Why I am like I am.

You can believe it or not, but it explains much for me.

Around the age of 9, I had to stay with an aunt and uncle while my parent's moved us into a new townhouse from an apartment.
My cousin, Kathy, was staying at a friend's place or something. I did not have PJ's with me and had planned to just sleep in my underwear. My uncle Tony insisted though, that I wear Kathy's pink "baby-doll" nightie. I put up a fight about it, but him and my aunt won and I went to bed crying. Although the memory is deeply "suppressed", I am certain that uncle Tony came into the bedroom through the night and did things.

Time passed, life went on. Then I got the flu real bad in the winter. I had recently seen a movie about a "succubus", a spirit that feed's off of sex, and had also read a book that included the same. Anyway, while I was sick and feverish with the flu, I had a dream that involved me lying on a stone slab, surrounded by women in sheer white gowns, chanting as their "High-Priestess" plunged a knife into me.

That, I believe, is when, while my spirit was weakend, a feminine spirit entered my body, where she reside's to this day. She is hungry for sex and want's to feel like a woman and use's my body to do so. I try to "suppress" her, but eventually I have to give in and let her be "satisfied".

Nothing really happened as a result of this until I was 12 and started getting sexually aroused. I masturbated a lot and touched myself in the spot where a girl might touch herself. Then one day, I looked in the laundry basket, saw my mom's and sister's underthings and the floodgates were opened.

I am usually stronger than her, and can maintain being "heterosexual" for long periods of time, but occasionally, her hunger is stronger than me and I have no choice but to let her "dominate" me and use my body for her sexual needs.

That's when I have to cross-dress and seek out sex with men.

I don't do it often. Once a year, sometime's more, sometime's less.

I have been married to a woman whom I love very much for 30 years, but I can't stop wanting to "dress-up", suck cock, and get a load shot up my back-pussy or down my throat.

For some reason the orgasms I have when being fucked by a man are just so much more intense than the orgasms I get from fucking a woman. Mind you though, I have also been more satisfied from fucking a mans' ass than from fucking a pussy.
I will still fuck women though, because it doe's provide some relief.

I can only have sex with men while in "gurl" mode. I guess somehow it justify's and make's it ok to be having gay sex, because if you're a girl, it's not gay?

Thoughts and comments?