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Introduction:

Almost a true story

Cigarette smoke is drifting like an eerie mist towards the open window. The mute flickering of the TV screen lights it up like the flashes of a distant thunderstorm. The air is thick and heavy with ragged emotions and shattered hopes.

'You have always been miserable with me. Always promising to buy me this, buy me that, but you never do. I haven't a decent dress in the closet. The shoes I wear, I had to buy them myself. And don't ask me where the money comes from. Not that you would give me any'.

She's at it again. The outbursts have become more frequent as of late, and more violent as well.

'You don't care about what goes on here. I wait all day for you to come home from work and then you just lie down and watch TV. You don't talk to me. And it bothers you when I tell you about my day, you just lie there and hardly take your eyes off the TV. I could have a lover in here and you wouldn't notice. I could be out fornicating all day and you wouldn't know. You wouldn't even care, would you?

Now comes the one about our sex life...

'You're not attracted to me anymore. You hardly ever make a pass, and when you do you just lie there and stroke my breasts and then your hand stops moving and I hear you snoring.'

No, not that one. I hate that one. It happened once, and I'll hear it forever. The other one, do the other one...

'Fucking is all I'm good for. All you want is for me to spread my legs for you. You hardly pay any attention to me. If I want your attention I spread my legs and I have it for about three minutes. That's all the attention I ever get from you.'



'Did you kiss her ass? Don't say you didn't. You love to kiss ass. You kiss ass every opportunity you get. I bet you stuck your tongue all the way up her stinky asshole and licked the shit out of her.'

Wish I had.

'You're such a big shit. I despise you. I get the creeps when you touch me. It makes me want to puke when I think that you were with that filthy whore. That you put your cock inside her filthy cunt. How could you even get it up, she's fat and ugly and dirty. She's disgusting. You're disgusting. I hate you.'

Sometimes she throws herself at me with uncontrolled rage and I fear I'm going to lose it and hit her back. I never do. All I ever think about is how sexy she is when she gets mad. Damn, she's hot when she's angry. If she'd only allow herself to show it...

'I don't know what I'm still doing here with you. I can do so much better. You're the biggest shit I've ever known. I must've been crazy to marry you. Men tell me every day how beautiful I am. I truly don't know why I'm wasting my time with you. You don’t deserve me. You’re just a piece of shit. You’re a turd that dropped out of my asshole. That's all you are, a big slimy piece of stinking shit. I could shit on you and you wouldn’t see the difference.'

She's looking at me with those fiery eyes. Something is happening. Something is going on in that twisted mind of hers. I can see it.

'You loved fucking her, didn't you? You loved how she banged you with that big fat ass of hers, I know you did. You loved to feel your filthy cock slide in and out her slimy cunt. Tell me you loved it.'

She grabs my cock and squeezes it. I can feel her long sharp nails bite into the flesh through the cloth of my pants.

'Tell me!'

Now she starts to jerk my dick up and down. I can't help it, her rudeness and the anger in her voice get me hard.

'I knew it!'

Triumphantly.

'You like that, don't you? Did she grab you like that? I bet she did.'

She unzips me and yanks my cock out. My balls get scratched by the metal hooks of the zipper.

'Just pretend I'm her. See, I'm her. Oooh. Aaaah.'

She's making a slutty face. The moaning is phony, but I like it. She never moans when we do it. She comes like a little mouse tiptoeing over wooden floorboards.

'Oh darling, you're so big. I love your big cock so much, papito, makes me feel so hot inside.'

She's imitating her voice, heavy Mexican accent. She's jerking me so hard, she's going to pull it out balls and all. Now she has pivoted and she swings her right leg over my chest. The bottom of her briefs is in my face and it is soaked. Man is she hot when she's angry.

'Come on, kiss her cunt. You love her cunt. Lazy bitches like her, they don't wash. You love the stink of her cunt, don't you?'

She has straightened up and is looking down at me over her shoulder. My eyes peek out between the cleavage of her ass. The wet cloth of her briefs is covering my mouth and nose, smothering me.

'Come on, suck it. Show me how much you like her whore cunt.'

She starts grinding her hips. Her juices are flowing copiously. High up she is moaning and talking dirty in Spanish. She's supposed to be acting.
Damned convincing act. Her ass has gone in a frenzy. She's smearing her cunt juices over my entire face. I can feel them dripping down my chin and neck. Her movements are getting jerkier, at the same time she seems to be aiming for hits to her asshole, seeking out my nose and mouth with her rear cleavage. Sweat is rolling down her broad back and the cloth of her briefs is sticking to her ass. Through it, I can see the powerful muscles of her buttocks contract and relax in a mesmerizing rhythm.

