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Introduction:

Bill Tinker relate how he acquired lots of wives in late 19th century Texas.

My name’s Bill Tinker an' I am 12 years old at the time I’m tellin’ you about late in 19th century Texas. I can pretty much hit anythin' with my slingshot, mostly rabbits but I can hit doves an' pheasants on the fly too. It’s a good thing too or we’d most likely starve to death.

I lived with my ma an' pa an' my two sisters miles from anythin’ civilized tryin’ to scratch out a livin’. My pa failed in everything he tried includin’ farmin’ an' ranchin’ but him an' ma wuz never bitter an' we wuz a fairly happy family even if we wuz dirt poor.

That happiness come to an end one day when I come home from my huntin’. Ma an' Pa wuz layin’ face down in the dirt in front of our cabin. My twin sister Beth an' my older sister Philomena wuz kneelin’ beside the bodies lookin’ kinda dazed. Even from where I wuz standin’ I could tell our folks wuz dead.

“What happened?” I said when I run up to them. Philomena shrugged her shoulders.

“We wuz out doin’ chores when we heard gunshots. We come runnin’ but stopped when we heard strange men’s voices an' Ma screamin’. We wuz too scared.” I could understand that. I nodded for her to go on.

“After a while two men rode away on their horses. They wuz just plain old horses.”

“Did you see what they looked like?”

“It wuz too far away.”

“What did you see, Beth?” My twin sister had eyesight an eagle would envy.

“The horses wuz a chestnut an' a big black. One man’s hat had a fancy hat band. That’s all except I seen that one of the horses has a notch in its shoe.” She pointed at the shoe print that I wouldn't a noticed. Beth had a talent to see the little things but that wuzn’t goin’ to help us. For one thing, there wuzn’t no way I could chase after them galoots. We had one old swayback nag. I could walk faster than it could run.

There wuz nothing left to do but bury our folks. I dug a hole an' we buried them together. I noticed when I wuz movin’ their bodies that both wuz shot in the chest. Ma’s dress wuz tore up to her privates so it looked like they raped her before killin’ her. I wuz shore glad my sisters wuzn’t there when those men come. I had a feelin’ I’d be buryin' them too. Well, we buried Ma an' Pa an' then we all had our cries.

We went into the cabin an' noticed everythin’ had been gone through. Pa’s Winchester Model 73 repeatin’ rifle an' a can we kept a little money in wuz the only things taken. They wuz the only things worth takin’. The Winchester wuz for protection but Pa failed at that too. We slept poorly that night.


The next mornin’ I decided to take the girls into the nearest town of Hand Springs. Ma had a friend livin’ there who offered to take the girls in an' introduce them into society an' try to git them married off. Philomena wuz goin’ on 14 an' I didn’t want no old maid on my hands. I hitched up the swayback to the buckboard an' we started out.

We wuzn’t even half way there afore the swayback up an' died on us. I guess the strain wuz too much for her. We’d have to walk the rest of the way. We hadn’t covered more than a mile when a rancher overtook us in his buckboard an' offered to take us the rest of the way into town. His name wuz Mister Kincaid. I thanked Mister Kincaid mightily an' told him he could have our buckboard in payment but he said it wuzn’t necessary an' he’d have it hauled to his ranch so I could pick it up when I got another horse.

When we got into town we met up with Missus Brown, my ma’s friend, an' explained the situation. Missus Brown said she wuz right sorry to hear about our folks an' she’d be glad to take in my sisters. In payment they’d help out in the emporium her husband owned an' ‘round the house. She didn’t offer to let me stay an' I wouldn't a ‘cepted even if she had. Even though there wuzn’t nothin’ to go back to, big towns make me feel sorta cramped. There had to be nigh onto a thousand people livin’ there. Besides, I wanted to try to make sumthin’ out of the place our folks died tryin’ to protect or they wuz dead for nothin’.

I stayed the night an' thanked Missus Brown for her hospitality. I set out for home on foot. It took most of the day to git to the fork in the road leadin’ to my cabin. I wuz sittin’ down to rest when I heard gunshots an' a woman screamin’. It wuzn’t far an' I sneaked up careful like to see what wuz goin on.

I saw a wagon an' two mules. A colored man wuz layin’ on the ground bleedin’ bad an' this colored gal wuz bein’ tied up by two men but I couldn’t see much else ‘cause their horses wuz in the way. I likened it to what happened to my folks an' got all riled up but I had more sense than to go up against two armed hombres with just a slingshot an' a skinnin’ knife.

