Ten Hopes for My Body
As many of you know, we don't really have much control over how our bodies come out with hormone therapy. Age and genetics are going to determine the outcome more than anything. And all we can really do is try and introduce the right hormonal cocktails at the right times Despite our hopes, we have to be willing to take what we get. And in my own case I intend to accept the results I get "naturally". Some argue that intentionally minimizing my testosterone levels and maximizing female hormones is not truly natural and I won't disagree. For sake of my writing natural means no additive surgeries.
But it's human nature to hope for particular results. These are my hopes.
1.) Boobs that are obviously non masculine. While my little boobs have grown out of the A cup bras I enjoyed through my first year and are filling my new B cups nicely they do not keep that nice shape when a guy takes off my bra. My nice little boobs become moobs as soon as they don't have a bra holding them up and pulling them together. The good thing is that I've only just been on herbs to boost phytoestrogens so far and legitimate estradiol injections should accelerate growth exponentially as well as begin my breast bud development so the projection is good for legit tits in the future. The bad thing is I want them today!
2.) Huge areolas. You know how some women's tits seem to have huge brown areolas covering what seems like almost their entire breast? I want that so bad! Granted, this is all vanity. And if I have well defined boobs it isn't necessary to convey my femininity to anyone. I just love this look. In a perfect world my large areolas would be covered in lots of large montgomery glands (the bumbs on areolas). Again, I love how they look.
3.) Big nipples. I almost left this out as I already have nipples that measure almost 3/4" diameter and 5/8" long. If they do not grow anymore it's okay. But I'd love for them to get even bigger. I love wearing tops that show them off and bigger nipples means they will show even more.
4.) Micro penis. Again, nothing screams masculine more than a big swinging dick. And my dysphoria, though light, centers on my penis. As much as I love a nice cock on my man I hate it on myself. Not that I was ever particularly hung. I was painfully average. But as it atrophies (unavoidable side effect of reduced T) I hate it less. Already I have gone from between 4.5 and 5 inches soft to maybe 3 to 3.5 soft. and more importantly just 4.5 hard. Most days I have no interest in removing it for a neovagina but the smaller it gets the happier I am. And it really doesn't get very hard anymore which is something else I love. In my dreams it's no more than an inch long soft, more button than shaft and 2 inches or less hard.
5.) Bigger butt. Okay so I'm never going to have a Kardashian butt. I'll gladly settle for half, hell even a third. Big enough that when I wear scrunchy yoga pants my butt cheeks stand out. Would be nice if they had some jiggle to them as well. Mostly I want guys to see my butt going down the street and want to bury their face between my cheeks. Is that too much to ask? lol
6.) Thinner arms. My muscles still stand out too much especially my triceps. Luckily I do not have a lot of veins in my arms. And my muscles have started to atrophy which will accelerate, like breast development does, with proper hormone therapy. Even though I am apprehensive about becoming weaker I want very feminine thin arms so badly. Besides if I look sexy enough I bet a blowjob will get a guy to carry my groceries or change a flat tire.
7.) Curvy legs. Like my arms, my leg muscles have started to atrophy. Again I am lucky to have been born with strong legs and as the muscle definition goes away they are looking pretty good. I really love how they look in hose. But I will have to work to be sure they do not just get fat.
8.) Body hair. I am fucking tired of shaving day. Each and every Monday I load up a new blade and shave myself from my ankles to my neck skipping that triangle above my crotch. My ex liked me to keep a bush for him and I still do even though he is gone. There is a change coming to this hair though. I've yet to experience this but I've learned trans women go through a significant change from thick heavy body hair to thinner, lighter and slower growing hair. This I can't wait for. It will be like heaven on earth.
9.) Testicles shrinking or gone. Okay, this is the one surgery I am convinced will probably happen. I will give it a year on estradiol before I take action though. If they shrink to an acceptable size I'll possibly keep living with them. But there are so many plusses to castration. First I am old, so they hang. A LOT!!! I can't really cross my legs in that feminine way necessary when I wear a skirt or dress unless I tuck. And for me tucking isn't even a little comfortable. Plus when a guy has me on all fours ready for that wonderful doggy style finish they are hanging there in full sight reminding him of what I used to be. Factor in that testosterone production is about 90% testicular production and I can't thing of a good reason to keep them. Besides, I do love that smooth look. Balls ain't pretty on a gurl. Period!
