Common Thoughts
I recently ran across joyfuck's xHamster profile: https://xhamster.com/users/joyfuck
I liked the way she defined herself in her 'About Me' comments. It is so close to my own thoughts about crossdressing and sexuality.
I admire her honesty. Frankly the idea of being out as a crossdresser, even on xHamster, scares the crap out of me. This is not something I have ever talked about with anyone. My crossdressing has always been private and self-contained. It wasn't necessary to tell anyone.
Now I'm on xHamster. (Actually, I've been on xHamster for over 9 years, but mostly as a lurker not a poster.) I used to be on Tumblr, but only for a year or two. I left when the rules changed. Since then I've been reposting my collected images over to xHamster. And I started accepting 'Friend Requests' which I never did before.
In keeping with this small, but still growing sense of openess - and inspired by Joy's example - here is where I stand:
I am a crossdresser - but only in private. This profile on xHamster is the closest to being 'out' that I will probably ever be. I was born, raised, and live publicly as a male. I am attracted to women and I like it that way. So far, all my sexual experience has been with women. As a man, guys don't do a thing for me.
Despite all of that, I enjoy the act of crossdressing. I like dressing up. I find it sexually arousing. I have fantasized about taking the female role. So far, those fantasies have been confined to dressing, viewing porn, and the occasional experiments with dildos.
The thought of being out in public en-femme holds no attraction for me.
Crossdressing for me is mostly about sex. I dress to view porn and to masturbate... which is pretty much why I'm viewing porn to begin with, so that works out. My interests in porn have shifted gradually over the years, from straight, to trans, to crossdressers. My fantasies have followed.
My fantasies used to be about being a guy fucking a girl. Now the roles are switched. I'm still a guy, but in the fantasy, I'm dressed as a girl and I'm the one who's getting fucked.
I'm wandering here. The point is, I would like to be like Joy. If I could, I would crossdress just for the purposes of having sex. I want to play the female for a man's cock. I want to suck it. I want to fuck it. I want to be on my back with my legs in the air, taking it up the ass, feeling the man between my legs thrusting into me. And of course, the best part of the fantasy, always, is making him cum - taking it orally and swallowing it, or feeling his cock throb inside of me as it pumps his semen deep into my ass.
Those would be peak experiences for me.
It's unlikely that any of that will ever happen.
With my social and work life, I lack the opportunities to make it happen. I also lack the courage to make it real.
As long as it stays inside my head, I remain safe. It's just a fantasy, nothing to worry about. No pressure.
The closest I've ever come to a gay experience was a long, painfully honest conversation with a friend in high school. The invitation was there, but I never acted on it. I was curious, but not interested enough.
I've never even come close to having crossdressed sex. After many years of a straight, Same Time Next Year relationship with a female friend, I learned that she was a submissive in a long-term dominant relationship. She's talked freely to me about it, but she's never asked me to participate. I considered asking for her assistance with my crossdressing, but never followed through. It was close... but I never revealed that part of myself to her.
It's all to scary to go through with it.
There truly is no turning back afterward.
You can't unring a bell. You can't unsuck a cock. So I linger on the edge, not ringing, not sucking, not moving forward... and yet, still finding myself unable to turn back.
Cigi
I liked the way she defined herself in her 'About Me' comments. It is so close to my own thoughts about crossdressing and sexuality.
I admire her honesty. Frankly the idea of being out as a crossdresser, even on xHamster, scares the crap out of me. This is not something I have ever talked about with anyone. My crossdressing has always been private and self-contained. It wasn't necessary to tell anyone.
Now I'm on xHamster. (Actually, I've been on xHamster for over 9 years, but mostly as a lurker not a poster.) I used to be on Tumblr, but only for a year or two. I left when the rules changed. Since then I've been reposting my collected images over to xHamster. And I started accepting 'Friend Requests' which I never did before.
In keeping with this small, but still growing sense of openess - and inspired by Joy's example - here is where I stand:
I am a crossdresser - but only in private. This profile on xHamster is the closest to being 'out' that I will probably ever be. I was born, raised, and live publicly as a male. I am attracted to women and I like it that way. So far, all my sexual experience has been with women. As a man, guys don't do a thing for me.
Despite all of that, I enjoy the act of crossdressing. I like dressing up. I find it sexually arousing. I have fantasized about taking the female role. So far, those fantasies have been confined to dressing, viewing porn, and the occasional experiments with dildos.
The thought of being out in public en-femme holds no attraction for me.
Crossdressing for me is mostly about sex. I dress to view porn and to masturbate... which is pretty much why I'm viewing porn to begin with, so that works out. My interests in porn have shifted gradually over the years, from straight, to trans, to crossdressers. My fantasies have followed.
My fantasies used to be about being a guy fucking a girl. Now the roles are switched. I'm still a guy, but in the fantasy, I'm dressed as a girl and I'm the one who's getting fucked.
I'm wandering here. The point is, I would like to be like Joy. If I could, I would crossdress just for the purposes of having sex. I want to play the female for a man's cock. I want to suck it. I want to fuck it. I want to be on my back with my legs in the air, taking it up the ass, feeling the man between my legs thrusting into me. And of course, the best part of the fantasy, always, is making him cum - taking it orally and swallowing it, or feeling his cock throb inside of me as it pumps his semen deep into my ass.
Those would be peak experiences for me.
It's unlikely that any of that will ever happen.
With my social and work life, I lack the opportunities to make it happen. I also lack the courage to make it real.
As long as it stays inside my head, I remain safe. It's just a fantasy, nothing to worry about. No pressure.
The closest I've ever come to a gay experience was a long, painfully honest conversation with a friend in high school. The invitation was there, but I never acted on it. I was curious, but not interested enough.
I've never even come close to having crossdressed sex. After many years of a straight, Same Time Next Year relationship with a female friend, I learned that she was a submissive in a long-term dominant relationship. She's talked freely to me about it, but she's never asked me to participate. I considered asking for her assistance with my crossdressing, but never followed through. It was close... but I never revealed that part of myself to her.
It's all to scary to go through with it.
There truly is no turning back afterward.
You can't unring a bell. You can't unsuck a cock. So I linger on the edge, not ringing, not sucking, not moving forward... and yet, still finding myself unable to turn back.
Cigi
5 years ago