I took a couple of pebbles an' hit the horses on their rumps with my slingshot real quick like. Naturally the horses got spooked an' took off runnin’. The two men cursed mightily an' took out after ‘em. That’s when I saw one galoot had a fancy hatband. Could it be? One horse wuz a chestnut an' the other a black. I sneaked up to where the horses had stood an' studied their tracks. One had a shoe print that matched the one at the cabin. Those two galoots wuz goin’ to die even if I had to die doin’ it.

The colored man wuz dead when I checked him. I approached the gal an' she shied away when I pulled my knife but it wuz only to cut the rope which had her tied to the wagon wheel. That’s when I seen two colored girls ‘bout my age tied back to back. I cut them loose too.

“He’s dead, ain’t he,” said the gal.

“I’m sorry but he is ma’am. Now you got to do what I say or you an' your youngns is gonna be the same way.” She nodded. I sent ‘em down a hidden dirt path that none but me an' my sisters knowed about. It eventually led to the cabin. I set up my ambush for the two galoots.

The stones I had layin’ ‘round wuz good for small game but they wuzn’t gonna kill no full growed man. I had to hurt ‘em bad with my first two shots, one for each of ‘em ‘cause I wuzn’t gonna git no second chance if I missed. Them two men came ridin’ up a few minutes later.

“The nigger gals got away,” said one. “Don’t you know how to tie a knot?”

“I tied ‘em good,” said the other one. “They won’t git far.” That’s when I shot the one farther from me. The rock hit him dead center in his eye socket. He screamed in pain an' grabbed at his eye which wuz spurtin’ blood. He wuz gonna be blind in that eye if I let him live but I wuzn’t gonna do that.

The nearest galoot pulled his pistol an' turned to his pardner to see what the fuss wuz ‘bout an' I loaded up another rock. As soon as he turned around I fired. The stone hit him on the bridge of his nose most likely breakin’ it cuz he screamed too an' started shootin’ his pistol every which way but I wuz hunkered down an' he couldn’t see me. The shooting stopped an' I figured he had to reload so I risked a look from my hidin’ place. His eyes wuz almost swollen shut. He wuz gonna be blinder than his pardner in a few minutes.

The one I hit first finally pulled his pistol an' started firin’ just to fire an' he wound up shooting his pardner dead. One down an' one to go. The last galoot wuz off his horse an' gropin’ ‘round so I just kept pepperin’ with him with rocks til he went plum loco. He started bawlin’ an' cursin’ whoever wuz doin’ this to him an' beggin’ for mercy. Well, I didn’t have no mercy handy an' kept torturin' him with rocks I kept shootin’ at ‘im with my slingshot. Finally the galoot turned his pistol on his self an' that wuz the end of him.

“Thank you,” said a voice behind me which liked to scare me to death. It wuz the colored gal.

“You were supposed to be away from here.”

“Ah sent de girls on,” she replied. “Ah couldn’t leave mah husbin’ no matter what happened.” I wuz akchully glad she wuz there to help. She helped me load her husband’s body into the wagon. I looted the galoots’ bodies an' then pushed them off the road. The varmints could have ‘em. I noticed a Winchester settin’ in a rifle scabbard. I checked the stock for markins. It wuz Pa’s. I tied their horses to the back of the wagon an' then drove the wagon to the cabin. Her daughters wuz waitin there.

I got out the shovel an' dug a grave for the colored man besides my folk’s grave. I don’t think they minded. I smelled cookin’ while I wuz diggin’ an' I wuz glad for that. It wuz coffee an' beans from their own supply an' I throwed in rabbit jerky so it wuz a pretty good supper.

We gathered ‘round the graves an' they said prayers an' sang bible songs. It wuz beautiful. They cried some an' that got me to cryin’ again for Ma an' Pa. I then fed the horses an' mules from what wuz left of the swayback’s feed. It wuz a long day an' I wuz ready to turn in but I saw the women settlin’ down outside. It can git pretty cold at night in Texas so I told ‘em there wuz plenty of room inside. The colored gal looked surprised but she didn’t say nuthin’ agin it. I put all three in my folk’s bed. I lay down in my own bed. That’s the last I remember 'til mornin’.

I finely learned their names the next morning. Hannah wuz her name. The daughters wuz Faith, 13 an' Hope, 11. Her dead husband’s name wuz Wally. They were on their way to a new life out west but it wuzn’t to be. We talked for a while an' then I went out to see to the livestock. Then I began to go through the galoots’ saddle bags. I got real interested first thing when I saw wanted posters for the two galoots. They must have had them as keepsakes. I realized I had to git there bodies into town to claim the rewards. They wuz worth $250 each.

I asked Hannah if I could borrow her rig an' help me git the bodies. She said she wuzn’t ready to go anywheres soon. The two galoot’s faces still looked like their faces on the posters when we loaded them up. I drove the wagon into town an' the sheriff’s office.

