My Big Fat Farty Friend 5: The Long and Windy Road
Hiya fart fans!
It's Danni here again, long time no see! Hope the new year is treating you all well?
Like many people I started 2015 with the best intentions. It may not be what you want to hear but I decided to tone up a bit and lose a bit of my blubber. So like many a lard arse I went down to the local gym in the first week of January and signed up for a year's membership.
That's been an adventure I can tell you! You know that thing that works your thighs, the one where you sit with your legs wide open and the pads on the inside and you have to bring your knees together to move the weights? Well on my first night in there, virtually every time I opened my legs wide I let out these really stringy farts, the kind that feel a bit like having anal beads being pulled out of your arsehole! Thankfully they weren't smelly and the noise went largely undetected otherwise I don't think I'd be welcome down there anymore lol!
Must have been the lingering remains of all the rich food I enjoyed over Xmas!
Anyway, I've been going regularly in the hope I could tone up a little bit. My arse, which is of course my best ASS-et, was a size 18 at the start of 2014 but was getting towards a Size 20 before the year was out. I didn't mind so much and I know guys (and a few girls too - since sharing these stories on here, I know my arse seems to just draw both sexes to it!) love it, but I didn't want it to be too much cellulite city you know? So I thought get it toned a bit and maybe it'll look even better.
Well, this week I found out my arse has indeed changed as a result of all that gym work.
I'm now a Size 22!
Size 22?! How the fuck has that happened? lol
Look at all that junk in ma trunk! hehe
Speaking of trunks...I want to tell you a story of a time I had plenty of gas in the tank...literally!
I've told you about one of my early boyfriends Craig before yeah? I was 19 when I was dating him and he was the first person to make me realise farting was sexy (for some people that is! I'm sure many others still find it unladylike lol) Anyway, back in the day when I was just an innocent 19 yr old teensy size 16/18 lmfao we decided to get one of them cheap holidays in the paper. I guess you call 'em staycations now or summat, but yeah basically we were off to a little rural/post industrial area of England. It wasn't far to travel and I opted to drive us there because I'm a bloody good driver. Seriously, you have to be in my job as a community nurse and all us nursey girls are a bit of a speed freak at heart. Back then I had a lovely nippy blue mini cooper clubman which was a bit stupid really as it crippled me in insurance. Anyway, we packed it up and we were all set to go.
You know how on motorway journeys you tend to play games? Well me and Craig devised our own that late Friday afternoon.
I was feeling particularly windy thanks to always making sure I had eaten things I know I oughtn't for when Craig was around. He was such a good little sniffer who really got off on my farts. So I decided to test him - could he cope with my farts for the hour or so it took us to get to our destination, in the car, with the windows firmly closed?
Heehee!
If he opened the window, he lost. Me, I didn't mind that much....well, everyone likes their own brand right? ;) Nah just to be on the safe side, I did allow myself to open my window just a centimetre or two. But Craig had to cope. His pleasure was my pain!
God, I remember farting some really thunderous, powerful ripe ones during that drive. I loved the sensation of them being thrust out, only to find the the car seat instantly cushioning them.
Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrppppppppppppppppppppt
Flrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrpppppppppppppppt
Warappuppummmmmmfffft
They just kept pumping out of me, one by one. Obviously it was a bit Russian Roulette. Some were smelly, some were odourless, but all of them were loud! That's the kinda girl I am hehe
Occasionally, I'd lift my ass cheek up to let them out more freely and I could feel Craig's eye on my raised rear instantly. He knew immediately something was coming and, free from the seat, they ripped out of me much louder
Baraaaapt!
Flurppappat!
Waaaaaarp!
And wow, they were noxious!
My eyes would dart to Craig, who would tentatively sniff the air and, either he'd find one he liked and savoured the aroma, or he'd instantly be repelled, bringing the collar of his coat up to his noise as he near gagged at the fiendish fart. I'd catch his hand go to the button for the window.
"Ah-ha!" I'd admonish "That's cheating"
And I'd sit back satisfied as I watched him cower from the sweet and sour scents my fat succulent arse had delivered up. He may have found the odd one particularly foul but I tell you what, his boner told me he enjoyed them nonetheless. It strained at his jeans, creating a lovely big bulge for my eyes to occasionally drift to whenever we had a good open stretch of road and I'd know, just know, that his boxers would be soaked with lovely crystal clear pre-cum. Sometimes, Id see his hand go to the bulge, to try and get some relief and again I'd be on him.
