Why Is the World So Afraid of Female Pleasure?
For all of human history, women’s sexuality has been feared. That must end now.
Throughout history, sexually active females have been seen as posing a particular threat to social order, with responses that range from burning sexually titillating witches to the Victorian illusion that respectable women are passion-free creatures.
For too long, we have been given the choice to be one of only two types of women: the respectable kind, who doesn’t want, enjoy, or think about sex; or the fallen woman, the temptress. Fast-forward to the last ten years and a lot has changed. Sexuality, in general, has become a less taboo subject, yet women’s sexual liberation still has a long way to go.
The orgasm gap, a lack of anatomical knowledge of the vagina, clitorises that are removed from drawings of vaginas in science textbooks, slut shaming, an attempt to return to draconian abortion laws, doctors who do not take women’s sexual pain seriously, and horrendous practices such as female genital cutting show that there is still a deep-rooted cultural fear of female pleasure.
This fear is instilled in us from a young age when we receive sex education in school. Boys are taught about their puberty through erections, ejaculations, and masturbation; young girls’ sex ed is focused on what not to do, whether it’s pregnancy or an STI. At no point does she learn about pleasure. No one tells her about the different types of orgasms she may be able to have, about the organ she has that’s sole purpose is for pleasure, or about why she, too, should be masturbating. Most girls grow up feeling huge amounts of shame for touching themselves and end up not knowing anything about their own bodies. So, when the time comes for their first sexual experience, most girls have it with someone else, whereas most boys, we know, have their first sexual experience alone, through masturbation. This means that from the very beginning of their sexual lives, girls are taught to understand their sexuality and pleasure in relation to someone else, while boys can depend on themselves. They grow up not knowing what they like, how to pleasure themselves, or how to ask for what they want. They are taught that their pleasure is always secondary.
Then they leave school and set foot into their androcentric world, where the fear of feminine pleasure continues. Their society sustains gender inequality by disguising the male experience as standard: everything is built by the male vision and its ideals. Mass media shows them that men are at the center and their bodies, thoughts, and experiences are the focus.
A clear example of this is in advertising. Just look at New York City’s MTA. When a female sexual health company, Dame Products, went to the MTA with their advertising campaign in 2018, they were rejected because it promoted a “sexually oriented business.” But Dame’s ads didn’t feature any sexually explicit photos—most of them had the slogan “toys, for sex” written alongside pictures of their colorful toys. In fact, the most explicit part of the advert was probably the copy that said, “Thank you from the bottom of my vulva.”
Meanwhile, the MTA has historically allowed a whole list of sexually explicit, revealing, and even objectifying ads that advertise erectile dysfunction medication, breast augmentation, and other goods and services that either play on or directly promote sexuality. So, what’s the difference? It’s clear: these are all ads that promote male pleasure, and the MTA will prioritize space for tools that make sex better for men. When it comes to the “fairer sex,” though, pleasure is too vulgar.
Of course, Dame is not the first company to have had this problem. Period underwear company Thinx was told by the MTA that its advertising campaign was too “suggestive,” and last year, female sex toy company Osé was given an Innovation Award at the annual trade show organized by the Consumer Technology Association, only to have it later retracted for being “immoral, obscene, indecent and profane.”
And the problem only persists if we look at social media, with something I like to call “biased banning”—unfair censorship on social media that disproportionately affects women. It’s seen most blatantly when a man uploads an image that is deemed acceptable by the Instagram algorithm; but when a woman uploads an image of the same nature, it is flagged and removed, as was a photo a female friend of mine recently shared from her personal collection. Unsurprisingly, the photo was removed for violating the platform’s guidelines—even after I reported it as a test, Instagram still deemed it unacceptable and explicit. This comes from an inherent prejudice that is built into algorithms by the people who make them, leaving us with technology that has patriarchal bias coded into its very DNA.
But of course, it’s impossible to look at the patriarchal fear of female pleasure without looking at my own industry: pornography. Most of the stereotypical mainstream pornography on free tube sites represents a very biased and androcentric view of sex that completely disregards female desire. Men and their fantasies are portrayed definitively, and everything outside of this is labeled “other.” And although female performers are the driving force behind the industry, the characters they are given are often there only as vehicles to provide pleasure. In other words, they are there for the man.
