Me..
I've had a life long fetish with lingerie, going back to elementary school when I tried on my moms pantyhose that were drying in the bathroom. Instantly I fell in love with that electric, tingly sensation as the air passed over my legs. I hit puberty early, and commercials on TV taught me that women liked hair-free legs when wearing pantyhose so I shaved my whole body (or what I could reach) but I didn't repeat that again after being teased about my newly hairless arms.
A few years later I was camping on a week long Boy Scout trip. On the first night as I was slipping into my sleeping bag I felt something different on my toes. I yelped, thinking it was a snake or scorpion in my bag, but when I reached down to grab it I felt the softest material I'd ever felt. A cousin had borrowed my sleeping bag earlier in the season and apparently she left her panties inside when she returned it. Next morning I got to look at them in the light and saw the sexiest leopard g-string in my young life. Each night of that camping trip I'd smell those panties, caress them, and hold them close. When I got home I'd wear them as often as I could, until I outgrew them a couple years later.
Later that same summer my friends introduced me to porn for the first time, and I learned how to masturbate watching them and the movie. I remember one of them was so excited when he came, pointing out a tiny dot of milky liquid on his leg. The next day I wanted to brag that I'd squirted out a whole lot more on my first time but that day those friends became social pariahs after getting caught by the school bullies in an innocent, but compromising situation taking a bathroom break in the field behind the school. Being the 80s in a highly religious culture anything gay was seriously frowned upon and mocked so I repressed my feelings about lingerie and just went back to being a regular horny teenager. As I grew up I still had that love of lace, silk, nylon, satin and everything lingerie, but all the girls I dated were never as into it as I was.
After a bad breakup in my mid 20s I was questioning my entire life, and let a guy talk me into going over to his place for oral sex. I was nervous as hell, shaking, terrified even as he laid me down into a bean bag and put some porn on the TV. If I'd been honest with myself at the time I would have admitted it was the best BJ I'd ever had and explored that feeling more, but I repressed it.
In my late 20s a girl I was dating owned some mildly sexy lingerie, but hated wearing it. One night after getting home from a party she was feeling randy and told me to wear her lace cami. She was half my size so it didn't look sexy at all, and the next day when I mentioned it she had no memory of it at all. As much as I wanted to tell her how turned on I was I let the topic drop. She'd occasionally try to dress me up in her clothes, but only when she was black out drunk, and it never went further.
After that relationship ended in a bad breakup I was doing the same questioning. I was seriously depressed, especially after losing two close friends to overdoses that came as a complete shock to me because I had no idea they were doing hard d**gs. I wanted a change in my life so I found a guy online and invited him over for oral sex, thinking he would blow me. After inviting him inside and closing the door I turned around to him holding his cock in one hand and using his other hand to push me down. Without thinking I knelt before him, closed my eyes, and slurped him into my mouth. I was acting on instinct, just doing to him what had been done to me. I gagged when he shot his load down my throat, but the embarrassment of how much I liked the feeling once again left me unable to repeat the experience.
A few years after that I was left completely heartbroken once again, not even after a relationship, but just having my desires for more than friendship rejected repeatedly. An old friend from high school reconnected me with a girl I'd had a huge crush on in school but something drove her away. I was going through everything I owned to purge the things that were connected to bad memories when I found a pair of panties. My heart leaped out of my chest when I realized I was holding a leopard g-string, practically identical to that first pair I found in my sleeping bag. I was hard even before I got them on, and I decided that if I couldn't find a woman to wear lingerie for me, I'd wear it myself. A careful search of the rest of my things revealed a few more panties and a couple nighties.
After that I started wearing panties almost daily. I was so turned on about having such a dirty secret that I'd get dizzy and light headed at times. I love the feeling of having sexy lace containing me, feeling my hard on pressing against the material, like any defect in the fabric is going to create a loud tearing sound when my cock pops free. I absolutely love sliding the edge of my panties aside, letting my erection flop back and forum, up and down as it's free from restraint.
Around this time I started responding to, and creating, Craigslist ads. I just wanted to find other lingerie lovers to chat with and finally started accepting it's just a part of who I am. Despite decades of programming that what I was feeling was wrong, I realized it didn't matter what society says. My feelings may not be entirely normal, but they are natural.
I've still never dressed up with, or for, anyone else. I did meet another crossdresser who let me raid her closets. With her donation and a couple years of online shopping I now have twice as many female clothes as male clothes.