"Ah-ha! More cheating"
I wouldn't let him get any satisfaction until we had parked up and got to our chalet. I had plans for him you see, and unsurprisingly they involved my big juicy arse covering and smothering his face as my hand pumped furiously at his rock hard cock until it exploded its delicious thick creamy spunk all over my fist. I was wearing a pair of pants he loved to - but hadn't told him - dark blue with big white spots and a lovely chocolate stain down the middle hehe!
As I easily overtook three cars changing into the middle lane I focused hard, my eyes narrowing as my face became the picture of fixed concentration. Was I focused on the road ahead? Well mebbe....but I was equally focused on what was brewing in my gut.
Bbbblllaaaaaaaarpppppppptpffffffffftttttpah!
That was one almighty fart and it gassed us both near instantly.
"Phwoar Jesus!" Craig whimpered, retreating in his seat in a way which conflicted with the direction his straining cock was going. I risked a glance at him, barely able to stop myself from sniffing the air and giggling at the same time. I saw tears in poor Craig's eyes as the bomb I'd just dropped became too much.
"Wooah!" I chuckled, surprised at myself "That was baaaad!" Despite this, I couldn't resist a feeling of pride "Yeah" I purred happily, as I returned to the road ahead, gripping the steering wheel and bopping a little to the CD mix I had made.
"Oh God Danni, please" Craig begged, finger hovering over the window's button "Please...that's just....just...toooooo much"
"It'll go in a second" I said, but if I was honest, the air really was a thick fug of stale farts now. My beloved mini must have stank like a twelve year old boy's bedroom!
"That was nuclear!" he protested, marvelling at my abilities. "Please. I can't..." he gulped, wincing at the air "Oh God!"
His finger brushed the button.
"Ah-ha!" I barked, wagging a finger free from the steering wheel "Cheating!"
"I can't cope!" he wailed "Not with that!!"
"Then you don't get a treat when we get it"
"Treat?"
As he covered his mouth and nose with his hand, eyes streaming I told him what I had planned. My sweaty arse crack encased in his favourite knickers rubbing and sliding hard and fast and without mercy on his face-his mouth, his eyes and nose. "And I'll fart, Oh I'll fart even more than this" I promised.
I'd done it.
His hand moved straight off the button and down to his jeans. With a swift deftness, he unbuttoned his flies and slipped his thick member out. As I predicted it was shining glossily and slick with his delicious pre-cum. It twinkled in the early evening sunlight, as he began to fluff himself to the appropriate rigidity right there in the middle lane of the M6!
"CRAIG!" I snapped, eyes wide taking in his lovely cock and feeling my muff began to pulse and awaken. I looked straight out of the window behind Craig, the look on the long distance lorry driver way up in his cab had to be seen to be believed! Luckily, he turned his attention back to the road and sped ahead, otherwise I fear lives would have been lost lol!
But Craig didn't care, he was beating his meat now as if he didn't have a care in the world.
"Tell....tell me more"
"What? About my knickers?" I said, innocently "Or my big milky white fat farting arse on your face?"
His head jerked backwards onto the headrest, eyes fluttering and jaw set as he approached the vinegar strokes .
"Are you?" I couldn't believe it. I glanced back to the road, but my eyes wanted to remain at his engorged purple head as his fist pumped furiously "Are you gonna cum?"
I needn't have asked.
Suddenly a whipcrack of jizz splattered across my dashboard as Craig went into spasms of post orgasm delight.
As if on cue, and totally unexpected, I let out a fart at almost the same time!
Prpppbbbabbat!
And we both descended into shocked and somewhat embarrassed, but delightedly happy gales of laughter. "You mentalist!" I chuckled, as I returned my attentions to the road. Craig helping himself to the tissues I kept in the glove compartment and buttoning himself back up. "You best have some more of that when we get there" I warned. There was no way I was letting him get off without cumming for me again later.
"Don't worry" he replied, breathless and suddenly blushing at what his weakness for me had allowed him to do. "As long as you've got a big fat arse and plenty of farts, I've got cum for you"
And just to prove the point, I raised my cheek up and let rip.
Pzzzllllart!
"Like that you mean?" I chuckled. And seconds later, the stench was almost too much....even for me!
Hope you liked that little reminiscence fart fans! It came to my mind after discovering some photos of that holiday. Here's a piccie of me from that break, hope you like - PS, I'm bigger now obviously!