For years, women have been told that they wouldn’t—or shouldn’t—be turned on by porn. But women are sexual beings that can be aroused by the representation of sex on-screen just as much as men can. A few years ago, when the industry finally began to realize that women wanted more from pornography, they gave them the category of “porn for women,” and expected that we would be happy. But females should not be forced into one category or one type of pornography. Their fantasies and desires are as varied as men’s.
This is why I and other content creators who support my work have decided to bring this awareness to the adult industry: to show that there is a whole world of alternative pornography that prioritizes the female experience and shows that everybody’s pleasure is equal—and equally important. Through my content on my page, I show women’s sexuality in a way that’s not framed as reactive to, or dependent on, men. Because here’s the thing: porn isn’t just a male entity. We men don’t own it. They’ve just presented it to the entire world as if we do.
It doesn’t matter what the subject is or how hard the sex is, “porn for women” doesn’t exist. It’s just porn and can mean many things. The most important, for me, is to capture the female gaze and to do that I need women in leading roles behind the camera. When women control the gaze, female characters are no longer displayed as passive objects from a predatory perspective. Working with an almost entirely female crew alongside the men, I've created sex-positive spaces for women to reclaim their pleasure, both on the camera and for those who are watching at home.
It’s time for all of us to define our own pleasure, independent from what we are told we should or should not be watching or doing. I want women to watch porn, or do whatever turns them on, and I want them to masturbate. I don’t care about the health benefits—I want you to do it because it feels good and you deserve to feel good! But don’t stop there—talk about it with your friends by recommending adult films that you like, toys, or erotic books. Make time in your schedule for self-pleasure and teach the young girls in your life that sexual exploration is a completely normal, fun, and healthy thing for them to do.
When I said that my page is for EVERYONE to enjoy, I meant it and I'm sure that all of this will be viewed as a radical act of resistance against a history that has suppressed female pleasure for far too long. Now is the time to tell the world that a women's right to pleasure matters. To the male population out there, I'm sorry... I'm just keeping it 100% real. #EACHONETEACHONE!
Throughout history, sexually active females have been seen as posing a particular threat to social order, with responses that range from burning sexually titillating witches to the Victorian illusion that respectable women are passion-free creatures.
For too long, we have been given the choice to be one of only two types of women: the respectable kind, who doesn’t want, enjoy, or think about sex; or the fallen woman, the temptress. Fast-forward to the last ten years and a lot has changed. Sexuality, in general, has become a less taboo subject, yet women’s sexual liberation still has a long way to go.
The orgasm gap, a lack of anatomical knowledge of the vagina, clitorises that are removed from drawings of vaginas in science textbooks, slut shaming, an attempt to return to draconian abortion laws, doctors who do not take women’s sexual pain seriously, and horrendous practices such as female genital cutting show that there is still a deep-rooted cultural fear of female pleasure.
This fear is instilled in us from a young age when we receive sex education in school. Boys are taught about their puberty through erections, ejaculations, and masturbation; young girls’ sex ed is focused on what not to do, whether it’s pregnancy or an STI. At no point does she learn about pleasure. No one tells her about the different types of orgasms she may be able to have, about the organ she has that’s sole purpose is for pleasure, or about why she, too, should be masturbating. Most girls grow up feeling huge amounts of shame for touching themselves and end up not knowing anything about their own bodies. So, when the time comes for their first sexual experience, most girls have it with someone else, whereas most boys, we know, have their first sexual experience alone, through masturbation. This means that from the very beginning of their sexual lives, girls are taught to understand their sexuality and pleasure in relation to someone else, while boys can depend on themselves. They grow up not knowing what they like, how to pleasure themselves, or how to ask for what they want. They are taught that their pleasure is always secondary.
Then they leave school and set foot into their androcentric world, where the fear of feminine pleasure continues. Their society sustains gender inequality by disguising the male experience as standard: everything is built by the male vision and its ideals. Mass media shows them that men are at the center and their bodies, thoughts, and experiences are the focus.