'Oh yes, yes!'

Her cunt seems to have swollen. It has swallowed the bottom of her briefs in its hungry mouth. The outer lips are thick and raspy with a week old stubble (I never knew she shaved). Her hand comes down and pulls the no longer so white cloth from between them. Thin brown cunt lips spring out and seek to embrace my face. A thick jellylike substance drips from them onto my lips. Then she sits her ass down and I'm drowning in her cunt. I know she is coming. She has stopped moaning, and the muscles of her ass are clasping my forehead in a powerful hug. The tip of my nose is right up against the soft wrinkly knob of her shithole, which slightly gives way. Her cunt is hard against my mouth which I have opened for her. She is pressing her clit against my lower lip, and a steady flow of cunt juices is seeping down my throat.

She sits up and stays a while. I have trouble breathing but I like it too much down here. I dare not move. Make this last. Then she pulls up one leg. Her ass goes up a bit, unplugging itself from my nose. But it stays there, just an inch away. Waiting. Something is working in there. The soft brown skin of her rosebud seems alive, it pushes in and out, unwrinkling and then puckering up again, like it were breathing. Then, it freezes. And then, a loud fart makes it flutter and I'm dying in the foul mist of her derailed metabolism. She gets up, laughing.
'Just so you don't get any ideas. I was horny, that's all. But I wasn't thinking about you. I just used you. That's how it's going to be from now on. You've used me for ten years. Now it's my turn.'

'Every time I see you, I want to puke. You're disgusting. You're so full of shit. You're a shit bag. I could so shit on you. I bet you’d like that, too. I bet you like eating shit. Do you like to eat shit?'

She'd started off in a softer tone, like when she's ready to reconcile, but something went sour inside and she is off ranting again like just another of her usual nightly sessions. Nothing of this is new. The subject of shitting has fascinated her more and more over the last few months. With growing frequency and intensity, references to it have come to the foreground, until becoming frankly explicit like now. But she has never actually taken any steps toward acting out her threats. Tonight, there is something different about her. There is something in her eyes, a glitter, a desire, and decisiveness.

'You know, I look at your face and I think, I want to shit on that face. That's what you inspire in me. That's what I feel for you. Shit. You know what? I'm gonna do just that. I'm gonna shit on you.'

She sits up and looks me in the eyes. There is a strange look in her face. Her eyes stray. I think, all of a sudden she isn't so sure she can pull this off. She feels she's gone too far. She isn't sure I'm going to stand for this. She doesn't know if she's going to be able to hold herself if I don't.

Again she scans my face. She's looking for reassurance. A sign.

'What? Anything wrong with that? After what you did to me, don't you think I have a right to shit on you si me da la mierda gana hacerlo?'

Don't talk so much. Just do it.

'If you love me like you say you do, you're gonna have to put up with me. You turned me into this. This is your doing. I was a descent respectful woman when you met me. Now I am a bitch. This is what you wanted. So take it and be happy with it.'

The briefs come off and she stands up on the bed. She waits for me to lie back. She's got it back now. There is no hesitation this time, nor is there any doubt in my mind that I will comply. She lifts her foot to straddle my head but thinks better of it and passes the sole over my face. She smells there too, sour and dry foot odour. She pries my lips apart with the big toe and soon my mouth bulges with her foot. My tongue flicks between her toes. She loves to make me gag.

'Keep it open.'

She squats. I see her cunt spread as it comes plunging down, but it is the valley of her asshole that locks onto my open mouth. She settles and resettles. My nose is inside the soft wet flesh of her cunt. Then all is still. Beyond and above the curly bush of her pubis, I see the muscles of her belly contract. I do not have to wait long. I feel my mouth filling up with a warm sour mush. A steady flow of soft shit flows from her asshole into my mouth. The sour rancid smell hits my nostrils like a hammer. But worse is the taste. Nothing I have ever tasted. Putrid, bitter-sour diarrhoea. I had been nervously expectant of my first taste of shit. Nothing could have prepared me for this.

She rubs her cunt with her hand while she shits. She's enjoying this. She's getting off on shitting into my mouth. Her hips get restless and she gets messy. My mouth is overflowing as I am hesitant to swallow the rancid load. And her ass is hopping around on my face now, shit still flowing in a thick yellow stream, while her fingers frantically delve into the depths of her soaking cunt. The creamy shit gets into my eyes and nose and I must swallow if I don't want to drown. High above her breathing has gotten heavy and she is moaning, for real this time. Shit is getting into her cunt as she starts to push it down into my face. She grabs my head with both hands and pulls me into her, hard. Her cunt is pounding me, crushing my nose and lips as she relentlessly humps my face as if she were riding a horse in a stiff gallop. She comes in a scream.

