About Feeling Guilty and This and That

Hi Everyone!

Well, like I wrote on my page, I've been feeling really guilty lately about being so sexually obsessed. So I took some time off to think about why I feel this guilt and what to do about it because something has to give.

As some of you know, my dad is one of those bible-thumping Baptist preachers who seems fixated on the devil. He's quite a charismatic person and and he has quite a few followers in his grip. I think it's safe to say that most people have no idea how it is to be raised by someone obsessed with right and wrong and damnation and hell. I'm 25 years old and have lived away from home for some time now and I still hear his voice in my head saying I'm going to hell when I'm just trying to enjoy sex.

One of my xHamster friends sent me a private message a while back saying that I am not going to hell because I'm not doing anything “evil” - meaning that I'm not harming anybody. That point seems kind of obvious to me now but it was kind of a revelation when I read it. That's really what the gospel is all about – doing good and not evil.

Sexually, I never do evil. I enjoy my body and I want men to enjoy it too. I'm really just a Nebraska bred and corn-fed wholesome girl trying to have fun in life. I'm not a troublemaker and I don't do dr*ugs or drink (except maybe a couple of glasses of wine a week). So I'm just going to do my best to tune out my preacher dad's voice and live the life that I want to.

Another part of my guilt has to do with my marriage to my pastor husband. His church is totally different from my dad's church. It's essentially non-denominational and focused on the good words of the gospel. My husband never uses the words “hell” or “devil” in his sermons. Still, he was raised – as I was – to believe in monagomous marriages. And – strictly speaking – I have been monogomous, even if my thoughts and some of my public behavior has not been.

I've been wrestling with the idea of cheating on my husband and just where it is that I cross that line. I need to have other men. Or at least more than regular sex. I don't exactly know why. It probably has something to do with being raised to think it's dirty and sinful and, perversely, it gives me a special thrill. My husband most definitely meets my basic needs. He fucks me hard almost every night and twice a day on weekends and Thank God for that. But I need more and something a little naughtier.

As I write this it occurs to me that the word “cheating” kind of implies that I'm doing something wrong. So I think that's baggage too. I want to be free like I was in college to have all the sexual fun that I can handle. So that's what I'm going to do. Not that I have as much time to do that as I did in college because I don't – not with having two little girls and a husband to attend to. But now I'm ready and willing and I feel good about it.

I just joined a young mom's babysitting club in town. All of us moms do some babysitting and we each get one full day of mom time off so we can do whatever we like to do. It will give me some time during the week to make it to Lincoln or maybe Kansas City and see what kind of nasty sex I can have. Not quite yet, but maybe soon I might want to meet up with some xHamster guys and couples for some bondage play or fucking or both.

I still have to be discreet so it's still my secret – or our secret – that I'm a sex loving “dirty” wife and mommy. Even though my dad can be a tyrant he's been a great dad too and he still calls me his Little Princess and there is no reason why he needs to know about this side of me. And I love my husband dearly and it would break his heart to know the truth about me. I'm most happy with how he's helping raise our girls and I don't want anything to change that.

Some of you have asked for pictures of me. Face pics are just not going to happen. I'd rather sl*eep well at night and not have to worry or wonder that someone who knows me will stumble upon any pics of me on this or some other site. Perhaps I'll post some body part pics in the future. Although, quite honestly, I find them to be not too stimulating without a face. I think I have real nice tits and a hot pussy, but there are plenty of pics of body parts on here for you horny guys to jack off to.

That may all seem a little odd because I love to look at pics of hard cocks and guys stroking and ejaculating even if I can't see their faces. True, that is weird. But I'll come right out and say it. Although I do love intellegent conversation I mostly look at men as sex objects (i.e. hard cocks) who will use me and be used. Sorry if that offends. I guess that makes me a female chauvanist LOL.

Anyway, now I'm ready to live out my fantasies – especially my bondage one – and have fun with sex. Whether it's fucking in a public park or watching a video of a guy shooting his load while I rub one out. Thank you for reading my chatty blog!