It's Danni here again, long time no see! Hope the new year is treating you all well?
Like many people I started 2015 with the best intentions. It may not be what you want to hear but I decided to tone up a bit and lose a bit of my blubber. So like many a lard arse I went down to the local gym in the first week of January and signed up for a year's membership.
That's been an adventure I can tell you! You know that thing that works your thighs, the one where you sit with your legs wide open and the pads on the inside and you have to bring your knees together to move the weights? Well on my first night in there, virtually every time I opened my legs wide I let out these really stringy farts, the kind that feel a bit like having anal beads being pulled out of your arsehole! Thankfully they weren't smelly and the noise went largely undetected otherwise I don't think I'd be welcome down there anymore lol!
Must have been the lingering remains of all the rich food I enjoyed over Xmas!
Anyway, I've been going regularly in the hope I could tone up a little bit. My arse, which is of course my best ASS-et, was a size 18 at the start of 2014 but was getting towards a Size 20 before the year was out. I didn't mind so much and I know guys (and a few girls too - since sharing these stories on here, I know my arse seems to just draw both sexes to it!) love it, but I didn't want it to be too much cellulite city you know? So I thought get it toned a bit and maybe it'll look even better.
Well, this week I found out my arse has indeed changed as a result of all that gym work.
I'm now a Size 22!
Size 22?! How the fuck has that happened? lol
Look at all that junk in ma trunk! hehe
Speaking of trunks...I want to tell you a story of a time I had plenty of gas in the tank...literally!
I've told you about one of my early boyfriends Craig before yeah? I was 19 when I was dating him and he was the first person to make me realise farting was sexy (for some people that is! I'm sure many others still find it unladylike lol) Anyway, back in the day when I was just an innocent 19 yr old teensy size 16/18 lmfao we decided to get one of them cheap holidays in the paper. I guess you call 'em staycations now or summat, but yeah basically we were off to a little rural/post industrial area of England. It wasn't far to travel and I opted to drive us there because I'm a bloody good driver. Seriously, you have to be in my job as a community nurse and all us nursey girls are a bit of a speed freak at heart. Back then I had a lovely nippy blue mini cooper clubman which was a bit stupid really as it crippled me in insurance. Anyway, we packed it up and we were all set to go.
You know how on motorway journeys you tend to play games? Well me and Craig devised our own that late Friday afternoon.
I was feeling particularly windy thanks to always making sure I had eaten things I know I oughtn't for when Craig was around. He was such a good little sniffer who really got off on my farts. So I decided to test him - could he cope with my farts for the hour or so it took us to get to our destination, in the car, with the windows firmly closed?
Heehee!
If he opened the window, he lost. Me, I didn't mind that much....well, everyone likes their own brand right? ;) Nah just to be on the safe side, I did allow myself to open my window just a centimetre or two. But Craig had to cope. His pleasure was my pain!
God, I remember farting some really thunderous, powerful ripe ones during that drive. I loved the sensation of them being thrust out, only to find the the car seat instantly cushioning them.
Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrppppppppppppppppppppt
Flrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrpppppppppppppppt
Warappuppummmmmmfffft
They just kept pumping out of me, one by one. Obviously it was a bit Russian Roulette. Some were smelly, some were odourless, but all of them were loud! That's the kinda girl I am hehe
Occasionally, I'd lift my ass cheek up to let them out more freely and I could feel Craig's eye on my raised rear instantly. He knew immediately something was coming and, free from the seat, they ripped out of me much louder
Baraaaapt!
Flurppappat!
Waaaaaarp!
And wow, they were noxious!
My eyes would dart to Craig, who would tentatively sniff the air and, either he'd find one he liked and savoured the aroma, or he'd instantly be repelled, bringing the collar of his coat up to his noise as he near gagged at the fiendish fart. I'd catch his hand go to the button for the window.
"Ah-ha!" I'd admonish "That's cheating"
And I'd sit back satisfied as I watched him cower from the sweet and sour scents my fat succulent arse had delivered up. He may have found the odd one particularly foul but I tell you what, his boner told me he enjoyed them nonetheless. It strained at his jeans, creating a lovely big bulge for my eyes to occasionally drift to whenever we had a good open stretch of road and I'd know, just know, that his boxers would be soaked with lovely crystal clear pre-cum. Sometimes, Id see his hand go to the bulge, to try and get some relief and again I'd be on him.
