The story of my crossdressing pt1
I was born....
and the Vietnam war broke out.Nothing to do with me,just a horrible coincidence,but at least you know how old I am now!
Now Im nearly 57 yikes,still almost 5ft 6 the same as pornstar Kate Zoha,size 10,shoe size womens uk size 6 and still a crappy A cup.Ive been crossdressing for 50 years now.A long time.
This isnt my life story as thats a yawnfest,this is only the bits about my crossdressing so no need to nod off just yet.
So I was born a boy,as aparently "you couldnt miss IT" but looked just like a baby girl,blonde blue eyes and a little chunky.As was customery at the time in Yorkshire,I was dressed as a girl,in a really fetching white silk skater dress,matching pants and shoes.I guess you could say that was when my crossdressing started.
The reason behind being dressed as a girl,was the elves only stole boy babies never the girl ones,so by dressing the boys the same,they wouldnt get stolen by the elves.
I find it hard to believe the elves are that dim,but that is where that comes from.Yorkshire has moved on a lot since then,we have indoor toilets,running water,and even the A1 is about to have its cobblestones replaced with tarmac!
Anyway,eventually I was dressed in boys clothes,which I hated,so for many years I took to being naked whenever possible as you can get away with it when youre two or three years old,much harder when youre fifty,and probably why Im not allowed on buses anymore.
I cant remember what I did last week,or why Ive just gone into the kitchen,but I do remember clear as day the first time I put on girls clothes.I was about 5 or 6 at the time,and I was doing my chores one of which was putting the washing away.As I put all the towels and stuff in the airing cupboard I grabbed the next piece to go in,and it was my sisters leotard and gym skirt.They felt so soft and strechy,so nice and smooth to the touch,unlike my boy clothes which felt like they were made out of oil skins and wire wool.Urgh.
I just kept rubbing my fingers over the material and for some weird reason decided to put them on.Took me a few seconds to work out how to put the leotard on,but finally worked out my head didnt belong in one of the arm holes,once I figured that out I was on a roll....then I pulled up the little blue pleated gym skirt.My sister was older than me,so they fitted me just nicely.
I loved it!
It felt soooo so soft,and it moved and stretched with me,and hugged me tightly,such a wonderful feeling,and seeing the skirt fly up and flare out when I turned looked so graceful like it had a life of its own.
So I started to walk up and down,taking my sister off,twirling round and doing over exagerated female walking and posing.
Then I caught my reflection in the mirror,and it took my breath away,I just gasped.Id didnt look like me at all.Id always not liked looking in a mirror,I never liked what I saw,but this I did like.The clothes fitted perfectly,hugged me and showed me off so nicely,complimenting my little form.
My legs looked really long and slim,my little bum looked so cute when I spun round and my skirt flew up,it just fitted like a glove and made me feel so warm and fuzzy,so nice and happy,like this was natural,it was right.It just felt right.But then I realised........
I looked like a girl!
That freaked me out big time,so off they came hastily.I folded them up and shoved them in the airing cupboard.Slammed the door shut and climbed down,then rushed off to my bedroom and shut the door.Laying on the bed my head was swimming......first I couldnt believe I had just worn my sisters clothes,second they felt and looked sooooo good,but I looked like a girl.
Arrrrrggghhh.
I thought Im not doing that again.
........now how many times have I said that since!
It just freaked me out as I knew I was a boy,but I didnt look like one.So weird.Scary.Freaky.Yet so wonderful.
So that was my first time and I thought my last.I tried to put it out of mind,I was always doing something daft,like walking out onto the windowsill upstairs,walking along it and back in through the other window,or climbing up the ladders and swinging like a monkey from the gutters for some strange reason.
But it was always there in the back of my mind,how lovely it felt,how nice it looked,and how I looked just like a girl,and not boy like at all.It was that,that was nagging away at me,I tried to dismiss it but couldnt help being drawn to it like a moth to a flame.It excited me like nothing else.
It wasnt long before I was putting the washing away and there was my sisters little school uniform.....yep here we go again.
Yes,I pulled it all on,had another fight with the armholes vs the neck hole but eventually sorted it out.Why is clothing so complicated?!
Again I was walking up and down,trying to swing my hips that I didnt possess,and doing exagerated girly poses,blowing kisses to imaginary people like I had seen done in the films of the day.I stopped in front of the mirror again,and just stared at myself,as it didnt look like me at all.I moved close up and gazing into my own blue eyes and wondering what I am.I knew I was a boy but just didnt look like one.So strange.But it felt so wonderful I didnt want to take it off this time,I just danced around as quietly as I could becouse I didnt want to get caught,as I didnt know if I was being bad or not.
This then became the norm for me,every week if the coast was clear,I would grab my sisters gym outfit which was my fave,and dance and parade around,and act out scenes Id seen in the films on tv,usually musicals,with me as the leading lady.I loved it,it made me so happy and felt just right,natural.
Plus how I loved how the leotard kept going up my crack and forcing my little bum cheeks apart,felt so open,vunerable,inviting even.
Just loved it and it make me smile,so happy and content like never before.
I think it was just another step on the road,as I remember dragging my feet across the floor with my mothers high heels on trying to be like her,her friends or my nan for some weird reason,as they all wore high heels when going out to a musical or ballet as we were a very musical family.
I rememeber every day coming home from school there would be classical music playing,or my mother on the piano,or some musical or classic film on the tv and always a house full of women.
Please remember this was a time before the internet,porn mags,sex,mobile phones (everyone under 30 has just killed themselves at the mere thought of no phones) or even people talking about such things.It was a very innocent time unlike now,the world has definetely lost its innocence these days.So it was all just innocent fun nothing more or less,and it made me very happy,nothing else did.
Ive been asked many times how I learnt to be girly.....how I learnt to talk like a girl,walk like one,act like one....my answer is "I never have".As Im always just me being me,that is how I am in real life.
Looking back,I think it was becouse Ive always been surrounded and outnumbered by women.When I was little it would be at least two,my mother and my sister,then the next door neighbours would pop over for a cuppa every day,thats four of them,or my mothers friends would come over once or three times a week,thats five of them,or my nan and my cousins would come over for the day,thats another five...so you see why I think I seem to talk move and act like a girl,is becouse I was always surrounded by women every day and so took that as the way to be.
Even at school the girls outnumbered the boys,and my one and only friend all through school was my best friend Julia (whos name I took for myself in rememberance of her) the teachers were all women,and the headmistress was female.Well a female orc,but a female nontheless.
So I guess I just watched how they all behaved walked and talked,and thats what I took how to be maybe.Dont know but it is how I am I dont do any acting in my videos or photos,I wanted to just be me,warts n all.
There may be some truth in it,as I remember my mother saying to my father many times that I needed more male influence in my life as I rarely got any,as back then the men went to work and it was hard graft not sat in an office pressing buttons.So we only saw the men folk in an evening or on a Sunday.
Or maybe I was just born this way,who knows who cares,or could it just be thats the way I am,how hard is that.Sometimes life really is that easy lol.
Anyway as the years went by,I went to infants school,didnt talk,couldnt read or write,and spent all the time with my best friend Julia who lived up the road from us.She was lovely,couldnt be more girly if she tried.Just adored her.So glamourous beautiful,always dressed to the nines,kind lovely always smiling,loved her to bits.
But it was about this time I noticed I was different,as I started getting called a girl a lot.It didnt bother me as I couldnt see how it was a bad thing,I felt it was like calling my nan a woman......whats up with that.But if you called her a bad name,then that wouldve been the last thing you did in this world!
So I never thought being called a girl was anything but a compliment,like years later whenever I was told to go screw myself,I always smiled and said "at least I can",as I could put my own cock up my bum and do myself if need be.
Then came the Junior school,I still didnt talk,I had said a few words but thats all I did.Still couldnt read or write and the teachers had given up on me already,so I started to teach myself as there wasnt such a thing as dyslexia back then.The girl thing started getting worse though,it was every day being called a girl,looking like one acting like one,being friends with one etc.Again it didnt bother me,couldnt see anything wrong with it,but then came the punch ups.I didnt like being hit.I put up with it for a while,as Id always been taught to run away fight again another day,and to turn the other cheek,but one day I had had enough and just beat the absolute crap out of one of the bullys.
I had to be pulled off by the teachers and that was my first caning.
Being made to stand in the headmistress office,then this giant orc of a woman pulled my shorts down and caned my bum,then I was ordered to pull up my shorts.I have to admit I didnt mind it,I liked being exposed like that,and the sharp sting of the cane on my bare bum,then the warm glow afterwards,and being exposed like that was just yummy.I liked it in a way,but didnt like being in trouble as i hadnt started it,but I had finished it.
