About

I like porn and eroticism.In most cases in a more sophisticated way.I am not a typical masochist or exhibitionist/voyeur,but fantasies about public exposure and humiliation used to turn me on.Sometimes it stil does.

I never found a good partner to make a work out with and now it's too late.I am too old now and have many physical inconveniences.I experimented a bit with myself and made profiles on different sites as Holyhubo,Hubo,Hubobubo and Huib.

I could do so here once more,but I am not in the mood now.I like women.Dicks are ugly things.I liked to play with mine and satisfy myself.Sometimes I stil do.In most cases watching videos.What's wrong with a man satisfying himself?I am not so lonely.

Of course there is not the chemistry of being together,but I am sure,that in most cases no one could have satisfied me better than I could myself.I practised often enough anal penetrations to be sure that it doesn't turn me on an doesn't give me a good feeling at all,but the girls like it.Or not?

I am not here to make friends.I never do on sites like this.I don't know those people.In most cases I send a message back,where I can do so.

I don't visit external links in messages and I don't react on appraoches that seem to have a commercial intent.

I haven't been here for 3 years as far as I can remember and was surprised to see that I have an account.I just saw in the news that some sneaky vids of the female dutch handballteam had been watched 10.000 times in an hour and wondered what site that might have been.Of course it's wrong,but I would like ,I could have seen them.And once more I just was too late.

Sometimes I just like to see a girl.Like the one in the nude walk.Or just in a movie without being naked.I don't know what makes some girls so attractive.Or why I never felt so attracted by Marilyn Monroe for example.It's hard to explain.

Sometimes I like to be slightly turned on,playing gently with "Dick",that ugly little thing down under,what I never would have missed in my live.

Sometimes I like it when my head plays crazy games with me and when I have to be exposed as a punishment.It's strange."Dick" gives me than the greatest pleasure.That of course it's not such a punishment then in fact.I have always been a bit reluctant to do so and some boundaries I don't pass.

Maybe some sweet persuading woman might have made me do,but it never happened.Happily?Maybe it's better this way.Now it's too late for such crazy things and I am physically unable.

I wonder whether this is a female trait of mine in my genes,a telepathic imprint when I was young or part of my education and a proces of conditioning by some girls I met as well as deliberatedly by myself.

Also I consider it as a part of a natural proces to take risk and being vulnerable towards a potential partner.

And sometimes I just want to go over the edge and want to come and work for it.Sometimes I am a bit ashamed watching a girl like Reilly Reid in such an embarrassing rude public humiliation.

I like to hear the leading lady exposing her and inviting the men.It doesn't drive me really over the edge to come,but in a sudden there it is when she is standing there in the wooden block with her behind available.I feel then that I can come and before some bastard can penetrate her,I am ready.

I am always confused about what is triggering me at such moments.Is it the situation perceived in my head.Is it the ultimate availibility.Or is it something,some tension that she experiences at that moment that comes over me?Of course it's the same that triggers me for tens of years.Is it only my imagination or do I really feel what she feels?

I don't know.After all,I can conclude,I stil is in me and it's not really the worst moment for her.Is it really such an exciting experience for her.I think more than men women reach a moment to surrender themselves and come in a flow.But I cannot speak for them.

I really would not want to participate as a man in such an affair and never treat a woman that way,but watching there often are short moments that just trigger me to come and I stil like to watch and play with myself,but those scenes are the ones that make me come and in fact I only can make myself come watching them.

Unless I have to be punished,or punish myself.I often tried to engage women in my fantasies,but they didn't want."You should have more self esteem" they said.I have always had enough selfesteem.

That's not the problem,but I never could find a partner,to save the world with.And I had a pretty good life masturbating with my phantasies or the mags.Maybe more men should do so like me,but will mankind survive then?

Should I have to punish myself now?

I have choosen 2 pictures.It doesn't turn me on now,but watching all those women I have to show myself too as I am and exposed in punishment.

Finally I selected some.Some years ago when I placed some pictures ,it did turn me on as a punishment ,that Dick was so hard,that I first decided to come before the right moment should be over,but now such a thing didn't happen anymore.

Sometimes it stil works that way,but now I prefer a slightly other approach.It's so stupid to repeat that same trick again and I don't want to suggest that I would like to be really invited by anyone as a partner to do such things with me.Maybe in the past,but not now anymore.

