About

Cuba imports cigars for me.
Mosquitos refuse to bite me purely out of respect.
In museums, Im allowed to touch the art.
I have inside jokes with complete strangers.
I once had an awkward moment, just to see what it was like.
Bigfoot tries to capture photos of me.
My business card simply says - I'll call you.
I can speak French in Russian.
I have won the lifetime achievement award... twice.
My personality is so magnetic Im unable to carry credit cards.
I once taught a German Shepard how to bark in Russian.
Even my enemies list me as their emergency contact number.
I live vicariously through myself.
If I were to punch you in the face, you'd have to fight off the urge to thank me.
Sharks have a week dedicated to me.
I bowl overhand.
I have won trophies for my game face alone.
Presidents take time off on my birthday.
I once ran a marathon just because it was on my way.