Well, don’t let a body tell you that you bring in a wanted man or his body an' they just hand you the reward money. I wuz told there wuz sumthin’ called bureaucracy an' it would take at least two weeks for me to git the money. Well, I didn’t like that at all. I needed the money now. The sheriff wuz sorry for me an' he took me to the bank an' vouched that I wuz goin’ to git $500. Well, the bank offered me $450 an' they would keep the reward money when it come. I thought a $50 fee wuz kinda steep but beggers can’t be choozers so I took the deal. Then the sheriff charged me for the galoots burial costs. I didn’t like that either an' offered to take the bodies out of town for the varmints to feast on. The sheriff said no an' that they deserved a burial no matter how bad they wuz in life. My poke wuz gettin’ smaller an' smaller. I decided to git out of town while the gettin’ wuz good. I bought some feed an' supplies an' headed out of there. I didn’t bother to try an' see my sisters.

When I got home I got a supprise. Hannah an' her daughters had cleaned the place up. I thought Ma wuz pretty good keepin’ house but Hannah wuz better. After supper I give her some money an' asked her what her plans wuz. She handed back the money.

“I ain’t got no place to go to now an’ no place to go back to. We might as well stay here if you’ll have us.” I wuz surprised. She wanted to stay here?

“We kin cook, clean, do other chores an' take care of yo manly needs too.” I wuz surprised again cuz I knowed what she wuz offerin’. My prick got thick in my breeches.

“You ever be with a woman?” I shook my head.

“After tonight, you won’t want no other woman ‘cept me lessin it be Faith or Hope.” I realized I had a harem jest like those Mormons. That night I wuz layin’ twixt Hannah’s legs getting’ my first lessons in fuckin’ a woman. We didn’t pertend like it wuz love. Hannah lost her man an' she needed another quick like to protect her an' her daughters, a story as old as mankind. All three women wuz easy on the eyes an' I had no doubt that I’d be layin’ twixt Faith’s an' Hope’s legs right soon. I musta seeded Hannah three times before I turned over an' went to sleep.

A coupla days later I decided to go git the buckboard Mister Kincaid, the rancher that helped us, wuz holdin’ for me. I had the use of Hannah’s wagon but I knowed it’d be better to git mine just in case Hannah changed her mind an' wanted to leave. I hoped not. I wuz fuckin’ her every night now an' really enjoyin’ it. I even kissed her once. She smiled an' kissed me back. I wondered if I wuz getting’ love feelins for her.

I brought out the mule team an' one of the horses, a beautiful stallion. It come with a Mexican saddle that musta cost a fortune covered with fancy leather an' silver. I strapped on the hog’s leg I got from one of the men I kilt, a long-barreled single action six shooter. I led the mule team out to the man’s ranch. I expected a friendly greeting but I got anything but that. A group of Mexicans wuz talkin’ to Mister Kincaid an' when they saw me they all drew their guns an' pointed them at me.

“You’re going to die,” the oldest of the Mexicans declared. I raised my hands quick like so they wouldn’t shoot me right away.

“Why? What’d I do?”

“You shot my son. That is his horse.” Well, I knowed I wuz goin’ ta die but not before I explained myself.

“I’m sorry that he wuz your son but I ain’t sorry I kilt him. He kilt my folks so I kilt him an' so like I said I ain’t sorry for that so do your worst.” The Mexican looked right puzzled an' Mister Kincaid spoke up.

“He can’t be the one you want, Don Diego. I met this boy an' his sisters miles from where I found your son. They were on foot after their horse died. Suppose you tell us how you got that horse.”

“I jest did. Can I put my hands down?” Well, the Mexicans put away their guns an' I wuz feelin’ less scared. I told ‘em again what happened but added more to it an' then of a sudden I wuz a hero. It turned out that one of the galoots had shot his son an' stole his horse. His son didn’t die but wuz recuperatin’ in the ranch house. Don Diego wuz mighty glad I kilt the galoot that shot his son an' got the stallion back. He wuz the son’s favorite horse an' a champion stud besides. They gimme another horse with a western saddle, $100 an' loaded up my buckboard with more feed an' supplies. I also made some friends for life. Still, I wuz right sorry to lose that stallion an' that Mexican saddle.

A month later Hannah told me she missed her monthlies an' she wuz feelin’ poorly every mornin’. I asked her what that meant. She smiled an' told me I wuz goin’ to be a daddy.

“Don’t go wastin’ yo seed on me for a while. It ain’t gonna do you no good. You gonna have ta find somebody else.” Faith wuz standin’ near lookin’ down at the ground but I could see her wearin’ a shy smile.