Then when I got home I would get a good belting for being in trouble YET AGAIN,as that was what it was like back then,didnt do us any harm (I type sitting here in only a minidress lol)
This became a regular thing,some giant arse with a tiny penis would start pushing me around calling me a girl and all that,then I would beat the living piss out of him,then off to be caned again.............again.....and again.
It worked out ok though,I did get a reputation for being a complete psychokitten,which was nice,plus I was now a "disruptive element" according to my school report.Me?Really?Never.hehehe
Then something weird happened...I had been caught stealing reading books from the school library as I was teaching myself to read and write,with Julias help ofcourse,and Id just fallen off the school roof and bust my face on the coke pile (which is why I always look like one eye is half shut to this day),always fighting,always with the girls never the boys,and always in trouble....so this one day I was told to go to the office and be assessed.Aparently everyone was to do this,yet weirdly I was the only one.Odd.Anyway some nice woman talked to me about all sorts of crap,and wrote stuff down,and Id answer questions and do tests and stuff.
I guess the report wasnt good,as afterwards my family wouldnt speak to me or look at me for days after,like I had the plague or was from Lancashire or something (sorry couldnt resist a dig).
Aparently I did have a brain,I had an IQ of 139,not bad for someone who couldnt really read or write and was nine years old.That was when I was officially a freak of nature I guess,as they found out I was ambidextrous,with both hands completely independant of each other,one hand could do one thing,the other another,and weirdly my feet were the same,I could write draw and paint with them both,again both independant of each other,and my hands.Mustve looked like a chimp in the zoo.Plus I was way ahead of anyone else in physics chemistry and maths,but something of a swampduck in reading and writing,yet had a talant for the piano and violin,hated doing sports yawn,but loved being with women or the girls,hated being with the boys,but could make anything,build anything and could work any system out or how anything worked and got a very strange look off the nice lady when asked what I wanted to be when I grew up.
My reply was simply "showgirl".
Well I did.I wanted to be tall and glamourous,beautiful with sparkly leotards long legs and feathers everywhere.They looked so good.
I still dont know what that was about.Who knows.Anyway back to crossdressing.......yep it was still going on in secret at home,that lovely feeling of my heart racing,terrified of being caught in my sisters clothes,sweating if I heard footsteps on the stairs arrrgghhh.But it was getting worse,as I was now putting on her clothes under my own yucky wirewool clothes and heading up into the woods,then off with yucky clothes
and slink around in my leotard and flared gym skirt,with ofcourse two socks shoved down the front of my leotard for boobs.It was so exciting,heart racing,sweating,all the while thinking what if Im caught like this,yet loving walking around the woods in full on girl mode.It just felt right.So so loved doing that,expecially when someone saw me,and Id panic and run off.Such a thrill.
Yep I was getting worse,as Id also found out I had a hole.Who knew!I was in the bath in my two inches of water as that was all we were allowed,and soaping myself all over,when my finger slipped up my bum.That was a suprise.I liked it,it felt nice.As I have an insatiable curiosity which does drive me mad at times,I started feeling around at my insides,how squigy they were and soft and smooth.Then I pulled it out,again I loved that,so shoved it in again,oh my yes that is nice.I gasped.I started working my finger in and out of my bum and it made me go quite breathless it was so good.I thought Im doing that again!
From then on I was trying all sorts up there.Id screw myself with the handle on my toothbrush,my finger,pens pencils,all sorts.It felt so good,so strange having something up inside me,as all feelings were on the outside,yet this was very different,very deep personal and intrusive.So good!
Then Id try bigger things like two fingers,but that wasnt easy,it felt like I was about to tear in two.But I kept at it,as I didnt mind being torn open,it felt wonderfull,especially afterwards like I had a little gape going on,feeling so open to the world in a weird sense.Such a wild feeling.
Ofcourse it escalated,Id go out dressed as a girl,and go and screw myself with my fingers in the woods,or on a park bench,then on with the yucky boy clothes and home again.It felt so much better outside,more open,more risky,more exciting,more enticing,feeling the cold wind blowing around my bum and up into it.Sooo cold but sooo so hot.
It was around Juniors that things took on a new turn.Everyone knew I would kill them if they upset me which was nice as I got left alone which is what I wanted,but now the boys were noticing the girls,and doing the usual pushing them or hitting them becouse they like them etc.So it was about this time I became a bit popular.As the boys wouldnt dare go near a real girl and not just becouse they would get the dredded "girl germs" if they so much as touched one.As there was no cure back then for sure a thing.
But there was me,I can see how it happened,as I was small,same size as the other girls in the class,had big blue eyes,long blond hair as was the fashion back then for boys and men to have long hair,skinny with girl legs and a girly figure,who sounded like one and acted like one,so I can see how their minds were working.
Anyway one day in the playground,some much older boys came up and started banter,and general blah blah,started messing around,putting their arm around me and grinning,doing kissy faces,and complimenting me on how much like a girl I was,just exactly like one which was new.
I was ready to kick the crap out of them when one of them kissed me on the cheek as a joke kind of thing,then another kissed me on the lips.Id never been kissed before,and I kinda liked it in a way,but really wanted to be in a skirt to be doing this,not in shorts.But it was quite nice so I let them take turns kissing me.I joked I charge a sixpence for a kiss,as a mate of theirs charged a sixpence a look at his dads girly mag,he made a nice living out of that too.
Suprisingly they were in their pockets looking for a sixpence which was funny,then they said for us to go up onto the field were we couldnt be seen,so we all went up there out of sight of teachers and pupils,and with me very nervous at this point,was placed behind a tree,and they each came round the tree and snogged me for as long as they liked.Then when he had done,he would go back and another of them would come round the tree,grab me and snog me.Some got a bit carried away and started groping me,feeling me up and stuff,grabbing my bum and squeezing it tightly as they shoved their tongues into my little mouth,but I was liking it so much I didnt mind.It was my first snog after all.Then when theyd done,they all went back to class leaving me a bit out of breath,spit all down my chin,and a bit disheveled.My hair was a mess I remember that!
I didnt know what to make of it,but like I said it was an innocent time,and looking back I guess I was a pratice girl.I was a boy so no danger of the dreaded "girl germs",but looked sounded and acted like one,so that was near enough I suppose.
It went on every few days or so,I made enough money to keep me in crisps and polo mints.Bonus.
But it did get out of hand sometimes,when they started to try and pull my clothes off or do more than kissing.I didnt mind being fingered by them one at a time,but I drew a line at that,and then only one at a time,as when two of the boys wanted to go at it it was a bit like pass the parcel being passed from one to another like that or worse being in a sandwich.Sometimes theyd grab my hand and shove it into their crotch and I could feel their cocks hard as owt,I naturally squeezed them but didnt know what else to do with them.
Theyd also do simulated bumming of me,I liked having my waist gripped and bent over as they pretended to screw me.It was just harmless fun and I liked being the centre of attention for a change.
I did love it when I was waiting for them behind the giant oak tree at the top of the field,and they would all line up infront of it,then one would come round the tree to me,and Id be there smiling up at them with my hand out "sixpence pleeease" with a huge grin,"no sixpence no kiss" Id then say with a wicked smile.Once I got my sixpence Id shove it in my shorts pocket,throw my arms around them,tilt my head to one side and open my mouth ready for them to kiss.I loved being snogged,it felt amazing especially when they were being gentle,and holding my head in their hands,or stroking my long blond hair.It was best when they looked intense,and brushed my hair from over my eyes,then kissed me long and hard.Loved it.It made me feel like a girl,a proper one.
I also loved it when they would sneakily run their hand down my back and into my pants,then push a finger up my bum and finger me while snogging me,all the while his mates are watching us.Then another would come up "my turn",and he would give me my sixpence,grab me and it would start again.So hot.It always made me rock hard,and I think that was my first erection.No idea why it did that at the time,no idea what to do with it,but there it was.I didnt care for it when they all wanted to pile on,and it was mouths tongues and fingers everywhere,and this is being grabbed and pulled,and that.I didnt like it getting a bit too out of hand,so I would have to reign them in wuth a growl and a "pack it in or else" was usually enough to remind them I had put THE school bully in intensive care for three weeks for pushing my best friend Julia down the stone steps not long before.So a little reminder of what Im capable of was enough to get them to behave and go back to being gentle again.
Then one day I was up at the old oak,and nobody came.The same the day after.I was so disapointed and a little upset.Little did I know they had moved up to the high school,leaving me behind.Oh well.
I have to admit I did miss it in a way,so it was back to standing around with a bunch of girls talking girly stuff,which I liked anyway so it wasnt too bad.
Then it was my turn to move up to the high school.New head teacher,the most miserable man in the world,new school buildings to climb,new lab sinks to blow up,and yes new bullies who dont like boys that look like girls.Or should that be girls that have a cock?