And that's where I'm at today. It's been years since I've done anything romantic or sexual, I've spent the time adjusting my conscious mind to accept the feelings I've repressed for my of my life. I'm not gay, I'm not attracted to masculinity, but I'm as bicurious as it gets. I don't have any regrets about my past, but I will if I don't find out if this bicuriosity isn't regular bisexuality.
A few years later I was camping on a week long Boy Scout trip. On the first night as I was slipping into my sleeping bag I felt something different on my toes. I yelped, thinking it was a snake or scorpion in my bag, but when I reached down to grab it I felt the softest material I'd ever felt. A cousin had borrowed my sleeping bag earlier in the season and apparently she left her panties inside when she returned it. Next morning I got to look at them in the light and saw the sexiest leopard g-string in my young life. Each night of that camping trip I'd smell those panties, caress them, and hold them close. When I got home I'd wear them as often as I could, until I outgrew them a couple years later.
Later that same summer my friends introduced me to porn for the first time, and I learned how to masturbate watching them and the movie. I remember one of them was so excited when he came, pointing out a tiny dot of milky liquid on his leg. The next day I wanted to brag that I'd squirted out a whole lot more on my first time but that day those friends became social pariahs after getting caught by the school bullies in an innocent, but compromising situation taking a bathroom break in the field behind the school. Being the 80s in a highly religious culture anything gay was seriously frowned upon and mocked so I repressed my feelings about lingerie and just went back to being a regular horny teenager. As I grew up I still had that love of lace, silk, nylon, satin and everything lingerie, but all the girls I dated were never as into it as I was.
After a bad breakup in my mid 20s I was questioning my entire life, and let a guy talk me into going over to his place for oral sex. I was nervous as hell, shaking, terrified even as he laid me down into a bean bag and put some porn on the TV. If I'd been honest with myself at the time I would have admitted it was the best BJ I'd ever had and explored that feeling more, but I repressed it.
In my late 20s a girl I was dating owned some mildly sexy lingerie, but hated wearing it. One night after getting home from a party she was feeling randy and told me to wear her lace cami. She was half my size so it didn't look sexy at all, and the next day when I mentioned it she had no memory of it at all. As much as I wanted to tell her how turned on I was I let the topic drop. She'd occasionally try to dress me up in her clothes, but only when she was black out drunk, and it never went further.
After that relationship ended in a bad breakup I was doing the same questioning. I was seriously depressed, especially after losing two close friends to overdoses that came as a complete shock to me because I had no idea they were doing hard d**gs. I wanted a change in my life so I found a guy online and invited him over for oral sex, thinking he would blow me. After inviting him inside and closing the door I turned around to him holding his cock in one hand and using his other hand to push me down. Without thinking I knelt before him, closed my eyes, and slurped him into my mouth. I was acting on instinct, just doing to him what had been done to me. I gagged when he shot his load down my throat, but the embarrassment of how much I liked the feeling once again left me unable to repeat the experience.
A few years after that I was left completely heartbroken once again, not even after a relationship, but just having my desires for more than friendship rejected repeatedly. An old friend from high school reconnected me with a girl I'd had a huge crush on in school but something drove her away. I was going through everything I owned to purge the things that were connected to bad memories when I found a pair of panties. My heart leaped out of my chest when I realized I was holding a leopard g-string, practically identical to that first pair I found in my sleeping bag. I was hard even before I got them on, and I decided that if I couldn't find a woman to wear lingerie for me, I'd wear it myself. A careful search of the rest of my things revealed a few more panties and a couple nighties.
After that I started wearing panties almost daily. I was so turned on about having such a dirty secret that I'd get dizzy and light headed at times. I love the feeling of having sexy lace containing me, feeling my hard on pressing against the material, like any defect in the fabric is going to create a loud tearing sound when my cock pops free. I absolutely love sliding the edge of my panties aside, letting my erection flop back and forum, up and down as it's free from restraint.
Around this time I started responding to, and creating, Craigslist ads. I just wanted to find other lingerie lovers to chat with and finally started accepting it's just a part of who I am. Despite decades of programming that what I was feeling was wrong, I realized it didn't matter what society says. My feelings may not be entirely normal, but they are natural.
I've still never dressed up with, or for, anyone else. I did meet another crossdresser who let me raid her closets. With her donation and a couple years of online shopping I now have twice as many female clothes as male clothes.
And that's where I'm at today. It's been years since I've done anything romantic or sexual, I've spent the time adjusting my conscious mind to accept the feelings I've repressed for my of my life. I'm not gay, I'm not attracted to masculinity, but I'm as bicurious as it gets. I don't have any regrets about my past, but I will if I don't find out if this bicuriosity isn't regular bisexuality.
5 years ago
