouth at the beginning of a scene. Work u… Read more

1. Are you a pony? Well, haaaayyyyy. 2. Let’s play Devo and whip it! 3. Boy, is your name Matt? Cause you should be under my feet. 4. Do you like slapstick humor? It’s about to get real fucking funny. 5. Are you under-chewed food? ‘Cause you make me want to choke 6. I ate lucky charms for breakfast. Wanna see if I’m magically delicous? 7. You make my cock ring. 8. Life without you would be like a broken needle in my toy bag… pointless. 9. My name isn’t Elmo, but you can tickle me any time. 10. Are you a swimmer? You make me want to do water sports. 11. You’re so cute..wanna feel my j… Read more

Yeah im bored sometimes, and a friend of mine posted this, so i am reposting, if for nothing else, to make others crack up with laughter. (And yes, as an ex bartender, ive heard a few of them in real life.. ) *Hi, the voices in my head told me to come over and talk to you. *So, you're a girl huh? *Want to come see my HARD DRIVE? I promise it isn't 3.5 inches and it ain't floppy. *You make my software turn to hardware! *Do you work for UPS? I could have sworn I saw you checking out my package. *Did you just sit in a water puddle, or are you just happy to see me?… Read more

I hand it down honestly.. im not that often online here. But i will till my deathbed never come to understand, WHY some people find that, wasting another persons time and effort. Really.. What gives.. Why would someone find it worth the time, to create an profile with abut as much info (or "filling" ) and then just take up space in here.. If i got to say well, something at least a bit positive about this Then thats gotta be, at least the pricks are easy to ID. Either through their oh so easy to spot fake profilepic, or their even worse profiletext. Is it really so hard to make… Read more