As I had been busy,I was now shoving ever bigger things in me,Id moved onto carrots,bananas a personal fave,tools like chisels screwdrivers hammers,vases,anything that looked like it would fit went up me.I loved being screwed but I still didnt know about wanking off or anal orgasms yet.
Otherwise not a lot happened.I still dressed up in secret,went out with girl clothes under my boy ones,stripped off and walked around,sat around the woods,or down the steel works and slag heaps,and just loved being in girl mode as I had now named it.Another favorite was being in still my fave,my sisters hockey outfit and walking along the railway lines,so the passengers on the train could all see me,my long girly legs,and the wind blowing my little skirt up showing off my bum.It was about this time I started to tuck my bits between my legs so I looked more like a girl,as you couldnt miss my cock.It always made me smile,feel good,and I felt a little sexy too.
It was about now,i grew boobs.Nope never been on hrt,never transitioned,never would,and didnt even know about such things back then.But yes I grew little girl boobs naturally.They were only an A cup and had small nipples,but they did get erect easily just like a girls.I also grew pubes but only just above my cock,the rest was smooth and hairless everywhere else,and I grew little hips.So I had a girls figure,had a waist and hips,little boobs,long blond hair and looked sounded and acted like a girl,not a boy.I got fed up with everyone assuming I was a girl,till I told them my name,or that I am actually a boy.I hated having to do that,as they would always then look at me like Im a freak of nature or something.But up to that point I was always "treacle" or "sweetheart","sugar" or "sweety".Sometimes "darlin" or "duck",but mostly just "luv".I liked that,but it all stopped once it was pointed out I was infact a boy.
Anyway yep here comes a fresh set of bullies to remind me Im a freak of nature.Again I tried to put up with it,till I lost my wrag and yes heres the irish temper for you all.I spent a year beating the crap out of them all,but again I got the reputation for being a pyschokitten.
But I got left alone after that,but still got teased for being a girl with a cock a lot.I still hung around with girls,still had a best friend that was a girl,mates that were girls,never had owt to do with boys as I found them just boring.Girl talk more fun,as I just cant get excited about football which was all the boys would talk about.Cant get excited about watching millionares jogging up and down a field after a pigs bladder.I just dont get it.
On the upside I was popular later on,especially in the showers,as here was a boy with a girls face,girls voice and manerisms,with proper boobs hips long girl legs and a tiny waist with long blond hair big blue eyes,big puffy lips,who for some weird reason put on shows in the showers for the rest of the class.
I still dont know why I did this,but I used to get out the shower,grab a towel,tuck my cock between my legs so I looked like a proper girl,and put on a show for everyone,either a little striptease,or a tease with the towel flashing my pubic mound and boobs at them,or my bum etc.Yep I also had a girls bum,round and it stuck out just like a real females.Strange but true.
My little stripteases always went down a storm,it got everyone laughing and smiling,plus a few hard ons which made me feel really warm and excited inside.I loved to be able to make someone hard,and funny as they try and hide it from everyone else.lol.
Ofcourse the teachers didnt like it,and threw a training shoe at my head to pack it in.They never missed.Not once.
But yes I loved to put on a show,and loved to make people smile or laugh,I didnt mind what I had to do to get that reaction,but really loved it when I made them hard.I just loved to make people happy,still do.Thats the way I am thats all,and will do pretty much anything in order to make them happy or smile or to turn them on.
Very rare the showers were empty,but once or twice Id be in there on my own,just letting the water fall over my body,relaxed,and someone would wander in with a hard on already,and I knew what was coming..."can I kiss you" theyd say nervously "course you can,just dont tell anyone" Id reply with a big smile,throw my arms around them and pull them in,our hard cocks touching,then we would snog for ages till something spooked us.Sometimes I would grab both our cocks so they couldnt get away,especially if it was this particular boy,he was girly,what today would be called a femboy.I fancied him so much,I used to snog him for ages in the shower,and it was me in charge for a change which really made me feel hot,even a little powerful.But all we did was kiss fondle and finger,thats all.
I really wanted to shag him so badly it hurt,but I didnt know what to do and didnt want to freak him out,but I wouldve loved to.
Most of the time it was just me in the showers,being groped by some of the other boys,especially my bum and boobs,and it was a standing joke now that I was a girl with a cock.I would still do my little shows for them all afterwards now and again,anything for a laugh,and get hit in the head with a trainer again before being sent to the head for a caning.
Little did he know that having my trousers pulled down,then my pants,then being bent over a desk now turned me on massively.I would always be rock hard and trying my best to hide it as I got the usual "this will hurt me more than it will you" rubbish from the head master just before six strokes of the cane.Always a turn on.So much so that I wanted him to just shove his cock in me and shag me senseless,thats how turned on I got.
My first cum.....nope Id never come up to this point,got hard ons but never come,only in my dreams when I was asleep.
Well we were on hols,and I was off on my own as usual,and had stripped off to just my sisters black swimsuit and little black miniskirt.I was walking barefoot through the woods and down the lanes when I came on some like gypsies.They werent gypsies,I know that for certain,as our village in Yorkshire always had Irish Gypies visit once a year as they were horse traders and came over to sell their horses ofcourse.But they were well dressed,polite,honest,cars immaculate,caravans imaculate,horse trailers imaculate,horses the same,and when they left you couldnt tell they had been,no litter not a blade of grass out of place,but these two,they seemed to be living in a caravan and were weird scruffy and foul.Gave me the creeps.
They saw me and invited me over,so a bit on the ready to leg it mode I went over.They chatted and tried being friendly but they both gave me the willies.She was in the 40s or 50s,he was a lot older,both fat and mucky looking.Anyway he showed me some playing cards and asked me to play a game of cards,I kept refusing,so he gave me them as a present and asked me to look at them.They were all pictures of nude women on them.Never seen a totally nude women before.Weird,they dont have cocks.How odd I thought.What on earth do they have then?!?
Anyway he got me to sit on his lap and put his arm around me,smiling all the time and being chatty,she was all smiles too and complimenting me on my lovely little body,how shiny my long hair is and all that kinda rubbish,and what long legs I have and she started to stroke them.
He pulled me in closer,I could feel his hard on under my bum cheeks,I felt really vunerable all of a sudden as there was only the skimpiest bit of swimsuit between my hole and his cock.It made me so nervous but strangely excited.All the while hes getting me to look at the pictures of the nude women on the cards and asking if they turned me on.They did actually.
He got hold of my hand and started slowly pushing it down towards his cock,all the while Im trying to resist.
Then the woman slid her hand up my skirt and said I was about to have a wonderful time with them......just as her hand reached my thighs then my hard cock."Urgh!Its a boy!Its a effing boy!Its an effing boy!!!"
I got the impression that wasnt what she was hoping for.
In a panic I jumped up,punched grandad as hard as I could accross his chops,shoved her over on her bum,grabbed the cards and legged it as fast as I could.Yikes!
I didnt stop for about three miles lol.
Once I stopped to get my breath back,I sat down in the woods and started to look at the cards in more detail.There were all showgirls with everything on show.They looked so glamourous and sexy,with their long legs,and looked so tall.As I was always the littlest k** in school.To give you some idea,Im about the same height as pornstar Kate Zoha.Although she is utterly gorgeous and Im not.
Well these pix made me hard,so I got it out and started to stroke it,all the while looking at the showgirls and imagining I was one of them...then I felt this pressure,this wave of joy and excitement come over me,and I shot my load all over my legs,swimsuit and skirt.I even got it on my face,a huge splash.That was a shock.But it felt wonderful,so warm and sticky,naturally I scooped it up and tasted it.My first taste of cum.My cum is sweet,I mean really sweet,as I cant absorb salt,or my body cant produce salt,something like that,so my cum tastes not salty but almost peppermint sweet.I gobbled it all up and thought "I like this!!!!".
So for the rest of the hols,I would run off to the woods in my sisters bikini,or miniskirt and swimsuite,and wank myself stupid three times or more a day.I loved to cum,it was an amazing feeling,and weird seeing how far it shot out and how much there was.I came on trees and all sorts,but mostly my face and in my open mouth,then drinking it all down.
Then in the evening sat down at dinner,Id be feeling ashamed and turned on at the same time,thinking how Im sat there in front of my parents and sister with my stomach full of my own cum,so hot so weird.
I did wank myself sore that week,really really sore.I had to leave it alone for four days to heal up.But I couldnt leave it alone,I loved cumming everywhere.What a feeling.
