Proverbs up dated for the sexually active

PROVERBS, SAYINGS and LAWS

“Illegitimi non carborundum”
Rewritten for the modern sexual world by Tim

1. Absence makes the testicles grow larger.
2. Law of mechanical repair: When your hands are covered in black greasy gunk you will see something that makes you want to wank.
3. Better cumming late than never.
4. What is cum for the gander is cum for the goose!
5. A pussy in the hand is worth two in the bush.
6. You don’t get pussy for nothing.
7. Too many cocks spoil the orgy.
8. A pussy shared is a pussy halved.
9. We must eat a peck of pussy before we die.
10. Law of gravity: Being allowed to play with breasts is directly proportional to the gravitational effect on the said breasts.
11. The hand that rocks the pussy rules the world.
12. Two pussies are company but three is great!
13. He that cannot cum cannot command.
14. Tis better to have cum and lost than never to have cum at all.
15. She that cannot cum, let her prey.
16. Who won’t be ruled by the pussy must be ruled by the cock.
17. Hard sex breaks no bones.
18. Whosoever draws his manhood against the prince must throw the scabbard away.
19. Fingers were made before vibrators.
20. Law of communication: When the cock is fully immersed in the cunt the telephone will ring.
21. You cannot have your cock and eat it.
22. You cannot make a cock out of a sow’s ear.
23. See a cunt and pick it up, all the day you’ll have good fuck; See a cunt and let it lie, no fuck you’ll have all day.
24. Law of Biomechanics: The severity of the sexual itch is directly proportional to the absence of pussy.
25. We must learn to copulate before we can run.
26. You should know a man seven minutes before you stir his dick.
27. You cannot get cum from a stone dildo.
28. The law of construction: The speed of the erection is inversely proportional to the wetness of the pussy.
29. Speak not of my erections unless you mean to play with them.
30. Why keep a dog and wank yourself?
31. Impotence is no disgrace, but it’s a great inconvenience.
32. There’s many a good cock come out of a tattered cunt.
33. A whistling woman and a crowing hen are neither fit for god nor cock.
34. A woman, a dog and a cock, the more you beat them the better they be.
35. What’s fucked cannot be unfucked!
36. You cannot ‘make’ a virgin without breaking a hymen.
37. When one arse shuts another arse opens.
38. You cannot teach an old whore new tricks.
39. Two queers do not make a hetero.
40. Variety of cock is the spice of life.
41. The way to a man’s heart is through his penis.
42. You cannot have adultery without wedlock.
43. There’s many a good tune played on an old penis.
44. There is nothing so good for the penis of a man than the inside of a pussy.
45. Strike while the cunt is hot.
46. Take care of the cunt and the orgasms will take care of themselves.
47. A rolling cunt gathers no cock.
48. Set a pussy to catch a pussy.
49. First cum, first served.
50. The proof of the pudding is in the encunting.
51. A pussy saved is a pussy earned.
52. The cunt is mightier than the sword.
53. The last drop makes the cunt run over.
54. One hand for oneself and one for the pussy.
55. The only good cock is an erect cock.
56. Law of inopportunity: Once you have achieved the perfect bondage restraints her husband will come home.
57. It’s an ill wind that blows no pussy.
58. Give a man enough pussy and he will blow his load.
59. Fish and pussy stink after three days!
60. Fuck and the world cums with you, wank and you cum alone.
61. A man is known by the cunt he keeps.
62. The more pussy you get the more you want.
63. Never put off till tomorrow what you can fuck today.
64. Little cocks please little pee-holes.
65. Little birds that can fuck and won’t fuck must be made to fuck.
66. If the pussy will not cum for Mahomet, Mahomet must cum for the pussy.
67. Ignorance of the hymen is no excuse for breaking it!
68. Home is where the pussy is.
69. There’s no such thing as a free cunt.
70. He who sups with a slut should have a long dick.
71. God helps them that wank themselves.
72. Pussy is pussy and cock is cock
73. Everybody’s cunt is nobody’s cunt.
74. Do not spoil the pussy for a lack of penis.
75. An orgy is a group of the willing, chosen from the fit, to do the necessary.
76. Law of Energy: The point at which you are about to cum is the same point as the power fails to come to your computer screen.
77. If you are not part of the cumming, you have a problem.
78. The opera ain’t over till the fat lady cums.
79. What comes around cums around.
80. Give me a man for the first seven inches and you can do what you like with the rest.
81. Law of imbuggerence: On approach to the vinegar strokes, she will ask you how much longer are you going to be.
82. The pussy of the species is more deadly than the cock.
83. Mummy who did you ‘do’ in the great orgy?
84. Give a girl a penis, and you satisfy her for a day: Show her how to catch a penis, and you satisfy her for a lifetime.
85. Different strokes for different orgasms.
86. The church is an anvil which has worn out many arses.
87. Pussies done at once, arses take a little longer.
88. Empty vessels make the limpest erections.
89. The penis of a Master does more work than both his hands.
90. Every pussy for herself.
91. Every pussy has her price.
92. Law of Coffee: As soon as you sit down to a hot cup of coffee, your penis will demand that you do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
93. February fill dyke, be it black or white.
94. Every pussy has a labial lining.
95. A penis and his cum are soon parted.
96. Happy is the bride that the penis cums on.
97. A pussy in need is a friend indeed.
98. Early to bed and early to rise makes a penis erect, healthy and wise.
99. Don’t count your pussies before they are wet.
100. From the pussy to the arse is only a small step.

And for a teaser, which one has not been altered?