10.) Feminine smell. Women smell so different from men. They sweat much less and their skin is less oily. Again, I've learned that virtually all MtF trans people experience this as well. We smell different than we do pre-transition. This may seem a small thing to most but for whatever reason it is a big thing for me.
Thanks for reading my ramblings,
Aly
But it's human nature to hope for particular results. These are my hopes.
1.) Boobs that are obviously non masculine. While my little boobs have grown out of the A cup bras I enjoyed through my first year and are filling my new B cups nicely they do not keep that nice shape when a guy takes off my bra. My nice little boobs become moobs as soon as they don't have a bra holding them up and pulling them together. The good thing is that I've only just been on herbs to boost phytoestrogens so far and legitimate estradiol injections should accelerate growth exponentially as well as begin my breast bud development so the projection is good for legit tits in the future. The bad thing is I want them today!
2.) Huge areolas. You know how some women's tits seem to have huge brown areolas covering what seems like almost their entire breast? I want that so bad! Granted, this is all vanity. And if I have well defined boobs it isn't necessary to convey my femininity to anyone. I just love this look. In a perfect world my large areolas would be covered in lots of large montgomery glands (the bumbs on areolas). Again, I love how they look.
3.) Big nipples. I almost left this out as I already have nipples that measure almost 3/4" diameter and 5/8" long. If they do not grow anymore it's okay. But I'd love for them to get even bigger. I love wearing tops that show them off and bigger nipples means they will show even more.
4.) Micro penis. Again, nothing screams masculine more than a big swinging dick. And my dysphoria, though light, centers on my penis. As much as I love a nice cock on my man I hate it on myself. Not that I was ever particularly hung. I was painfully average. But as it atrophies (unavoidable side effect of reduced T) I hate it less. Already I have gone from between 4.5 and 5 inches soft to maybe 3 to 3.5 soft. and more importantly just 4.5 hard. Most days I have no interest in removing it for a neovagina but the smaller it gets the happier I am. And it really doesn't get very hard anymore which is something else I love. In my dreams it's no more than an inch long soft, more button than shaft and 2 inches or less hard.
5.) Bigger butt. Okay so I'm never going to have a Kardashian butt. I'll gladly settle for half, hell even a third. Big enough that when I wear scrunchy yoga pants my butt cheeks stand out. Would be nice if they had some jiggle to them as well. Mostly I want guys to see my butt going down the street and want to bury their face between my cheeks. Is that too much to ask? lol
6.) Thinner arms. My muscles still stand out too much especially my triceps. Luckily I do not have a lot of veins in my arms. And my muscles have started to atrophy which will accelerate, like breast development does, with proper hormone therapy. Even though I am apprehensive about becoming weaker I want very feminine thin arms so badly. Besides if I look sexy enough I bet a blowjob will get a guy to carry my groceries or change a flat tire.
7.) Curvy legs. Like my arms, my leg muscles have started to atrophy. Again I am lucky to have been born with strong legs and as the muscle definition goes away they are looking pretty good. I really love how they look in hose. But I will have to work to be sure they do not just get fat.
8.) Body hair. I am fucking tired of shaving day. Each and every Monday I load up a new blade and shave myself from my ankles to my neck skipping that triangle above my crotch. My ex liked me to keep a bush for him and I still do even though he is gone. There is a change coming to this hair though. I've yet to experience this but I've learned trans women go through a significant change from thick heavy body hair to thinner, lighter and slower growing hair. This I can't wait for. It will be like heaven on earth.
9.) Testicles shrinking or gone. Okay, this is the one surgery I am convinced will probably happen. I will give it a year on estradiol before I take action though. If they shrink to an acceptable size I'll possibly keep living with them. But there are so many plusses to castration. First I am old, so they hang. A LOT!!! I can't really cross my legs in that feminine way necessary when I wear a skirt or dress unless I tuck. And for me tucking isn't even a little comfortable. Plus when a guy has me on all fours ready for that wonderful doggy style finish they are hanging there in full sight reminding him of what I used to be. Factor in that testosterone production is about 90% testicular production and I can't thing of a good reason to keep them. Besides, I do love that smooth look. Balls ain't pretty on a gurl. Period!
10.) Feminine smell. Women smell so different from men. They sweat much less and their skin is less oily. Again, I've learned that virtually all MtF trans people experience this as well. We smell different than we do pre-transition. This may seem a small thing to most but for whatever reason it is a big thing for me.
Thanks for reading my ramblings,
Aly
3 years ago