Back home,I was in the shed at the bottom of the garden,and I showed a mate of mine how to cum.As Id told him what happened and he wanted to know how Id made myself cum as he didnt know either.So I showed him.....we layed down on the floor,and I got my cock out which was already hard,and he got his out.Then I put them together and started to wank us both off.We didnt kiss,I was just looking at what I was doing to his cock,and so was he.Anyway I wanked him off and he came all over me,and I came all over his cock,which I then rubbed in slowly afterwards.
Again,that was so hot,I loved holding another boys cock in my hand,how hot and hard if felt,feeling the veins rippling under my fingers,and it felt so wrong which made it even better.As by now I was a rebel,wouldnt do as I was told,what to think what to believe what to wear....yep a rebel without a clue.Im sure my mother wondered if she had two girls and not one girl and one boy,as many times I would pinch her nail varnish or lipstick and do myself up."hes eaten my lipstick again!" my mother would cry lol.I never ate it,I applied it,so I think she was just k**ding herself that I had ate it and not what I was really doing,and that was being a girl.
Id pinch my sisters high heels and walk around in them much to everyones amazement.Ok the first time I fell over,and walked like I had crapped my pants,but eventually I got the hang of it and could walk easily in them.I loved how they made my legs look longer,how taller I was,and how they made my little round bum stick out more.
Id even go out dressed as a girl,but if I got caught Id always get a good belting for being bad.
Another favorite pastime I had now,was screwing myself with carrots or cucumbers,wanking off over them,then cleaning them up and putting them back.Then,when sat at dinner with the family,Id be feeling guilty,wicked,bad,and strangely good,as my family tooked into the cucumbers and carrots that earlier that day had been screwing my bum senseless.Yep I think I was a wicked c***d for sure.Still it was funny.
I would also get my sisters stockings and suspenders,high heels and minidress,run off to the woods,put them on,then lipstick and nail polish curtesy of dearest mama,then I would slink up and down the golf course in full view of the golfers,flashing my stocking tops whenever the wind blew my dress up,and the same to the railway workers down the marshelling yards,but always a distance away,or a "head start" as I like to think of it.
I just loved being stared at,and wolf whistled,and all the dirty things they used to shout at me,things they wanted to do to me,or things they wanted me to do to them.It was such a huge turn on,plus I really wanted to,but didnt dare,not after the gruesome twosome in the caravan.
As by now,I was well known as it was only a little village still,and some boys liked to mess with me knowing full well I had a cock,and would do pretty much anything with them,but a lot didnt like the fact I looked just like a girl but was a boy.It freaked them out so avoided me at all costs.
But sometimes I got dragged off into the woods for some "fun".It was only kissing and fondling,wanking each other off or fingering.Nothing else.Sometimes Id get my bum smacked,or made to do a striptease,or a little sex show for them.Id be handed something to shove up myself while they watched,or a few of their mates would take me to their shed,and hold my arms down on a table,while two held my legs apart,then they would take turns snogging me and shoving things up me,fruit,fork handles,broom handles,all sorts.All the while wanking themselves off,then cumming all over me.It seemed funny to them when theyd done with me,to just chuck me out onto the street covered in their cum.I just thought it so hot,and like look what Ive been up to,as I never cared what anyone thought.
Dont know why they never shagged me though,I wouldve let them,all five of them if theyd have wanted.Thats how turned on I used to get.
Other times in the shed,theyd give me a spanking,make me get my cock out and wank myself off,or screw myself with something while they all watched.Sometimes theyd hit my cock and call me disgusting names,give me a good belting or something as we acted out scenarios together.Bit like k**s playing doctors and nurses.
I didnt mind,it was all fun and exciting.Plus I was never scared as I could kill all of them easy enough if need be,and they knew it,even though they were a lot older than me.
Simpler times.
Yep I was getting worse,Id be getting more and more brazen,Id now be tooking my cock away,then doing a striptease for the workers or golfers,and a little slow sexy dance when fully nude all the while hiding my cock so they thought I was female.....then running away when Id done.Such a weird k**.
It was fun,a turn on,and something to do as there wasnt much to do back then,and we all had to make our own entertainment.....well.......that was mine.I loved being watched,stared at,and a huge turn on knowing they thought I was a girl but I knew differently.Not an exhibitionist,just loved being viewed as a girl,as I felt like one,I just happen to have a cock and not a vagina,plus I cant get pregnant I know that for a fact.Bonus.
But it was lovely knowning I was being seen as a girl,not some freakshow.
I was getting worse,always in trouble at home and at school.Arguing with teachers becouse I knew more about physics than they did,and could do really difficult equations in my head and they couldnt,and I seemed to be about to blow a fuse.
Becouse about now I didnt know what I was.I had gone out with a couple of girls,only done kissing fondling fingering,thats all.But I wanted to be dressed like them not in boy mode as I called it.All very confusing as I thought I was the only one in the world that loved to dress up in girls clothes.So........
Am I a girl?
Am I a boy?
Do I fancy girls?(hell yeah!!!)
Do I fancy boys?(not really)
Do I fancy girly boys (yes yes yes yes please yes)
Why do I have a girls body?Why do I have a boys cock?Why is it bigger than anyone elses?Why do I look like a girl and not a boy?Why do boy clothes and shoes not fit but girls do?Why can I walk in high heels easy peasy?My mates cant.
Whats wrong with me?
Am I wicked?Am I good?
What am I?
Round and round we go......
No idea,no answers,no one to talk to as I dont talk.Im always with my best friend Julia,her mates,my female mates,one male friend,just always with the girls,cant stand male company.Urgh.Except when Im dragged off for "just some messing about" in the woods.
So something of a mess.Time and again I would try to stop putting on makeup,or dressing up in girls clothes,but I would yearn for it so much,like a part of me was missing,and Id just get angrier and angrier.
Not good.
What really got my goat was the double standards.As I always believed we are all equal,no one is above us in human terms,we are all equal,we are all different,yet equally the same.So double standards I hated.
As being with the girls all the time,I was one of them.They treated me just the same as any other girl.I was "different from the rest",or "not like other boys",another favorite was "youre just a girl like the rest of us".And I was treated just like any other girl in the group.We gossiped,swaped makeup tips,hair styles etc,talked about boys and why they should all be rounded up and shot.The usual.
But what got me mad was,it was ok for the girls to kiss each other,practice sex on each other,fingering licking out etc on each other.That was normal,didnt make them lesbians or anything.But if I kissed a boy,that was gay.If I fingered a couple of femboys in the showers,thats gay,or wanked them off,thats gay,thats wrong.But for girls to kiss or play with each other,thats fine and normal!
For me to see how many candles or carrots I can fit up my bum,or how far I can shove a pen or school compass up inside my cock is weird and wrong,but girls seeing how many pencils can fit in their fannys,thats ok.
Straight blokes are clueless when it comes to women.Females are FAR more pervy than blokes,have far wilder fantasies than men,and far more sexed and open minded generally speaking.Blokes think they are pervy,but believe me no you are not.Women are far worse.They used to shock me regulary,and they all knew exactly how many candles would fit inside them.Sadly it was always more than I could take.Odd.
But that was ok for them,not for me.It was ok for them to hold hands,no one thought anything of that,but me being taken into the woods by the hand "for some fun" was gay and wrong.Girls wearing trousers to school thats fine,normal,nothing wrong with that.But if I want to wear a dress to school thats bad,wrong,and theres something wrong with me.
Double standards anyone?!
Things all came to a head though like it does,Id just broke some idiots arm,set off the fire alarm,and numerous other offences so off to the heads offices for yet another caning,and the last time I had been caned,I had been bent over the heads desk,trousers and pants pulled down,held down (which was SOOOOOOO much of a turn on) while being caned on my bare bum,hard.I mean really hard,as I had been winding him up a bit.
Well as usual I had a massive hard on,with my pants and trousers round my knees,my cock swaying too and fro from the wacks of the cane,hitting the edge of his desk with each swipe till he had done.
I couldnt help it,I turned around and looked at the red stripes on my round sticky out bum,and that was it.Felt like my cock was going to explode.
The head ordered me to pull up my trousers and get out,but instead and just turned around slowly,letting my pants and trousers fall to the floor,showing him my swollen rock hard cock,smiling seductively at him while playing with my hair.Me trying to look sexy in other words.Well he blew his top...."get out of my office you disgusting boy get out".I just replied "you dont know what youre missing" as I slowly and slinkily pulled my pants and trousers back up.Then left all the while hes ranting away at me calling me all sorts.
Dont know why I did that.I wouldve let him screw me if he'd wanted.I wanted to be screwed so badly.Just to see what it was like.
Then shortly after that I was expelled,the first k** to ever be expelled from the school.Then when I got home I really cop'd for it for "bringing shame on the family".That was a beating and a half!Thats for sure.
That night I ran away from home,aged 14.
Little did I know my crossdressing was about to explode big time,in a good way.......