She's in the shower. I jerk off lying in a pool of shit. I come fast and harder than ever. When I hear the water has stopped in the shower, I wipe my face and quickly change the sheets. I already know she will want to find cleanliness. I'm in the kitchen stuffing the sheets into the washing machine when she comes out. I quickly shower and turn to bed. She's smoking. When she sees me, a naughty smile forms on her lips.

'I knew those tacos were too much.'



'What took you so long?'

My wife is standing in the doorway while I rush up the front lawn.

'What happened? I was in a meeting when you called. I came as soon as I got the message.'

'What happened? Does something have to happen for you to remember you have a wife? Hasn't it occurred to you that I may have needs that cannot wait until you decide to come home?'

She's in her nightgown. She steps inside and up the stairs, to the bedroom. I follow her, bewildered.

'Lie down.'

She signals towards the bed.

'No, turn around. Your head over the edge. On your back.'

I do as I am told. My wife drops her gown. She is wearing no underwear. She turns around and straddles my head. Her broad ass is right above me. Her cunt is a gaping slit. She leans forward and bends her knees, lowering her behind onto my face.

'Kiss my ass.'

I pout my lips and plant a kiss on her rosebud.

'Do you like my ass?'

She has such a beautiful butt. Round full buttocks, the skin smooth and soft. Her anus is a small circle of tender brown skin, fine hair-thin furrows plunging inward into the tiny slit that holds such wonders.

'Yes honey, you have the most beautiful ass.'

She pushes down and blows a loud fart into my face. I am engulfed in a mist of hot gas smelling of rotten eggs.

'Don't honey me. Honey my ass. I'm not your honey. I own you, remember? Call me Mistress.'

'Yes, Mistress.'

'Does it smell nice?'

'Yes Mistress, you smell like roses.'

Another fart, longer and louder, explodes from her ass. The stench is formidable.

'Liar! How can I smell like roses? I'm farting my guts out on you.'

That you are.

'Lick my cunt. It is all sticky. Lick it clean.'

She lowers her bottom again and plants her gaping cunt onto my lips. It emanates a strong fishy smell. It is dry and sticky, the cunt lips are pasted together and I have to apply as much saliva as I can muster in order to allow my tongue a smooth passage through its grooves. Soon though, a jellylike liquid starts to seep through her cunt lips, which part and spread, allowing my probing tongue to push through to the depths of her vagina. Two fingers appear and start stroking her swollen clit, while she rubs her cunt over my lips and nose in long measured strokes. The grinding of her hips becomes increasingly more frantic, the strokes are getting shorter and harder. Now she's riding my face, bumping her cunt into my face with short brutal strokes. Her body stiffens on top of me, my nose and lips are crushed under her weight, my head is clamped between her legs. She's coming.

She straightens up eventually. She grabs my tie and wipes her cunt with it. She's off into the bathroom without a word. I get up hesitantly, not sure what to do or say.

'I don't remember saying I was through with you.'

She's back, still naked.

'You might as well have lunch now that you're here. You hungry?'

I am.

'Good. I've got something special in the oven for you. I think it's just about ready.'

I can hardly wait. She's an excellent cook.

'Lie down.'

But didn't she just say...

'Come on. I have other things to do than worry about your lunch, so let's get on with it.'

I can't believe I fell for that one. Should have seen it coming from miles away.

'Open up.'

She's standing over me, her back towards me, her naked ass pat above my head. She's looking down at me between her spread legs.

'All of a sudden you don't seem so hungry any more. Don't you like my cooking?'

She laughs at that.

'So? Do you want me to serve you your lunch?'

No is not an option. I nod. Somehow, that is funny because she laughs again. Her ass plunges down and lands hard on my face. I hardly manage to stifle a cry of pain. She notices and cackles like a hen. She rubs her ass all over my face, smothering and crunching me. The smell is strong, sweet with a mean streak of musk. She finally settles her asshole right on my lips, which I obediently separate.

'Tongue!'

My tongue springs into action, frolicking through the soft furrows of her rosebud. Her ass shudders slightly and I feel the rim of her asshole swell. The short dry sputter of a fart breaks the silence. It smells of shit. Then something soft and slippery slithers swiftly over my tongue and pushes through my lips into my mouth, like a snake. I am overcome by the stinging, bitter taste of shit. I realize she has neatly curled a long thin turd inside my mouth. It is soft like mashed potatoes. I'm afraid to chew, as I fear the taste will get stronger. Already the inside of my mouth feels numb. With my tongue, I pry off small chunks I can actually swallow.