Those are things out of the past.And in that past,finally I would have wanted a female partner for straight sex and maybe an enduring contact.And such practices as I was fantasying about,wouldn't give me satisfaction.They would only have made me feel bored unless I should have had an opportunity to satisfy myself the best way at the right moment.

I am sure about that.

But I never found the one to make me feel real good. lost my mind with a little witch.She made me crazy.We got words.She said that I had insulted her. asked her what it was,but she said nothing.I had to promise her,that I would shave and show everybody that I was her slave.

That was my coming out,though I had such fantasies since age of Kindergarten,when my mother told me that the mistress could punish naughty boys by spanking them in front of the class and making them stand naked in the corner to be seen by everybody.

The thought made me frightened with shame,but aroused at the same time a tension I liked to experience imagening.

And then finally it became reality.It had to be that way.She said she didn't want so,but I became completely conditioned to go further on my destiny as a slave by her.I couldn't think about anything else.

Later I got words with another.I wasn't so mad about her,but she always made nasty remarks about fat people watching sumo wrestlers on tv in the student housing.So I called her a little slut to make her feel,what she made me feel.

She hit me in my head on my cheek.

I know you are a slave.You have to do it all and show it all.So let's see who is the slut.

Finally the thrill has gone.I feel more free so.I don't care,but stil sometimes I get the feeling that I have to do and show it all.

And finally so I did once more.

And in the beginning it often was a real thrill imagening and masturbating,but that's gone now and I only have to do.

Did it give me a good feeling?Did I come?

To be honest:Indeed I tried,but I couldn't.

Think I have done so to often.

I felt a bit restless.And irritated.I couldn't find the things I had to do,wrong copies and couldn't place them in the right order.

It's over now.I replaced some for better copies.It's done.

I have had enough fun and sometimes I make myself come watching ladies in embarrassing scenes.That's one more reason to pay them back showing myself too.I got the feeling watching Lisa Harper and Celine who got a bottle in bottom to bottom.

Were I younger,I would have liked to let them play with me that way,showing me of.

But finally I just would have wanted a real good loving.

And what is it that the people want?

Well,sometimes you get an overview of sight on some sites.So I placed some regular nudes and some suggested punishments and the one most watched was one with only the vibrator and the message "straf" (punishment) .Probably they were expecting more there.

And here it all is now.

Sometimes I regard it more as a socalled performance.When I was 20 I was excited to hear about the performances by Marina Abramovic.I only read about and it just turned me on though it was meant as art and not in the first place as erotisising.

It's always questionable whether art is for it's own sake,a personal expression,a sign of the time or has a message.I have done a lot of thinking about,but I cann't say in last instance.I am just an amateur and a teacher.So sometimes I want to give a twist to my performances as a metaphore for the way people make a prison of the world they live in.

But to be true,I stil cann't state it clear.I really don't like anal penetrations.Neither do I want to be exposed,humiliated or abused in any way.I just have to do so.As a punishment.

And just then Dick is coming out.And I used to satisfy myself.And that of course isn't a punishment at all.

But feeling pain or being penetrated am loosing Dick.I cann't hold on keeping him in a good condition and I loose that feeling.That's more a punishment.

I just have to do.Sometimes it made me really feel bewitched.

I tried to make me more free,but stil have to do.

Now I don't care when I see myself that way,but the thrill has gone too.

I don't care.I have had enough fun.

Even if I would never come again,I wouldn't care.

It just has to be.

I have done a lot of thinking about moral inhibitions,fear and shame.I have passed that barrier of shame and fear,but it's better not loosing all moral inhibitions.

So I stil belief.

I am a teacher.

I mention 65+,but I am a teacher.More like Buddha or Jesus.The last.That's the way I always have seen myself.But not from the cross.I don't wanted to suffer,neither would I people make suffering.

This is all I can do in the world.My 'crucification'..

It's not my age.

It's man,stupid.

And that economics.

Note

I wanted to react on some messages in my profile,but sometimes I cann't find them back anymore and I don't remember who was there.And if I remember the name,I cann't find back when I write the name in the searchfunction.

I always try to give a reaction,but I don't click on links given.And when it's obviously a commercial offer as for example xxxxx.ru I wish the girls the best and hope that they are free in doing so,but I don't go further in contact.

In the meantime I found out that there is a bell,an envelope and messages and how to handle.

And I am not a doctor,PhD,but a 'master' called in dutch-latin in the past doctorandus,meaning "I should be wiser".