A clear example of this is in advertising. Just look at New York City’s MTA. When a female sexual health company, Dame Products, went to the MTA with their advertising campaign in 2018, they were rejected because it promoted a “sexually oriented business.” But Dame’s ads didn’t feature any sexually explicit photos—most of them had the slogan “toys, for sex” written alongside pictures of their colorful toys. In fact, the most explicit part of the advert was probably the copy that said, “Thank you from the bottom of my vulva.”
Meanwhile, the MTA has historically allowed a whole list of sexually explicit, revealing, and even objectifying ads that advertise erectile dysfunction medication, breast augmentation, and other goods and services that either play on or directly promote sexuality. So, what’s the difference? It’s clear: these are all ads that promote male pleasure, and the MTA will prioritize space for tools that make sex better for men. When it comes to the “fairer sex,” though, pleasure is too vulgar.
Of course, Dame is not the first company to have had this problem. Period underwear company Thinx was told by the MTA that its advertising campaign was too “suggestive,” and last year, female sex toy company Osé was given an Innovation Award at the annual trade show organized by the Consumer Technology Association, only to have it later retracted for being “immoral, obscene, indecent and profane.”
And the problem only persists if we look at social media, with something I like to call “biased banning”—unfair censorship on social media that disproportionately affects women. It’s seen most blatantly when a man uploads an image that is deemed acceptable by the Instagram algorithm; but when a woman uploads an image of the same nature, it is flagged and removed, as was a photo a female friend of mine recently shared from her personal collection. Unsurprisingly, the photo was removed for violating the platform’s guidelines—even after I reported it as a test, Instagram still deemed it unacceptable and explicit. This comes from an inherent prejudice that is built into algorithms by the people who make them, leaving us with technology that has patriarchal bias coded into its very DNA.
But of course, it’s impossible to look at the patriarchal fear of female pleasure without looking at my own industry: pornography. Most of the stereotypical mainstream pornography on free tube sites represents a very biased and androcentric view of sex that completely disregards female desire. Men and their fantasies are portrayed definitively, and everything outside of this is labeled “other.” And although female performers are the driving force behind the industry, the characters they are given are often there only as vehicles to provide pleasure. In other words, they are there for the man.
For years, women have been told that they wouldn’t—or shouldn’t—be turned on by porn. But women are sexual beings that can be aroused by the representation of sex on-screen just as much as men can. A few years ago, when the industry finally began to realize that women wanted more from pornography, they gave them the category of “porn for women,” and expected that we would be happy. But females should not be forced into one category or one type of pornography. Their fantasies and desires are as varied as men’s.
This is why I and other content creators who support my work have decided to bring this awareness to the adult industry: to show that there is a whole world of alternative pornography that prioritizes the female experience and shows that everybody’s pleasure is equal—and equally important. Through my content on my page, I show women’s sexuality in a way that’s not framed as reactive to, or dependent on, men. Because here’s the thing: porn isn’t just a male entity. We men don’t own it. They’ve just presented it to the entire world as if we do.
It doesn’t matter what the subject is or how hard the sex is, “porn for women” doesn’t exist. It’s just porn and can mean many things. The most important, for me, is to capture the female gaze and to do that I need women in leading roles behind the camera. When women control the gaze, female characters are no longer displayed as passive objects from a predatory perspective. Working with an almost entirely female crew alongside the men, I've created sex-positive spaces for women to reclaim their pleasure, both on the camera and for those who are watching at home.
It’s time for all of us to define our own pleasure, independent from what we are told we should or should not be watching or doing. I want women to watch porn, or do whatever turns them on, and I want them to masturbate. I don’t care about the health benefits—I want you to do it because it feels good and you deserve to feel good! But don’t stop there—talk about it with your friends by recommending adult films that you like, toys, or erotic books. Make time in your schedule for self-pleasure and teach the young girls in your life that sexual exploration is a completely normal, fun, and healthy thing for them to do.
When I said that my page is for EVERYONE to enjoy, I meant it and I'm sure that all of this will be viewed as a radical act of resistance against a history that has suppressed female pleasure for far too long. Now is the time to tell the world that a women's right to pleasure matters. To the male population out there, I'm sorry... I'm just keeping it 100% real. #EACHONETEACHONE!
2 years ago