'Hurry up. There's more where that came from.'

My wife has shifted her ass to one side and is looking down at me over her shoulder. The shine in her eyes betrays how much she enjoys the sight of my mouth stuffed with her shit.

'Take out your dick and jerk off for me. I want to see you come while I shit into your mouth.'

I do as I'm told. My cock is hard like a rock.

'Harder! Show me how much you like my shit.'

She grabs my cock and yanks it painfully with hard, explosive jerks. At the same time, the next turd starts flowing from her asshole into my mouth. The combination of both sensations is more than I can take. My hips jerk violently as my sperms shoots all the way up to the ceiling.
But my wife hasn't finished. She keeps on pushing her long eel-like turds into my mouth, until a series of prattling farts announce the depletion of
her bowels. She then shifts her ass backwards until her cunt is over my face.

'How about some champagne to rinse down your lunch, darling?'

She doesn't wait for an answer. A thick stream of piss bursts from between her cunt lips and explodes against my lips. When I open up my mouth, it shoots straight down my throat with uncontainable force. I struggle to gulp down as much as I can.

'You can lick me clean now.'

She is lying on her back and spreads her legs. I dive in between them and lick off the streaks of shit along the inside of her buttocks and around her asshole.

'Don't change your shirt. And don't wash. Go as you are. Surely you won't dare go near your secretary with my shit on your breath.'



Muffled laughing from the living room. I'm in the bedroom, watching a boring show on the tube. My wife is sharing secrets with Susan, our neighbour. I can't make out what they're talking about.

'Peter.'

Now what?

'Peter dear, gotta go.'

This has become a routine by now. The wife gotta go. When the wife gotta go, the loving husband assumes the position and the wife drops her panties and... well, she goes.

'Did you hear what I said?'

Is she serious? I look at my wife, then at Susan. She can't pretend to do me in front of our neighbour? I can hear Jack break down in incredulous laughter when Susan tells him. Jack is Susan's husband and my friend.

'Well?'

I'm facing my wife, pointing out Susan with nervous eye movements.

'Suse? Never mind Suse. We have no secrets for each other.'

Suse. Who is not losing any of this. Who, I realize now, does not at all seem unsuspecting. Who - horror - is looking expectantly at the two of us going through our pantomime. Who leans forward with great interest when my wife pulls up her skirt, drops her panties and exposes her hairy cunt for all to see.

'Don't make me wait. You know I hate to wait. What did I tell you about making me wait?'

That a man who loves his wife never makes her wait for anything. That I owe her reverence, after the many years of neglect and betrayal. That she owns me. That I can leave if I don't like it. Bla bla bla.

The hands. They are no longer smooth and slender as they used to be. They have matured, the fingers are thick and the joints are slightly swollen and the fingernails, long and slender but they have curved and now rather look like claws. Brown stains from cigarettes discolour the insides of the index and middle finger. But I love those hands. They used to caress my face. They used to gently stroke my genitals, the soft flesh of my groin, around my balls and into the cleavage of my ass. Now they just slap and yank and scratch. I love them just the same.

The hands come down and pull the cunt apart. The cunt spreads and the inner lips protrude and part, revealing the cavernous pink flesh inside. What is it about these fleshy folds that mesmerizes me every time I come face to face with them? What is it about these mysterious depths that completely strips me of all reason and renders me to mere putty in my wife's hands? There's magic in this cunt.

I'm on my knees before the gates of heaven. I can hardly wait for them to open and flood me, but the pissing part is only half the fun for my wife. It is watching me kneel before her, totally at her disposal. It is flashing her genitals in my face, overwhelming me with the crude smells of her orifices. It is marking her territory, taking possession of me with the wastes of her body. It is discharging the contempt women have built up against men since the beginning of time.

It is also shedding the burden her mother and womanhood have cast upon her shoulders: having to be decent, having to be nice, having to be respectable. From earliest age, women are taught you are either a slut or a lady. You cannot be both. There is such freedom in being dirty. There is such power in being slutty. But it always comes with a cost, losing the precious lady status. Some pay the price, others cling to their self-respect. Few manage the peaceful co-existence of both.

It is, ultimately, reclaiming power. Power over her body. Power over her life. Power over me. It is important for her that I like what she does to me. I have to crave what is despicable to her. It reduces me to the size that fits her, while it raises her to goddess level. Every women at heart craves for deification. Worship is her soul food.

'Open up.'

