10 Things a Guy Can Do for a Girl Who Has Trouble

This is a topic near and dear to my heart (actually to my pussy, but whatever). It may be news to some of you boys, but not all women cum very easily (even fewer can cum from you doing the things you most like to do). I count myself among them. Sad, but true.

Right about now, I can hear an army of male voices screaming, "but I love oral!" or "I would eat your pussy for breakfast!" or “that’s because you haven’t tried me yet” or "with me, ladies always cum first!" That's awesome. Seriously, good for you. I don't always treat my female partners so well.

But, as appreciated as your "can do" attitude is, burying your face in her crotch isn't all you can do to please a lady with a difficult orgasm. In fact, she might hate you for it if you think that your love of pussy is a cure-all that absolves you of having to put yourself in her shoes.

So if eating her out isn't the entirety of the answer, what is?

1. First and most important: ACCEPT THAT SHE CAN'T ALWAYS CUM. Sometimes it just isn't going to happen and that's okay. Every few months I have a day where I spend an hour doggedly trying to get myself off with absolutely nothing to show for it. I'm horny, hydrated, relaxed, enjoying the same fantasies/porn, using techniques that usually guarantee an orgasm within 5-20 minutes, but it's just not happening. There's no rhyme or reason to it.

2. Ancillary to this: accept that SHE DOESN'T ALWAYS WANT TO CUM. As a woman with complicated sexual proclivities, I can attest to the fact that orgasms are pretty far down the list of my goals. I can get myself off most any time, but if I'm by myself, who exactly am I going to order to kneel? Whose ass am I going to spank? If I have to choose between spending the average 20 minutes it takes to get off getting my pussy played with or a complex scene in which I tie someone up and stick a vibrator up their ass, I'll often chose the latter. It's my choice and any man who wants to stay in my life better sure as shit respect it.

3. DON'T MAKE IT ABOUT YOU. JUST DON’T. Not getting her to cum doesn't make you a failure. It doesn't mean you're not a man or not a good lover. It doesn't mean she'll immediately boot you out on your ass. If you want to be a real man, let it be about her and don't get all butt hurt or insecure or accusatory if she doesn't get there. Eventually, she'll either start faking because it's easier or she'll dump your myopic, self-centered, entitled little ass in favor of someone whose ego doesn't need constant service.

4. TAKE THE PRESSURE OFF. Seriously, don't make her feel like she owes it to you to cum. Never say "but I want to see you cum, baby" or "I'm not going to cum until you do" or "I'll feel bad if you don't" or, worst, "is there something wrong with you?" Ironically, trying really hard to cum makes it even harder to cum. Unless, of course, these things are part of a dynamic you BOTH agree you enjoy.

5. JUST BECAUSE SHE DOESN'T NEED TO CUM, DOESN'T MEAN IT'S SUDDENLY ALL ABOUT YOUR ORGASM. I'm quite happy to have a disproportionate orgasm ratio. I enjoy not having the pressure always on and I still love watching my partners come apart. But some take this for granted. They start thinking that every time we have sex is just a race to their orgasm, the end. These people get punted.

6. WHEN IT COMES TO GETTING HERSELF OFF, SHE'S ALWAYS RIGHT. If she needs a vibrator, let her use it. And if you're threatened by it, yes, you are less of a man. If she needs you to stand on one foot and hop three times, do it. Seriously, whatever it is, no matter how weird or unsexy for you, go along with it. By all means, find new things to try, but if she knows what works, you have to respect it or risk her losing respect for you. Just because you're Don Juan, King of the Clitoris Delta, does not mean that you know her body better than she does. Also, you should really learn how to use that vibrator. It won’t bite. I promise.

7. DON'T STOP HER FROM MASTURBATING. Sometimes the quickest most satisfying way for her to cum is with herself. That might mean she gets you off and then mastrubates after. It might be a sexy exhibitionist/voyeuristic thing. It might even be that you have to go watch TV in the living room while she has fun with the showerhead. Just think for second: how long can you go without an orgasm without getting a little testy? How long would you stay with someone who doesn't let you cum as much as you want?

8. IF YOU ARE GOING DOWN/FINGERING/ETC. AND SOMETHING IS REALLY WORKING FOR HER, DON'T FUCKING STOP. Seriously, don't stop. Don’t think you need to change it up. A lot of girls who have trouble coming with partners but can cum on their own (especially with toys) need steady, repeated motion in order to get there. Other girls really like the variety. But nothing sucks more than to almost be there and then be thwarted because your partner wants to fix something that’s not broken.

9. This is the hardest one, but, trust me, IF YOU’RE ABSOLUTELY SURE SHE FAKES, CALL HER ON IT. Faking orgasms is the vicious spiral that slowly leads to relationship death. Here’s how it goes: girl is self-conscious to be a difficult cum; girl initially fakes orgasms either to win guy over or because she doesn’t think the relationship will last; relationship lasts long enough that girl starts wanting real orgasms; girl doesn’t feel like she can demand them now that she lied; girl feels bitter for not getting orgasms; girl feels resentment towards guy for benefitting from a system that encourages her to lie for his pleasure; girl either dumps guy or stops faking; guy feels terrible/anrgy/bitter for either being dumped or lied to.

10. I lied. This is the hardest one. COMMUNICATE. I know it’s not very sexy to a lot of you, but there a quite a lot of us that get off on communication, especially when that communication is going to give us things that we want. Both you and she might be reluctant to talk about her pleasure. It’s a subject that is treated with an awful mix of taboo and titillation in our society, so it’s hard sometimes to wrap your head around the fact that not all sex talk is ‘dirty talk’ (whether you find wallowing in the dirt to be sexy is ultimately immaterial - it’s still a diversion from the frank talk that needs to happen). So, even if it’s not sexy, talk about her pleasure and what works for her. Ask her to give comment on your technique. Ask her to correct you when you're going down. Ask her if she wants to orgasm. If you're frustrated or neglected, explain why you're feeling frustrated instead of bottling it up. Tell her why you love eating her pussy. Tell her that you want to try something new. The more you open up to her and let her open up to you, the easier it will be for her to cum and the easier it will be for her to ask you to try new things.

If she doesn’t know what she wants, don’t make fun. If she wants to experiment, don’t get so lost in fantasy that you don’t hear what she’s saying afterwards. And if she shows the awful scars of the shame that our society has taught her to feel about her own orgasm or lack thereof, be supportive and loving and don’t think about yourself one bit. Those men, those are the keepers.

– Mistress_Maya_