18 year old me-
and the Vietnam war broke out.Nothing to do with me,just a horrible coincidence,but at least you know how old I am now!
Now Im nearly 57 yikes,still almost 5ft 6 the same as pornstar Kate Zoha,size 10,shoe size womens uk size 6 and still a crappy A cup.Ive been crossdressing for 50 years now.A long time.
This isnt my life story as thats a yawnfest,this is only the bits about my crossdressing so no need to nod off just yet.
So I was born a boy,as aparently "you couldnt miss IT" but looked just like a baby girl,blonde blue eyes and a little chunky.As was customery at the time in Yorkshire,I was dressed as a girl,in a really fetching white silk skater dress,matching pants and shoes.I guess you could say that was when my crossdressing started.
The reason behind being dressed as a girl,was the elves only stole boy babies never the girl ones,so by dressing the boys the same,they wouldnt get stolen by the elves.
I find it hard to believe the elves are that dim,but that is where that comes from.Yorkshire has moved on a lot since then,we have indoor toilets,running water,and even the A1 is about to have its cobblestones replaced with tarmac!
Anyway,eventually I was dressed in boys clothes,which I hated,so for many years I took to being naked whenever possible as you can get away with it when youre two or three years old,much harder when youre fifty,and probably why Im not allowed on buses anymore.
I cant remember what I did last week,or why Ive just gone into the kitchen,but I do remember clear as day the first time I put on girls clothes.I was about 5 or 6 at the time,and I was doing my chores one of which was putting the washing away.As I put all the towels and stuff in the airing cupboard I grabbed the next piece to go in,and it was my sisters leotard and gym skirt.They felt so soft and strechy,so nice and smooth to the touch,unlike my boy clothes which felt like they were made out of oil skins and wire wool.Urgh.
I just kept rubbing my fingers over the material and for some weird reason decided to put them on.Took me a few seconds to work out how to put the leotard on,but finally worked out my head didnt belong in one of the arm holes,once I figured that out I was on a roll....then I pulled up the little blue pleated gym skirt.My sister was older than me,so they fitted me just nicely.
I loved it!
It felt soooo so soft,and it moved and stretched with me,and hugged me tightly,such a wonderful feeling,and seeing the skirt fly up and flare out when I turned looked so graceful like it had a life of its own.
So I started to walk up and down,taking my sister off,twirling round and doing over exagerated female walking and posing.
Then I caught my reflection in the mirror,and it took my breath away,I just gasped.Id didnt look like me at all.Id always not liked looking in a mirror,I never liked what I saw,but this I did like.The clothes fitted perfectly,hugged me and showed me off so nicely,complimenting my little form.
My legs looked really long and slim,my little bum looked so cute when I spun round and my skirt flew up,it just fitted like a glove and made me feel so warm and fuzzy,so nice and happy,like this was natural,it was right.It just felt right.But then I realised........
I looked like a girl!
That freaked me out big time,so off they came hastily.I folded them up and shoved them in the airing cupboard.Slammed the door shut and climbed down,then rushed off to my bedroom and shut the door.Laying on the bed my head was swimming......first I couldnt believe I had just worn my sisters clothes,second they felt and looked sooooo good,but I looked like a girl.
Arrrrrggghhh.
I thought Im not doing that again.
........now how many times have I said that since!
It just freaked me out as I knew I was a boy,but I didnt look like one.So weird.Scary.Freaky.Yet so wonderful.
So that was my first time and I thought my last.I tried to put it out of mind,I was always doing something daft,like walking out onto the windowsill upstairs,walking along it and back in through the other window,or climbing up the ladders and swinging like a monkey from the gutters for some strange reason.
But it was always there in the back of my mind,how lovely it felt,how nice it looked,and how I looked just like a girl,and not boy like at all.It was that,that was nagging away at me,I tried to dismiss it but couldnt help being drawn to it like a moth to a flame.It excited me like nothing else.
It wasnt long before I was putting the washing away and there was my sisters little school uniform.....yep here we go again.
Yes,I pulled it all on,had another fight with the armholes vs the neck hole but eventually sorted it out.Why is clothing so complicated?!
Again I was walking up and down,trying to swing my hips that I didnt possess,and doing exagerated girly poses,blowing kisses to imaginary people like I had seen done in the films of the day.I stopped in front of the mirror again,and just stared at myself,as it didnt look like me at all.I moved close up and gazing into my own blue eyes and wondering what I am.I knew I was a boy but just didnt look like one.So strange.But it felt so wonderful I didnt want to take it off this time,I just danced around as quietly as I could becouse I didnt want to get caught,as I didnt know if I was being bad or not.
This then became the norm for me,every week if the coast was clear,I would grab my sisters gym outfit which was my fave,and dance and parade around,and act out scenes Id seen in the films on tv,usually musicals,with me as the leading lady.I loved it,it made me so happy and felt just right,natural.
Plus how I loved how the leotard kept going up my crack and forcing my little bum cheeks apart,felt so open,vunerable,inviting even.
Just loved it and it make me smile,so happy and content like never before.
I think it was just another step on the road,as I remember dragging my feet across the floor with my mothers high heels on trying to be like her,her friends or my nan for some weird reason,as they all wore high heels when going out to a musical or ballet as we were a very musical family.
I rememeber every day coming home from school there would be classical music playing,or my mother on the piano,or some musical or classic film on the tv and always a house full of women.
Please remember this was a time before the internet,porn mags,sex,mobile phones (everyone under 30 has just killed themselves at the mere thought of no phones) or even people talking about such things.It was a very innocent time unlike now,the world has definetely lost its innocence these days.So it was all just innocent fun nothing more or less,and it made me very happy,nothing else did.
Ive been asked many times how I learnt to be girly.....how I learnt to talk like a girl,walk like one,act like one....my answer is "I never have".As Im always just me being me,that is how I am in real life.
Looking back,I think it was becouse Ive always been surrounded and outnumbered by women.When I was little it would be at least two,my mother and my sister,then the next door neighbours would pop over for a cuppa every day,thats four of them,or my mothers friends would come over once or three times a week,thats five of them,or my nan and my cousins would come over for the day,thats another five...so you see why I think I seem to talk move and act like a girl,is becouse I was always surrounded by women every day and so took that as the way to be.
Even at school the girls outnumbered the boys,and my one and only friend all through school was my best friend Julia (whos name I took for myself in rememberance of her) the teachers were all women,and the headmistress was female.Well a female orc,but a female nontheless.
So I guess I just watched how they all behaved walked and talked,and thats what I took how to be maybe.Dont know but it is how I am I dont do any acting in my videos or photos,I wanted to just be me,warts n all.
There may be some truth in it,as I remember my mother saying to my father many times that I needed more male influence in my life as I rarely got any,as back then the men went to work and it was hard graft not sat in an office pressing buttons.So we only saw the men folk in an evening or on a Sunday.
Or maybe I was just born this way,who knows who cares,or could it just be thats the way I am,how hard is that.Sometimes life really is that easy lol.
Anyway as the years went by,I went to infants school,didnt talk,couldnt read or write,and spent all the time with my best friend Julia who lived up the road from us.She was lovely,couldnt be more girly if she tried.Just adored her.So glamourous beautiful,always dressed to the nines,kind lovely always smiling,loved her to bits.
But it was about this time I noticed I was different,as I started getting called a girl a lot.It didnt bother me as I couldnt see how it was a bad thing,I felt it was like calling my nan a woman......whats up with that.But if you called her a bad name,then that wouldve been the last thing you did in this world!
So I never thought being called a girl was anything but a compliment,like years later whenever I was told to go screw myself,I always smiled and said "at least I can",as I could put my own cock up my bum and do myself if need be.
Then came the Junior school,I still didnt talk,I had said a few words but thats all I did.Still couldnt read or write and the teachers had given up on me already,so I started to teach myself as there wasnt such a thing as dyslexia back then.The girl thing started getting worse though,it was every day being called a girl,looking like one acting like one,being friends with one etc.Again it didnt bother me,couldnt see anything wrong with it,but then came the punch ups.I didnt like being hit.I put up with it for a while,as Id always been taught to run away fight again another day,and to turn the other cheek,but one day I had had enough and just beat the absolute crap out of one of the bullys.
I had to be pulled off by the teachers and that was my first caning.
Being made to stand in the headmistress office,then this giant orc of a woman pulled my shorts down and caned my bum,then I was ordered to pull up my shorts.I have to admit I didnt mind it,I liked being exposed like that,and the sharp sting of the cane on my bare bum,then the warm glow afterwards,and being exposed like that was just yummy.I liked it in a way,but didnt like being in trouble as i hadnt started it,but I had finished it.