I open my mouth. She takes a hand off her cunt and positions my head into an upward angle, forcing me to look up at her and at the same time making my mouth accessible to her cunt. She has become quite expert at this. I know the position that best matches her anatomy, but she derives pleasure from moulding me, so I let her. She steps closer and straddles my head. Her cunt is wide and wet just inches over my eyes.

Bending slightly at the knees, she comes down and settles her spread vagina onto my upturned face. The cunt lips circle my open mouth. Her asshole is on my chin, my nose is buried in the coarse cunt hair just below her mons. She is looking down at me. She likes me to look up at her when she pisses into my mouth, it accentuates her power over me. Her hands are on my head, just behind the ears, pulling me into her. She resettles her cunt, pushing her pelvis up and forward, then down. Her slimy cunt slides over my face. She loves that too.

'Here it comes, pig. Don't spill a drop of my precious piss, or I'll make you lick the floor.'

Her head goes back in laughter, then she turns to look at her friend. Susan is on the edge of her seat, leaning forward with unabashed curiosity. There is no discomfort despite the closeness to my wife's intimate parts. Has she been here before?

'Watch this.'

The thick stream of piss hits my palate and I have to swallow frantically to keep up with the flow. Guzzling in my wife's piss as it shoots out of her makes my head bob up and down beneath her pissing cunt. I do not loose eye contact. She pisses hard and relentless, showing off in front of her friend. When we're alone, she will control the flow to allow me to drink her in with some measure of comfort, and to make it last. Now, she is enjoying my frantic gulping and the desperate look in my eyes. Piss is running out my nostrils and down my cheeks. I'm choking, but know better than to pull away.

I'm breathing heavily while the last drops of piss trickle onto my tongue. A succession of nervous contractions of her ass sends a series of squirts down my throat. Then she is done.

'Lick me clean.'

I lick the inside of her legs where some drops have left a wet trail, then dive into her cunt again for a thorough cleansing. All the while, the friend is watching closely. I notice her hand is in her crotch. My wife steps back and pulls up her panties.

'Would you like to use my toilet? You said you needed to go too.'

What the hell?

'Uhm, yes, but... I don't know. Do you think he'll...?'

'Oh, don't worry. Peter's perfectly harmless. And anyway, he loves it.'

Susan is a dark, black-haired, sturdy woman. Round like an oil drum with square shoulders, thick arms, long breasts, heavy hips, flat ass, massive thighs and hair growing in all the wrong places. She's a year or two younger than my wife, but looks older. There is such contrast between the two women. Where my wife is slender with well-pronounced curves, Susan is fat and shapeless. Where my wife is white-skinned and practically hairless, Susan is brown-skinned and hairy like a monkey. Where my wife's skin is soft and smooth like silk, Susan's skin has the aspect of a plucked chicken's skin. Where my wife is elegant and graceful, Susan carries herself with a crude clumsiness. Although on a mere physical level Susan cannot compete with my wife, for reasons I find myself unable to fully comprehend I have always had the hots for her. There is a dark hot sensuality that oozes from every pore of her body and makes my head spin in a drunken spell of blind lust.

Susan gets up and after looking down at me in what seems a moment of hesitation, reaches under her dress and pulls down her panties. On the way back up, she gathers her dress around her waist, exposing herself. Tufts of thick black hair cover the inside of her thighs. A lush triangle of curly black hair springs from between her legs and spreads upwards and sideways over the lower part of her belly. I think she's going to straddle me like she's seen my wife do, but she sits down instead and pulls her knees apart. She leans back and slides her ass forward until it reaches the rim of the sofa seat. Her groin is a jungle of thick bushy hair. Her cunt is barely visible beneath it, but I can see how dark the flesh of the outer folds is and how the black inner labia furl out like thick wrinkled pancakes. Hair sprouts from the dark cleavage where her asshole lies.
I am pushed from behind and dive nose first into the wet marshlands. Susan pulls her cunt apart, framing my face with her dark cunt lips. I have no time to get ready. The forceful stream of urine hits me on the lips. She really had to go. I open up and allow the hot bitter piss to flood my mouth. It tastes like a strong exotic liquor, like fermented fruit juice, like butter tea spiced with strange herbs. My wife is behind me, both hands on my head and rubbing my face into the pissing cunt. I've got piss dripping off my chin and down my chest, my pants are getting soaked and the floor is a mess. My head is pulled back by the hair and as on signal, Susan starts gyrating her hips, spraying me up and down like she was extinguishing a fire. All too soon, the yellow stream lets down. I'm being pushed back in to catch the trickle. This is when I realize Susan is rubbing her clit with her index and middle fingers.



