Any thoughts?

I haven't mentioned yet that my ex is Black . I haven't been with him in many many years. I think back to him when I describe or talk about BBC. I have many candidates who are willing to give and show me a great time. Honestly its really time consuming to get to know another person. Corona, Time, Diseases. I mean I have chatted with some pretty great men but I have really been considering giving the Ex a go round. LOL. I mean the sex was at 100 but as a couple we were not compatible. He gave me my lovely daughter. Oh and super sex. Is it mean and weird to want to indulge in this man. I did not want to give him the time of day but I feel the full desire to be with someone who knows what I like. Who know what turns me on beside from being very well endowed. Stamina like no other. Then I remember that I am married and feel total guilt. But my body is yearning for what my husband can no longer give. Yes yes yes I have spoken to him time and time again and his mind and heart no longer yearn for me. For that I know is the end of us.