Then when I got home I would get a good belting for being in trouble YET AGAIN,as that was what it was like back then,didnt do us any harm (I type sitting here in only a minidress lol)
This became a regular thing,some giant arse with a tiny penis would start pushing me around calling me a girl and all that,then I would beat the living piss out of him,then off to be caned again.............again.....and again.
It worked out ok though,I did get a reputation for being a complete psychokitten,which was nice,plus I was now a "disruptive element" according to my school report.Me?Really?Never.hehehe
Then something weird happened...I had been caught stealing reading books from the school library as I was teaching myself to read and write,with Julias help ofcourse,and Id just fallen off the school roof and bust my face on the coke pile (which is why I always look like one eye is half shut to this day),always fighting,always with the girls never the boys,and always in trouble....so this one day I was told to go to the office and be assessed.Aparently everyone was to do this,yet weirdly I was the only one.Odd.Anyway some nice woman talked to me about all sorts of crap,and wrote stuff down,and Id answer questions and do tests and stuff.
I guess the report wasnt good,as afterwards my family wouldnt speak to me or look at me for days after,like I had the plague or was from Lancashire or something (sorry couldnt resist a dig).
Aparently I did have a brain,I had an IQ of 139,not bad for someone who couldnt really read or write and was nine years old.That was when I was officially a freak of nature I guess,as they found out I was ambidextrous,with both hands completely independant of each other,one hand could do one thing,the other another,and weirdly my feet were the same,I could write draw and paint with them both,again both independant of each other,and my hands.Mustve looked like a chimp in the zoo.Plus I was way ahead of anyone else in physics chemistry and maths,but something of a swampduck in reading and writing,yet had a talant for the piano and violin,hated doing sports yawn,but loved being with women or the girls,hated being with the boys,but could make anything,build anything and could work any system out or how anything worked and got a very strange look off the nice lady when asked what I wanted to be when I grew up.
My reply was simply "showgirl".
Well I did.I wanted to be tall and glamourous,beautiful with sparkly leotards long legs and feathers everywhere.They looked so good.
I still dont know what that was about.Who knows.Anyway back to crossdressing.......yep it was still going on in secret at home,that lovely feeling of my heart racing,terrified of being caught in my sisters clothes,sweating if I heard footsteps on the stairs arrrgghhh.But it was getting worse,as I was now putting on her clothes under my own yucky wirewool clothes and heading up into the woods,then off with yucky clothes
and slink around in my leotard and flared gym skirt,with ofcourse two socks shoved down the front of my leotard for boobs.It was so exciting,heart racing,sweating,all the while thinking what if Im caught like this,yet loving walking around the woods in full on girl mode.It just felt right.So so loved doing that,expecially when someone saw me,and Id panic and run off.Such a thrill.
Yep I was getting worse,as Id also found out I had a hole.Who knew!I was in the bath in my two inches of water as that was all we were allowed,and soaping myself all over,when my finger slipped up my bum.That was a suprise.I liked it,it felt nice.As I have an insatiable curiosity which does drive me mad at times,I started feeling around at my insides,how squigy they were and soft and smooth.Then I pulled it out,again I loved that,so shoved it in again,oh my yes that is nice.I gasped.I started working my finger in and out of my bum and it made me go quite breathless it was so good.I thought Im doing that again!
From then on I was trying all sorts up there.Id screw myself with the handle on my toothbrush,my finger,pens pencils,all sorts.It felt so good,so strange having something up inside me,as all feelings were on the outside,yet this was very different,very deep personal and intrusive.So good!
Then Id try bigger things like two fingers,but that wasnt easy,it felt like I was about to tear in two.But I kept at it,as I didnt mind being torn open,it felt wonderfull,especially afterwards like I had a little gape going on,feeling so open to the world in a weird sense.Such a wild feeling.
Ofcourse it escalated,Id go out dressed as a girl,and go and screw myself with my fingers in the woods,or on a park bench,then on with the yucky boy clothes and home again.It felt so much better outside,more open,more risky,more exciting,more enticing,feeling the cold wind blowing around my bum and up into it.Sooo cold but sooo so hot.
It was around Juniors that things took on a new turn.Everyone knew I would kill them if they upset me which was nice as I got left alone which is what I wanted,but now the boys were noticing the girls,and doing the usual pushing them or hitting them becouse they like them etc.So it was about this time I became a bit popular.As the boys wouldnt dare go near a real girl and not just becouse they would get the dredded "girl germs" if they so much as touched one.As there was no cure back then for sure a thing.
But there was me,I can see how it happened,as I was small,same size as the other girls in the class,had big blue eyes,long blond hair as was the fashion back then for boys and men to have long hair,skinny with girl legs and a girly figure,who sounded like one and acted like one,so I can see how their minds were working.
Anyway one day in the playground,some much older boys came up and started banter,and general blah blah,started messing around,putting their arm around me and grinning,doing kissy faces,and complimenting me on how much like a girl I was,just exactly like one which was new.
I was ready to kick the crap out of them when one of them kissed me on the cheek as a joke kind of thing,then another kissed me on the lips.Id never been kissed before,and I kinda liked it in a way,but really wanted to be in a skirt to be doing this,not in shorts.But it was quite nice so I let them take turns kissing me.I joked I charge a sixpence for a kiss,as a mate of theirs charged a sixpence a look at his dads girly mag,he made a nice living out of that too.
Suprisingly they were in their pockets looking for a sixpence which was funny,then they said for us to go up onto the field were we couldnt be seen,so we all went up there out of sight of teachers and pupils,and with me very nervous at this point,was placed behind a tree,and they each came round the tree and snogged me for as long as they liked.Then when he had done,he would go back and another of them would come round the tree,grab me and snog me.Some got a bit carried away and started groping me,feeling me up and stuff,grabbing my bum and squeezing it tightly as they shoved their tongues into my little mouth,but I was liking it so much I didnt mind.It was my first snog after all.Then when theyd done,they all went back to class leaving me a bit out of breath,spit all down my chin,and a bit disheveled.My hair was a mess I remember that!
I didnt know what to make of it,but like I said it was an innocent time,and looking back I guess I was a pratice girl.I was a boy so no danger of the dreaded "girl germs",but looked sounded and acted like one,so that was near enough I suppose.
It went on every few days or so,I made enough money to keep me in crisps and polo mints.Bonus.
But it did get out of hand sometimes,when they started to try and pull my clothes off or do more than kissing.I didnt mind being fingered by them one at a time,but I drew a line at that,and then only one at a time,as when two of the boys wanted to go at it it was a bit like pass the parcel being passed from one to another like that or worse being in a sandwich.Sometimes theyd grab my hand and shove it into their crotch and I could feel their cocks hard as owt,I naturally squeezed them but didnt know what else to do with them.
Theyd also do simulated bumming of me,I liked having my waist gripped and bent over as they pretended to screw me.It was just harmless fun and I liked being the centre of attention for a change.
I did love it when I was waiting for them behind the giant oak tree at the top of the field,and they would all line up infront of it,then one would come round the tree to me,and Id be there smiling up at them with my hand out "sixpence pleeease" with a huge grin,"no sixpence no kiss" Id then say with a wicked smile.Once I got my sixpence Id shove it in my shorts pocket,throw my arms around them,tilt my head to one side and open my mouth ready for them to kiss.I loved being snogged,it felt amazing especially when they were being gentle,and holding my head in their hands,or stroking my long blond hair.It was best when they looked intense,and brushed my hair from over my eyes,then kissed me long and hard.Loved it.It made me feel like a girl,a proper one.
I also loved it when they would sneakily run their hand down my back and into my pants,then push a finger up my bum and finger me while snogging me,all the while his mates are watching us.Then another would come up "my turn",and he would give me my sixpence,grab me and it would start again.So hot.It always made me rock hard,and I think that was my first erection.No idea why it did that at the time,no idea what to do with it,but there it was.I didnt care for it when they all wanted to pile on,and it was mouths tongues and fingers everywhere,and this is being grabbed and pulled,and that.I didnt like it getting a bit too out of hand,so I would have to reign them in wuth a growl and a "pack it in or else" was usually enough to remind them I had put THE school bully in intensive care for three weeks for pushing my best friend Julia down the stone steps not long before.So a little reminder of what Im capable of was enough to get them to behave and go back to being gentle again.
Then one day I was up at the old oak,and nobody came.The same the day after.I was so disapointed and a little upset.Little did I know they had moved up to the high school,leaving me behind.Oh well.
I have to admit I did miss it in a way,so it was back to standing around with a bunch of girls talking girly stuff,which I liked anyway so it wasnt too bad.
Then it was my turn to move up to the high school.New head teacher,the most miserable man in the world,new school buildings to climb,new lab sinks to blow up,and yes new bullies who dont like boys that look like girls.Or should that be girls that have a cock?