I never paid a lot of attention to my wife's friends. That has changed. I am now the keeper of their most intimate secrets. Funny how wrong you can be about people. Take Helga. A fifty year old German spinster, tall and wiry, secretary to the senior partner of an important law firm. I have never seen her as much as smile. The look in her eyes reminds me of my old math teacher.

I'm lying on the floor, naked. I'm not sure how I got there, but I'm terrified.

'So he is trained?'

Helga is standing tall above me. I can see up her long grey skirt, two hairy legs towering, gradually fading into the darkness above. Her face is grave as she looks down at me.

'Oh yes. Absolutely. Broke him in myself.' My wife.

'He will take piss in the mouth?'

'My, he just loves to have you sit on his face and piss away.'

'I like to break wind in the mouth. A man must take wind in the mouth in order to subdue him. The wind from the bowels will make him meek and obedient.'

My wife giggles. There may very well be something funny in the idea of her husband at the mercy of this stiff caricature of a woman, but I fail to see it. The woman gives me the creeps.

Helga, her face stern and without a hint of hesitation in her manner, unbuckles, unbuttons and unzips, drops the frock to her feet. The legs are milky white, skinny, thin black hairs all the way up to the groin. The skin is almost transparent, the flesh drapes loosely around the bones. The white cotton briefs look ridiculously out of time. From my vantage point on the floor, I see they have been washed and starched more than once too often. The elastic bands at the bottom have worn. Long curly hairs stick out. I see the hairy lips of her cunt where they thin out and dive in between the sagging folds of her behind.

She steps out of the crumpled crown of her skirt and ends up straddling my head. She bends slightly and the briefs come rushing down, landing on my face and blocking my view.

'There, now you must smell the underpants.'

I sniff noisily. That fishy smell. By now I have learned to love it. I think I can even tell what a woman is like just by smelling her cunt. Helga's is a bitter smell, dry and penetrating. Forbidding and unforgiving.

There is some shuffling around my head. The briefs rise from my face and bony fingers with short unpainted fingernails stuff them into the cunt above. They almost go all the way in. They emerge moist with a slimy substance. Next, they are rubbed back and forth in the crack of her ass. When they come out, there is a faint brownish smear. She may look like an uptight governess at first sight, but one closer look at where it counts most reveals the sloppy lazy cunt she really is, too lazy to properly wipe.

'Tell me how you like the taste of Helga.'

It is hard to talk with a pair of soiled briefs in the process of being stuffed into your mouth with the tip of a woman's shoe. I hope she gets the drift from the rolling of my eyes and the stifled moans. She seems pleased with what she sees. Is that a smile? Her eyes are glistening with something more than the usual fierceness.

'Good. Now Helga shall prepare you for the task of the toilet slave. You will get up and put the face into the ass.'

Bending over, she removes her briefs from my mouth, folds them neatly and places them on the coffee table. You dirty bitch, you. My wife, who used to be hysterically precise on matters of hygiene, says nothing. Helga turns around and spreads apart the cheeks of her bony ass.

'Carla Liebchen, you must make sure he has the mouth open so I can blow the gas into him.'

My wife prods my shoulder with her foot, signalling me to get up. She is enjoying this, on the brink of laughter. She places my head right behind Helga's wide-open behind. Now there's a piece of work if I've ever seen one. Slightly stooping over as she does, the vertebrae of her spinal column stick out like the crest of a dinosaur. Not much in the way of hips. The flesh of her buttocks is jelly in her wrinkled hands. Rising from its darkish brown valley, encircled by a crown of thick black hair, a thick grooved knob of dark flesh protrudes from her asshole. Beneath it, thin hairy cunt lips succumb to the force of gravity. They form an upside down 'V' from which dark fleshy inner lips sprout like some weird exotic flower.

The dry 'plop' of a fart breaks the silence. The distinctive smell of fresh shit rises to my nostrils.

'Hold your powder, Helga. He's not in position.'

A shove from behind wedges my head into the soft flesh of Helga's ass. My mouth closes around the fleshy knob. I am intrigued by it in a most uncanny way. There is something about it that makes me want to suckle on it, like it were a nipple. It has a tangy taste.

I feel the knob slowly expanding between my lips, before it explodes with a 'plop' and a forceful gust of hot air invades my mouth. I reel with the foulness of the smell, but have no time to recuperate. A barrage of farts plops, prattles and sputters into my mouth, making the soft fleshy knob flutter between my lips. I feel my lungs inflate with the foul gas, but dare not cough. I am thoroughly embarrassed by the situation, but there is little chance of escaping the humiliation. My wife is behind me, holding my head in place. Above, Helga is grunting like a pig. Her ass is restless now, trembling under the strain of an immense force. Something is up.

