Questions Girls on xHam Hate - aka How to Be Nicer

Ok Hammys, I’ve mentioned some of these things in my earlier blogs like “Tips for Chatting/Making Friends” but I’ve been asked (mostly by the ladies) to do a more specific blog about what NOT to say/ask when chatting with us on xHam.

Before we get started, let me just say that this is not supposed to be any kind of “male bashing” blog or anything.

This is something that will hopefully give the guys a better idea about how to chat with us ladies of xHam, and lead to better conversations and better friendships.

BIG TIP #1 – DO NOT ASK FOR NUDES!

Seriously. Do not. Just don’t.

This is the #1 thing that girls get harassed for on xHam, and it makes no sense. You’re already on a freaking porn site! If you want to see nudes, just click over to the front page.

Now I know what you’re thinking – “But I want to see HER nude.” And the simple answer to that is “If she wanted you to see it, then she would have shown you.”

Even if it’s only the first time you’ve asked her, the truth is she’s probably had 10 other people bother her about it today, so she has ZERO chill for hearing it again, regardless of who is asking.

Are there exceptions to this? Yes, but 99% of the time you’re better off avoiding it.

You have to understand, girls are naturally defensive/worried about being victimized, and online this feeling is multiplied by about 10x.
There are entire sites devoted to shit like “slut shaming” and “revenge porn”, even on xham people post stuff. I mean, MTV has an entire fucking show called Catfish about this kind of thing where people are just trying to get nudes/exploit people.

So the second you even begin to type “I was wondering if you’d like to send/trade….” the next words better be “pokemon cards” or “cheesecake recipes” because you’ve already set off every red flag and alarm that we have that tells us “Watch out, this guy just went full douchebag and is about to ask for nudes. Better hover over the block button just in case.”

Again - DO NOT ASK FOR NUDES

BIG TIP #2 – Read Her Profile Before You Bring Up Taboo Topics

This should seem like a no brainer, but it bears repeating. Please please please, take the time to actually look at/read through someone’s profile before you bring up a taboo subject.

What qualifies as taboo? As a rule of thumb, “Anything that you don’t see already mentioned on her page.”

Everyone has different levels of what they do/don’t enjoy with sex, and just because YOU like something doesn’t mean EVERYONE likes that thing.

As a personal example, I proudly celebrate Wednesday aka “Hump Day” by posting about playing with my butt in the shower. If you look through my faves, you’ll see plenty of vids with anal. That’s because I do enjoy it from time to time personally, and when it comes to the fantasy of porn I enjoy watching it.

That means if you want to talk to me about anal sex things, I’m probably pretty open to it.

Something you won’t see in my faves, or see me posting about is gangbangs. I don’t have anything against people who want to do them, but it’s not my cup of tea.

That means if you want to talk to someone about gangbangs, I shouldn’t be your first choice.

And as we all know, things like “anal” and “gangbangs” are barely scratching the surface of what some people consider to be “taboo” on xHam, so if your interests are outside of what you see on that person’s page, think twice about bringing it up.

As a primer, here’s a short list of topics to avoid at all times:
Ani mals
Bathroom Things
Menstruation
(Yes, people actually try to bring up these things. Check my “Sad Reality” album for proof)

At the very least, just ask the girl if she has any interest in it. If she does, then congrats and happy chatting. If she doesn’t, then respect her feelings and change to a different topic.

Which brings me to my next subject….

BIG TIP #3 – Check Your Porno Ego at the Door

Here is a word for word example of something every girl hears-

Idiot: Hey, have you tried XXXX in bed?
Girl: No, I’m not a fan of it.
Idiot: Well that’s just because you haven’t done it with me.
Girl: *Rolls eyes so far back into her head she falls out of the chair and passes out over how retarded you are*

Seriously, this is one of the most overplayed and infuriating things in the world.

What is the mentality behind this? “Oh, you aren’t a real person, and I have no regard for your feelings. Your problem is that you just need to fuck me. I SWEAR TO GOD THAT I’M THE GREATEST LOVER EVER!!!”

Really? Okay, I’m game. Send me your resume with 5 references. If at least 3/5 girls can attest to that fact that you are indeed the greatest lover ever, then maybe I’ll let you try. Also, I’ll need your social security number to do a background check, just in case.

Do a simple role reversal, and think to yourself “How would I feel if a girl said this to me?”

Girl: Hey, do you want me to beat you with a wrench while I shove a baseball bat covered in barbed wire up your ass?
Guy: Uh, I’m not sure I’d like that….
Girl: Well that’s just because you haven’t done it with me yet.

DO YOU SEE NOW HOW FUCKING RIDICULOUS THIS SOUNDS?!?!? NO MEANS NO!!!

Here’s a short list of topics that girls are sick and tired of hearing the “Oh you just haven’t done it with me yet” bullshit:
Anal
Squirting
Fisting
Threesomes/Group Sex/Swapping/Swinging
Gloryholes/Dogging
Binding/Restraining/Tying Up/Handcuffs

Remember – If it’s not already on her page, she probably doesn’t want to do it.

These next rules are kind of more for when you are talking to bisexual/lesbian girls. And since I’m openly bisexual, allow me to vent the following assumptions that get made by most guys….

ASSUMPTION #1 – Which one of you wears the strap-on?

99% of the time, No one.

Yes strap-ons are a thing, and yes they are designed to allow women to replicate the sexual positions that are normally possible between a M/F couple when penetration is involved.

But, big surprise, not all F/F pairs own a strap-on. That’s because not all F/F pairs want to use a strap-on.

Biologically speaking, yes, a vagina is designed to handle a penis.

Well, get ready for big surprise number 2, women don’t require a penis/strap-on/dildo/vibrator/etc. to have sex with another woman.

In fact, we don’t even need penetration all the time. Shocking I know. (Search for “tribbing” on xHam for proof).

And related to the question of “Who wears the strap-on” is the larger assumption that bisexual and lesbian girls hate which is….

ASSUMPTION #2 - One of the girls is the “man” in the relationship.

I understand that in the most generalized/outdated/narrow minded sense of things people consider a “relationship” to mean “man & woman”.

What I don’t understand is why guys seem to think that this means with 2 girls one of them HAS to be the “man” in the relationship.

Are some girls more “butch” than others? Yes. Guess what, that doesn’t mean they are the “man” in the relationship.

It’s not like we’re the freaking dinosaurs in Jurassic Park and our frog DNA is going to magically turn one of us into “the man”.

Without getting too high on my feminist podium, assuming that one person in a relationship has to be the “man” implies that women require some kind of man/male/patriarchal figure regardless of whether or not they even want to be with an actual biological male.

Guess what – We don’t.

Does this mean that in male/male relationships someone has to be “the woman”?

Where does this leave cuckolds and submissives?

As long as we’re trying to assign stereotypical gender roles, would you consider the Mistress to be “the man” in a D/S relationship since she’s the one who controls things?

Do you get a sense now of how dumb and convoluted these discussions get?

That’s because every relationship, whether it’s M/F, F/F, M/M, TS/TG, etc. is defined uniquely by the people in that relationship. You shouldn’t be trying to minimize all of the emotions and feelings those people have down to “So….. uh, which one of you wears the pants in the house?”

It’s fucking 2016, everyone wears pants, get with the program.

Anyways, those are my tips. Thank you for reading, be nicer to each other, and Happy Hamstering!