"Ah-ha! More cheating"
I wouldn't let him get any satisfaction until we had parked up and got to our chalet. I had plans for him you see, and unsurprisingly they involved my big juicy arse covering and smothering his face as my hand pumped furiously at his rock hard cock until it exploded its delicious thick creamy spunk all over my fist. I was wearing a pair of pants he loved to - but hadn't told him - dark blue with big white spots and a lovely chocolate stain down the middle hehe!
As I easily overtook three cars changing into the middle lane I focused hard, my eyes narrowing as my face became the picture of fixed concentration. Was I focused on the road ahead? Well mebbe....but I was equally focused on what was brewing in my gut.
Bbbblllaaaaaaaarpppppppptpffffffffftttttpah!
That was one almighty fart and it gassed us both near instantly.
"Phwoar Jesus!" Craig whimpered, retreating in his seat in a way which conflicted with the direction his straining cock was going. I risked a glance at him, barely able to stop myself from sniffing the air and giggling at the same time. I saw tears in poor Craig's eyes as the bomb I'd just dropped became too much.
"Wooah!" I chuckled, surprised at myself "That was baaaad!" Despite this, I couldn't resist a feeling of pride "Yeah" I purred happily, as I returned to the road ahead, gripping the steering wheel and bopping a little to the CD mix I had made.
"Oh God Danni, please" Craig begged, finger hovering over the window's button "Please...that's just....just...toooooo much"
"It'll go in a second" I said, but if I was honest, the air really was a thick fug of stale farts now. My beloved mini must have stank like a twelve year old boy's bedroom!
"That was nuclear!" he protested, marvelling at my abilities. "Please. I can't..." he gulped, wincing at the air "Oh God!"
His finger brushed the button.
"Ah-ha!" I barked, wagging a finger free from the steering wheel "Cheating!"
"I can't cope!" he wailed "Not with that!!"
"Then you don't get a treat when we get it"
"Treat?"
As he covered his mouth and nose with his hand, eyes streaming I told him what I had planned. My sweaty arse crack encased in his favourite knickers rubbing and sliding hard and fast and without mercy on his face-his mouth, his eyes and nose. "And I'll fart, Oh I'll fart even more than this" I promised.
I'd done it.
His hand moved straight off the button and down to his jeans. With a swift deftness, he unbuttoned his flies and slipped his thick member out. As I predicted it was shining glossily and slick with his delicious pre-cum. It twinkled in the early evening sunlight, as he began to fluff himself to the appropriate rigidity right there in the middle lane of the M6!
"CRAIG!" I snapped, eyes wide taking in his lovely cock and feeling my muff began to pulse and awaken. I looked straight out of the window behind Craig, the look on the long distance lorry driver way up in his cab had to be seen to be believed! Luckily, he turned his attention back to the road and sped ahead, otherwise I fear lives would have been lost lol!
But Craig didn't care, he was beating his meat now as if he didn't have a care in the world.
"Tell....tell me more"
"What? About my knickers?" I said, innocently "Or my big milky white fat farting arse on your face?"
His head jerked backwards onto the headrest, eyes fluttering and jaw set as he approached the vinegar strokes .
"Are you?" I couldn't believe it. I glanced back to the road, but my eyes wanted to remain at his engorged purple head as his fist pumped furiously "Are you gonna cum?"
I needn't have asked.
Suddenly a whipcrack of jizz splattered across my dashboard as Craig went into spasms of post orgasm delight.
As if on cue, and totally unexpected, I let out a fart at almost the same time!
Prpppbbbabbat!
And we both descended into shocked and somewhat embarrassed, but delightedly happy gales of laughter. "You mentalist!" I chuckled, as I returned my attentions to the road. Craig helping himself to the tissues I kept in the glove compartment and buttoning himself back up. "You best have some more of that when we get there" I warned. There was no way I was letting him get off without cumming for me again later.
"Don't worry" he replied, breathless and suddenly blushing at what his weakness for me had allowed him to do. "As long as you've got a big fat arse and plenty of farts, I've got cum for you"
And just to prove the point, I raised my cheek up and let rip.
Pzzzllllart!
"Like that you mean?" I chuckled. And seconds later, the stench was almost too much....even for me!
Hope you liked that little reminiscence fart fans! It came to my mind after discovering some photos of that holiday. Here's a piccie of me from that break, hope you like - PS, I'm bigger now obviously!
9 years ago
and thank you Mark for posting her story