'Make him lick the asshole, Liebchen. Helga needs a little stimulation.'

'You heard the boss. Lick, baby.'

My wife taps my head. I start licking cautiously around the puckered asshole. Moisture has built up there and my tongue passes smoothly. Helga is pushing her ass into my face and starts grinding it lightly up and down. I start lapping upwards through the hairy cleavage, countering her movement. She likes that, because she adjusts her rhythm to mine.

'Ja ja, leck mein Arschloch, du Sau.'

Helga seems to be going into something of a frenzy now. She is bending over, her hands on her knees now, her ass thrust backwards, her hips grinding back and forth in methodical strokes, like the pendulum of a clock. We work in perfect unison. Suddenly, she freezes.
'The mouth! The mouth! Quick!'

Actually, I'm hearing 'ze mouse' because of her heavy German accent, which confuses me for a second. Helga is slapping my head impatiently, until she feels I am back in the toilet position, my mouth locked onto her anus. Her ass starts shuddering again, the fleshy knob expanding as before, only this time there is no 'plop'. Something thick and warm and slimy comes pushing through slowly, just an inch, then shyly draws back again as Helga's body relaxes.

'Don't you dare spit or gag, toilet mouth', my wife whispers in my ear. 'I'll take that as a personal insult. Helga is my best friend. You'll eat every ounce of shit coming from that asshole as if it were my own. You hear?'

I nod. Above me, Helga has started pushing again and is grunting with the effort. Her ass moves down several inches as her body contracts, which dislodges my mouth from her anus. My wife's head is right next to mine and together we watch Helga's asshole seemingly turn inside out. The fleshy knob opens up like a flower, shiny pink bubbles popping out and turning a dark blue in front of our eyes. Helga's ass is truly a grotesque sight. It doesn't take long for the tip of a brown turd to emerge. As it slowly inches out, I am overwhelmed by the strong shit smell. As before, Helga's body relaxes and the turd is sucked in again.

'Come on, Helga, push. It's a beauty.'

Helga clasps her knees with both hands and growls like a wild animal. The turd pops out its head again and grudgingly edges out. My wife's turds, when she is not having stomach trouble, are usually long pencil-thin affairs, an even light brown, smooth and soft like ice cream. They effortlessly slide out of her ass and melt on your tongue. Helga's turd is an entirely different story. It is dark brown in colour, thick and deeply grooved. Actually, it is a conglomerate of hardened lobes of excrement, pressed together and moulded by intestinal forces. A thin layer of a slimy substance makes it shine in the overhead light.

'Take it in your mouth, shit pig. No need to fake you're disgusted. I know you love the stuff.' My wife the orchestrator, overseeing the whole operation. I bet she's jerking off like a monkey, watching me eat shit.

I move in and embrace the turd with my open mouth.

'Not so fast. Lay it on your tongue. I want to see it slide into your pig mouth.'

I cautiously slip my tongue under it and open my mouth wide. The bitter taste stings and numbs my tongue. The smell is so strong it makes me dizzy. Helga has started to push again and I can feel the turd slide over my tongue into my mouth. It is so thick it hardly fits.

'Uh, macht mich so geil dir in der Fresse zu scheissen, du Fotzenschlecker!'

There is no end to Helga's turd. Already it is curling up against the back of my throat, and more keeps pushing out of her asshole. No way I can swallow this whole, so with my front teeth I nip off the chunk that is already in my mouth and start chewing. It must be I'm getting used to the taste, it is actually not so bad at all, a lot better than the sourdough my wife usually feeds me. But my mouth is dry and I have trouble swallowing down the dry bitter mass. The rest of the turd keeps pushing out and is already hanging down several inches. I watch it slowly creep out of Helga's asshole, straight toward my face at first, but soon bending down under its own weight. I must hurry before it pops out completely and falls on the floor. Who knows what my wife will do to me if that happens! I swallow hard. Oh my, the turd is thinning out dangerously at the top, pulled down by its weight! I move my head down and turn it upwards, just in time to catch the sagging turd between my lips. Again the tortuous
labour of chewing and swallowing, before the next one drops like a ripe mango. I fear I will not be able to keep up. My wife has noticed my problem and taps me on the back of my head to hurry me up. It is no use. Helga's shit is just too hard and dry for me to cope. I signal with my eyes.

'What?'

'Water', I manage to mumble with my mouth full.