As I had been busy,I was now shoving ever bigger things in me,Id moved onto carrots,bananas a personal fave,tools like chisels screwdrivers hammers,vases,anything that looked like it would fit went up me.I loved being screwed but I still didnt know about wanking off or anal orgasms yet.
Otherwise not a lot happened.I still dressed up in secret,went out with girl clothes under my boy ones,stripped off and walked around,sat around the woods,or down the steel works and slag heaps,and just loved being in girl mode as I had now named it.Another favorite was being in still my fave,my sisters hockey outfit and walking along the railway lines,so the passengers on the train could all see me,my long girly legs,and the wind blowing my little skirt up showing off my bum.It was about this time I started to tuck my bits between my legs so I looked more like a girl,as you couldnt miss my cock.It always made me smile,feel good,and I felt a little sexy too.
It was about now,i grew boobs.Nope never been on hrt,never transitioned,never would,and didnt even know about such things back then.But yes I grew little girl boobs naturally.They were only an A cup and had small nipples,but they did get erect easily just like a girls.I also grew pubes but only just above my cock,the rest was smooth and hairless everywhere else,and I grew little hips.So I had a girls figure,had a waist and hips,little boobs,long blond hair and looked sounded and acted like a girl,not a boy.I got fed up with everyone assuming I was a girl,till I told them my name,or that I am actually a boy.I hated having to do that,as they would always then look at me like Im a freak of nature or something.But up to that point I was always "treacle" or "sweetheart","sugar" or "sweety".Sometimes "darlin" or "duck",but mostly just "luv".I liked that,but it all stopped once it was pointed out I was infact a boy.
Anyway yep here comes a fresh set of bullies to remind me Im a freak of nature.Again I tried to put up with it,till I lost my wrag and yes heres the irish temper for you all.I spent a year beating the crap out of them all,but again I got the reputation for being a pyschokitten.
But I got left alone after that,but still got teased for being a girl with a cock a lot.I still hung around with girls,still had a best friend that was a girl,mates that were girls,never had owt to do with boys as I found them just boring.Girl talk more fun,as I just cant get excited about football which was all the boys would talk about.Cant get excited about watching millionares jogging up and down a field after a pigs bladder.I just dont get it.
On the upside I was popular later on,especially in the showers,as here was a boy with a girls face,girls voice and manerisms,with proper boobs hips long girl legs and a tiny waist with long blond hair big blue eyes,big puffy lips,who for some weird reason put on shows in the showers for the rest of the class.
I still dont know why I did this,but I used to get out the shower,grab a towel,tuck my cock between my legs so I looked like a proper girl,and put on a show for everyone,either a little striptease,or a tease with the towel flashing my pubic mound and boobs at them,or my bum etc.Yep I also had a girls bum,round and it stuck out just like a real females.Strange but true.
My little stripteases always went down a storm,it got everyone laughing and smiling,plus a few hard ons which made me feel really warm and excited inside.I loved to be able to make someone hard,and funny as they try and hide it from everyone else.lol.
Ofcourse the teachers didnt like it,and threw a training shoe at my head to pack it in.They never missed.Not once.
But yes I loved to put on a show,and loved to make people smile or laugh,I didnt mind what I had to do to get that reaction,but really loved it when I made them hard.I just loved to make people happy,still do.Thats the way I am thats all,and will do pretty much anything in order to make them happy or smile or to turn them on.
Very rare the showers were empty,but once or twice Id be in there on my own,just letting the water fall over my body,relaxed,and someone would wander in with a hard on already,and I knew what was coming..."can I kiss you" theyd say nervously "course you can,just dont tell anyone" Id reply with a big smile,throw my arms around them and pull them in,our hard cocks touching,then we would snog for ages till something spooked us.Sometimes I would grab both our cocks so they couldnt get away,especially if it was this particular boy,he was girly,what today would be called a femboy.I fancied him so much,I used to snog him for ages in the shower,and it was me in charge for a change which really made me feel hot,even a little powerful.But all we did was kiss fondle and finger,thats all.
I really wanted to shag him so badly it hurt,but I didnt know what to do and didnt want to freak him out,but I wouldve loved to.
Most of the time it was just me in the showers,being groped by some of the other boys,especially my bum and boobs,and it was a standing joke now that I was a girl with a cock.I would still do my little shows for them all afterwards now and again,anything for a laugh,and get hit in the head with a trainer again before being sent to the head for a caning.
Little did he know that having my trousers pulled down,then my pants,then being bent over a desk now turned me on massively.I would always be rock hard and trying my best to hide it as I got the usual "this will hurt me more than it will you" rubbish from the head master just before six strokes of the cane.Always a turn on.So much so that I wanted him to just shove his cock in me and shag me senseless,thats how turned on I got.
My first cum.....nope Id never come up to this point,got hard ons but never come,only in my dreams when I was asleep.
Well we were on hols,and I was off on my own as usual,and had stripped off to just my sisters black swimsuit and little black miniskirt.I was walking barefoot through the woods and down the lanes when I came on some like gypsies.They werent gypsies,I know that for certain,as our village in Yorkshire always had Irish Gypies visit once a year as they were horse traders and came over to sell their horses ofcourse.But they were well dressed,polite,honest,cars immaculate,caravans imaculate,horse trailers imaculate,horses the same,and when they left you couldnt tell they had been,no litter not a blade of grass out of place,but these two,they seemed to be living in a caravan and were weird scruffy and foul.Gave me the creeps.
They saw me and invited me over,so a bit on the ready to leg it mode I went over.They chatted and tried being friendly but they both gave me the willies.She was in the 40s or 50s,he was a lot older,both fat and mucky looking.Anyway he showed me some playing cards and asked me to play a game of cards,I kept refusing,so he gave me them as a present and asked me to look at them.They were all pictures of nude women on them.Never seen a totally nude women before.Weird,they dont have cocks.How odd I thought.What on earth do they have then?!?
Anyway he got me to sit on his lap and put his arm around me,smiling all the time and being chatty,she was all smiles too and complimenting me on my lovely little body,how shiny my long hair is and all that kinda rubbish,and what long legs I have and she started to stroke them.
He pulled me in closer,I could feel his hard on under my bum cheeks,I felt really vunerable all of a sudden as there was only the skimpiest bit of swimsuit between my hole and his cock.It made me so nervous but strangely excited.All the while hes getting me to look at the pictures of the nude women on the cards and asking if they turned me on.They did actually.
He got hold of my hand and started slowly pushing it down towards his cock,all the while Im trying to resist.
Then the woman slid her hand up my skirt and said I was about to have a wonderful time with them......just as her hand reached my thighs then my hard cock."Urgh!Its a boy!Its a effing boy!Its an effing boy!!!"
I got the impression that wasnt what she was hoping for.
In a panic I jumped up,punched grandad as hard as I could accross his chops,shoved her over on her bum,grabbed the cards and legged it as fast as I could.Yikes!
I didnt stop for about three miles lol.
Once I stopped to get my breath back,I sat down in the woods and started to look at the cards in more detail.There were all showgirls with everything on show.They looked so glamourous and sexy,with their long legs,and looked so tall.As I was always the littlest k** in school.To give you some idea,Im about the same height as pornstar Kate Zoha.Although she is utterly gorgeous and Im not.
Well these pix made me hard,so I got it out and started to stroke it,all the while looking at the showgirls and imagining I was one of them...then I felt this pressure,this wave of joy and excitement come over me,and I shot my load all over my legs,swimsuit and skirt.I even got it on my face,a huge splash.That was a shock.But it felt wonderful,so warm and sticky,naturally I scooped it up and tasted it.My first taste of cum.My cum is sweet,I mean really sweet,as I cant absorb salt,or my body cant produce salt,something like that,so my cum tastes not salty but almost peppermint sweet.I gobbled it all up and thought "I like this!!!!".
So for the rest of the hols,I would run off to the woods in my sisters bikini,or miniskirt and swimsuite,and wank myself stupid three times or more a day.I loved to cum,it was an amazing feeling,and weird seeing how far it shot out and how much there was.I came on trees and all sorts,but mostly my face and in my open mouth,then drinking it all down.
Then in the evening sat down at dinner,Id be feeling ashamed and turned on at the same time,thinking how Im sat there in front of my parents and sister with my stomach full of my own cum,so hot so weird.
I did wank myself sore that week,really really sore.I had to leave it alone for four days to heal up.But I couldnt leave it alone,I loved cumming everywhere.What a feeling.
