The sissy crossroad

Sometimes I wonder how life would have changed if I was brave enough to leave my closet in my early sissy days. That day I dressed myself in black stockings, tight black satin dress, nice heels. With my long black wig, prepared with feminine make-up and red lipstick. And of course smooth shaved all over my body. I have been edging the whole day through my sissy porn collection and I took some photographs of myself in sexy and slutty poses. I shared them in my flickr account later and doing that I was playing with my juicy little clit.

Of course I was in contact with some dominant men by writing them emails. I was writing to an older man called Udo and was offering myself as his sissy slave. Oh, all those fantasies I had about being forced on the ground, being slapped in my face, grabbed between my legs and kneeling in front of a powerful man. The man wrote me that he saves all his cum inside his balls and he would only dump his load in my mouth and ass when I would visit him. We talked on the phone and he made me compliments because I sent him some pictures before. We had some serious phone sex and he abused myself with his powerful words which let me moan and play with my clitty.

I really was so ready. Looking young and gorgeous, with all my slutty clothes, shaved, red lipstick to give him a good blowjob. But then I was too scared to get into my car and drive to him. Udo tried his best to encourage me, he told me I could come as a man, he would open the door and I could change my clothes in the bathroom. He tried to take my shame away. I knew his address and everything was so easy. Some steps down the house, open the car, a one hour drive to ring his bell. I felt so aroused, I had all this fantasies and then - I wasn`t brave enough to leave the house.

Oh my god, my life could have changed in a way so different from now, many years later. I went trough a serious phase of purging myself from being a sissy. I wanted to be normal and threw all my things away. My sex toys, my clothes, the wig. I wanted to be normal again and to forget about this situation I wasn`t able to control anymore. I only watched sissy porn from time to time, but I stopped to dress. In this period I met my wife and the first years I didn't need my former sissy lifestyle. Four years later it came back. Since today I dress secretly when I`m alone. But I have never been that gorgeous young slut again. The slut who almost went to the dominant man Udo with his urge for sweet little sissies and his loaded balls full of cum.