wait. i got one. "your mistress expects you to prepare your hole for her arrival, she's impatient, has very big arms, and not interested in warms up. so you do whatever possible to stretch that hole as wide as possible in order to please her." so, you go to the grocery store and look for the biggest, girthiest vegetables you can find.
if i knew what to write, i'd make a story out of this. but i'm outta ideas. (mostly, my imagination is just have a huge pair of arms penetrate that thing to make it that wide.)