Back home,I was in the shed at the bottom of the garden,and I showed a mate of mine how to cum.As Id told him what happened and he wanted to know how Id made myself cum as he didnt know either.So I showed him.....we layed down on the floor,and I got my cock out which was already hard,and he got his out.Then I put them together and started to wank us both off.We didnt kiss,I was just looking at what I was doing to his cock,and so was he.Anyway I wanked him off and he came all over me,and I came all over his cock,which I then rubbed in slowly afterwards.
Again,that was so hot,I loved holding another boys cock in my hand,how hot and hard if felt,feeling the veins rippling under my fingers,and it felt so wrong which made it even better.As by now I was a rebel,wouldnt do as I was told,what to think what to believe what to wear....yep a rebel without a clue.Im sure my mother wondered if she had two girls and not one girl and one boy,as many times I would pinch her nail varnish or lipstick and do myself up."hes eaten my lipstick again!" my mother would cry lol.I never ate it,I applied it,so I think she was just k**ding herself that I had ate it and not what I was really doing,and that was being a girl.
Id pinch my sisters high heels and walk around in them much to everyones amazement.Ok the first time I fell over,and walked like I had crapped my pants,but eventually I got the hang of it and could walk easily in them.I loved how they made my legs look longer,how taller I was,and how they made my little round bum stick out more.
Id even go out dressed as a girl,but if I got caught Id always get a good belting for being bad.
Another favorite pastime I had now,was screwing myself with carrots or cucumbers,wanking off over them,then cleaning them up and putting them back.Then,when sat at dinner with the family,Id be feeling guilty,wicked,bad,and strangely good,as my family tooked into the cucumbers and carrots that earlier that day had been screwing my bum senseless.Yep I think I was a wicked c***d for sure.Still it was funny.
I would also get my sisters stockings and suspenders,high heels and minidress,run off to the woods,put them on,then lipstick and nail polish curtesy of dearest mama,then I would slink up and down the golf course in full view of the golfers,flashing my stocking tops whenever the wind blew my dress up,and the same to the railway workers down the marshelling yards,but always a distance away,or a "head start" as I like to think of it.
I just loved being stared at,and wolf whistled,and all the dirty things they used to shout at me,things they wanted to do to me,or things they wanted me to do to them.It was such a huge turn on,plus I really wanted to,but didnt dare,not after the gruesome twosome in the caravan.
As by now,I was well known as it was only a little village still,and some boys liked to mess with me knowing full well I had a cock,and would do pretty much anything with them,but a lot didnt like the fact I looked just like a girl but was a boy.It freaked them out so avoided me at all costs.
But sometimes I got dragged off into the woods for some "fun".It was only kissing and fondling,wanking each other off or fingering.Nothing else.Sometimes Id get my bum smacked,or made to do a striptease,or a little sex show for them.Id be handed something to shove up myself while they watched,or a few of their mates would take me to their shed,and hold my arms down on a table,while two held my legs apart,then they would take turns snogging me and shoving things up me,fruit,fork handles,broom handles,all sorts.All the while wanking themselves off,then cumming all over me.It seemed funny to them when theyd done with me,to just chuck me out onto the street covered in their cum.I just thought it so hot,and like look what Ive been up to,as I never cared what anyone thought.
Dont know why they never shagged me though,I wouldve let them,all five of them if theyd have wanted.Thats how turned on I used to get.
Other times in the shed,theyd give me a spanking,make me get my cock out and wank myself off,or screw myself with something while they all watched.Sometimes theyd hit my cock and call me disgusting names,give me a good belting or something as we acted out scenarios together.Bit like k**s playing doctors and nurses.
I didnt mind,it was all fun and exciting.Plus I was never scared as I could kill all of them easy enough if need be,and they knew it,even though they were a lot older than me.
Simpler times.
Yep I was getting worse,Id be getting more and more brazen,Id now be tooking my cock away,then doing a striptease for the workers or golfers,and a little slow sexy dance when fully nude all the while hiding my cock so they thought I was female.....then running away when Id done.Such a weird k**.
It was fun,a turn on,and something to do as there wasnt much to do back then,and we all had to make our own entertainment.....well.......that was mine.I loved being watched,stared at,and a huge turn on knowing they thought I was a girl but I knew differently.Not an exhibitionist,just loved being viewed as a girl,as I felt like one,I just happen to have a cock and not a vagina,plus I cant get pregnant I know that for a fact.Bonus.
But it was lovely knowning I was being seen as a girl,not some freakshow.
I was getting worse,always in trouble at home and at school.Arguing with teachers becouse I knew more about physics than they did,and could do really difficult equations in my head and they couldnt,and I seemed to be about to blow a fuse.
Becouse about now I didnt know what I was.I had gone out with a couple of girls,only done kissing fondling fingering,thats all.But I wanted to be dressed like them not in boy mode as I called it.All very confusing as I thought I was the only one in the world that loved to dress up in girls clothes.So........
Am I a girl?
Am I a boy?
Do I fancy girls?(hell yeah!!!)
Do I fancy boys?(not really)
Do I fancy girly boys (yes yes yes yes please yes)
Why do I have a girls body?Why do I have a boys cock?Why is it bigger than anyone elses?Why do I look like a girl and not a boy?Why do boy clothes and shoes not fit but girls do?Why can I walk in high heels easy peasy?My mates cant.
Whats wrong with me?
Am I wicked?Am I good?
What am I?
Round and round we go......
No idea,no answers,no one to talk to as I dont talk.Im always with my best friend Julia,her mates,my female mates,one male friend,just always with the girls,cant stand male company.Urgh.Except when Im dragged off for "just some messing about" in the woods.
So something of a mess.Time and again I would try to stop putting on makeup,or dressing up in girls clothes,but I would yearn for it so much,like a part of me was missing,and Id just get angrier and angrier.
Not good.
What really got my goat was the double standards.As I always believed we are all equal,no one is above us in human terms,we are all equal,we are all different,yet equally the same.So double standards I hated.
As being with the girls all the time,I was one of them.They treated me just the same as any other girl.I was "different from the rest",or "not like other boys",another favorite was "youre just a girl like the rest of us".And I was treated just like any other girl in the group.We gossiped,swaped makeup tips,hair styles etc,talked about boys and why they should all be rounded up and shot.The usual.
But what got me mad was,it was ok for the girls to kiss each other,practice sex on each other,fingering licking out etc on each other.That was normal,didnt make them lesbians or anything.But if I kissed a boy,that was gay.If I fingered a couple of femboys in the showers,thats gay,or wanked them off,thats gay,thats wrong.But for girls to kiss or play with each other,thats fine and normal!
For me to see how many candles or carrots I can fit up my bum,or how far I can shove a pen or school compass up inside my cock is weird and wrong,but girls seeing how many pencils can fit in their fannys,thats ok.
Straight blokes are clueless when it comes to women.Females are FAR more pervy than blokes,have far wilder fantasies than men,and far more sexed and open minded generally speaking.Blokes think they are pervy,but believe me no you are not.Women are far worse.They used to shock me regulary,and they all knew exactly how many candles would fit inside them.Sadly it was always more than I could take.Odd.
But that was ok for them,not for me.It was ok for them to hold hands,no one thought anything of that,but me being taken into the woods by the hand "for some fun" was gay and wrong.Girls wearing trousers to school thats fine,normal,nothing wrong with that.But if I want to wear a dress to school thats bad,wrong,and theres something wrong with me.
Double standards anyone?!
Things all came to a head though like it does,Id just broke some idiots arm,set off the fire alarm,and numerous other offences so off to the heads offices for yet another caning,and the last time I had been caned,I had been bent over the heads desk,trousers and pants pulled down,held down (which was SOOOOOOO much of a turn on) while being caned on my bare bum,hard.I mean really hard,as I had been winding him up a bit.
Well as usual I had a massive hard on,with my pants and trousers round my knees,my cock swaying too and fro from the wacks of the cane,hitting the edge of his desk with each swipe till he had done.
I couldnt help it,I turned around and looked at the red stripes on my round sticky out bum,and that was it.Felt like my cock was going to explode.
The head ordered me to pull up my trousers and get out,but instead and just turned around slowly,letting my pants and trousers fall to the floor,showing him my swollen rock hard cock,smiling seductively at him while playing with my hair.Me trying to look sexy in other words.Well he blew his top...."get out of my office you disgusting boy get out".I just replied "you dont know what youre missing" as I slowly and slinkily pulled my pants and trousers back up.Then left all the while hes ranting away at me calling me all sorts.
Dont know why I did that.I wouldve let him screw me if he'd wanted.I wanted to be screwed so badly.Just to see what it was like.
Then shortly after that I was expelled,the first k** to ever be expelled from the school.Then when I got home I really cop'd for it for "bringing shame on the family".That was a beating and a half!Thats for sure.
That night I ran away from home,aged 14.
Little did I know my crossdressing was about to explode big time,in a good way.......
18 year old me-
3 years ago