'Hey Helga, would you mind flushing your toilet? I think it's getting clogged.'

'What? Flush the toilet? What do you... Oh, I see, ja ja, flush the toilet. Good, very good. I think I shall flush the toilet now.'
Helga moves her shit-smeared ass up, then sits her cunt down on my face, all in one swift move. She settles a bit until she is sure her piss hole is right over my mouth. I am awed by the ease and swiftness of the manoeuvre. I am sure she has had lots of practice to perfect it. There is a short pause before a thick stream of piss floods my mouth. My gratefulness has no limits.


I can hear them behind the half-closed bedroom door. She is howling like a monkey, while he grunts like a pig. I am sure she has planned this, for me to come home and find them. I'm not sure what hurts me more, finding them or knowing she planned it that way. I step closer. She's on her back, thrusting her hips up at him. He is a fat slob with a broad ass that shudders as he rams into her loins. I know my wife is close to orgasm. She is whining and moaning now, and digging her long red fingernails into his back. She throws up her legs and wraps them around his waist. Her ass is fully exposed between his spread legs. I can hear the wet thuds when his sweaty balls slap against her anus. I can hear the sickening 'slop slop slop' as his ugly cock greases in and out of her slimy cunt. I grab hold of the doorpost as I feel close to fainting. Of all the things an angry wife is capable of, this is the one I had always hoped, against better judgment, I would be spared.

'Yes! Yes! Oh yes!!!'

She has never done that with me. Quiet as a mouse. Like a thief in the night she would steal her orgasms from me. My heart is crumbling to dust.
He is thrusting wildly now, like a steam engine, in and out, in and out. Then his ass cheeks clamp together, his back arches, he thrusts his balding head backwards. Like sword thrusts to my heart I feel his semen spurt out of his cock and explode against her cervix.

'Oh Peter, so good you could drop in. Don't go anywhere. I'm going to need you.'

The balding head whirls around. I should have known. It is Jack. He looks as surprised as I do.

'Gee Peter, I - I - I don't know what to say...'

His cock is still inside my wife, but he is apologizing. God Carla, what have we come to.

'Oh now don't go all whiny on me, will you? I told you he won't mind. Right Peter?'

'Uh, no, of course not. Don't worry, Jack, it's OK.'
Jack rolls over. The foreskin of his limp dick stretches as it pulls out from between my wife's cunt lips, which are pressed together tightly now she has lowered her legs. Feeling he is stuck, he gives his dick a light tug which unplugs it. He is not sure how to handle himself in this weird situation, and I don't know how much he knows about what has been going on between our four walls for the last two months. So I step aside while he grabs his clothes and without a further word slips by me, out of the room and out of the house.

'And you, don't start making faces. You started this, if you will well remember. You're the one who fucked around with that Mexican slut.'

I say nothing. She is right. I cannot complain.

'Come here.' She is on her back, legs spread wide. She is pointing between her legs. 'That bastard left me all sticky and queasy. Lick the goo out of my cunt, will you.'

I hesitate. One thing is to drink her pee and to eat her shit. Or that of her friends, for that matter. At least that's all woman's stuff, and I can deal with that. It even turns me on. But this, no.

'What? Oh, don't fake it. I knew all along you were queer, the day I met you. Come on, I don't have all day. Dig in.'

I turn away. This is too much. She has gone too far. I quit. But before I get past the doorway, she is on her feet and leaping after me. My head is yanked back as she grabs me by the hair and drags me to the bed.

'So now you gonna go proud on me? Think again, buster, too late for that now. You're in too deep with me to quit now. I own your ass. You eat my shit. Breakfast, dinner, supper you eat my shit. You're full with my shit. I own you. You are all mine now. Don't forget that.'

She pulls me down on my knees before her. Holding my head back by the hair with one hand, she slaps my face with the other.

'Who's gonna give you shit like mine? Nobody. You're addicted to my shit. You can't live without my shit. Say it.'

She slaps me again. She is right of course. I need this. I need her. I cannot walk away from her. Too many dirty secrets bind us together. I'm addicted to her. I tell her so.

'Now, that's better. Come here, be a good boy and clean my cunt out, yes?'

She lets go of my hair and pulls open her cunt before me. It is all red and sore from the pounding it took. Jack's slimy semen is oozing out of her fuck hole, which is wide open. I lower my head and place my mouth over it. I can feel the sticky substance slowly dripping onto my tongue. I purse my lips and suck it out. My mouth fills up and I gag. But I have learned to suppress that impulse. I swallow instead. Then I lick my wife to a new orgasm. She screams in pleasure.

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