Well, we didn’t waste no time. That night, Hannah switched places with Faith an' she wuz layin’ neath me just like her mama had. Hannah warned me Faith might bleed her first time so we put an old rag 'neath her just in case.

“Mama tol’ me you up an' kissed her a time or two.” I allowed that it had happened.

“Will you kiss me when we do it the first time?”

“I’ll kiss you every time we do it, Faith.” I kissed her then an' Faith kissed me back.

“If ah gives you a son, can ah name him Wally after mah daddy?”

“If you gimme a son his name will be Wally.” I commenced to fuck her. She shore wuz tighter than her mama but I had just as much pleasure from her body. I seeded her three times before I got tired. Three times seemed to be my limit for any one night.

“Ah loves you, Bill,” whispered Faith after we finished fuckin’ for the night. “Ah wish ah could be yo wife.” I wouldn't a minded except there seemed to be some people in Texas that said white people an' colored people shouldn’t wed each other. I didn’t know their reasonin’ but the people who knowed better than me seemed to think it wuz a good thing.

“I’ll always think of you as my wife, Faith.” With that we went to sleep.

I had a mind to add more room to the cabin with the extra money I had. It wuz just one room now an' I wanted some privacy especially when I wuz fuckin’. There wuz a baby comin’ too an' maybe more so I wanted to be prepared. I also wanted to make the corral bigger, maybe put up a barn an' more fences. It wuz still unclaimed land all around us so I’d go ahead an' claim it. I knowed it wuz big plans but I wuz thinkin’ in years. I drew up some plans an' showed em to Hannah. She knowed some things about building I didn’t an' helped me make some changes. I made a list of things I needed to git started an' took the buckboard into Hand Springs to buy em.

I stopped by Mister Brown’s emporium an' saw Philomena an' Beth workin there. We wuz right happy to see each other. Missus Brown wuz there too but she seemed less glad to see me. Beth wuzn’t sayin’ much but since we are twins it seems like we can talk to each other without really talkin’. She wuz tellin’ me sumthin’ wuz terrible wrong.

“May I take you ladies to lunch?” I said.

“That’s not possible,” said Missus Brown. “We are very busy today.” I looked round an' didn’t see nobody else.

“That’s too bad,” I replied. “By the by, can you recommend somewheres I can git this order filled an' they ain’t too busy?” She looked at the list an' her eyes got big.

“You have the money to pay for all this?”

“Yes ma’am.”

“You’ll pay now?”

“Yes ma’am, but I still want to have lunch with my sisters so maybe you an' Mister Brown can fill this order while we are out. It seems slow right now.” Missus Brown seemed of two minds. She wanted the order but she didn’t want my sisters out of her sight. I figured Beth wuz right. Sumthin’ wuz wrong if they wuzn’t jumpin’ at a big sale. Her greed finely won out. I gave Missus Brown $100 on account an' took my sisters to a nearby restront.

“What’s wrong,” I asked when we sat down an' wuz waitin’ for our eats.

“Everythin’,” Beth replied.

“Suppose you start at the start an' tell me everythin’.” It seemed that Missus Brown saw my sisters as a burden even with them willin’ to work for their keep. She said it wuz a waste of time to introduce em into society ‘cause they were not genteel an' the best they could expect wuz to marry up with a dirt farmer. I asked what genteel wuz an' she said that’s what ladies are. That confused me more but I didn’t ask for more explainin’. My sisters didn’t have no dowry neither. It turned out a dowry wuz sort of like a bribe to git a gen’lman to wed a lady. Heck! That’s what I thought a girl used her pussy for.

Anyways, the Browns used my sisters as free labor at the house an' emporium getting rid of the paid help cuz business bein’ bad on ‘count another emporium opened up an' had lower prices. That didn’t help much an' the Browns wuz getting’ desperate. A girl that wuz friendly with my sisters warned ‘em that Missus Brown wuz overheard talkin’ to Missus Magillicuddy an' my sister’s names wuz heard mentioned. Money wuz also seen changin’ hands. Missus Magillicuddy turned out to be the whore supplier to the saloons in Hand Springs an' the owner of a bordello jest outside of town. Philomena an' Beth knowed they had to leave Hand Springs or be forced to work as whores but now Missus Brown wuz watchin’ 'em like a hawk an' they were afraid they wuz goin’ to be turned over to Missus Magillicuddy any minute now.

I wuz riled up. As far as I wuz concerned Missus Brown wuz no better than a Judas. I also knowed we couldn’t just up an' leave cuz we wuz probly bein watched now an' I wuzn’t prepared for a fight. We talked an' came up with a excape plan.

I returned my sisters to the emporium like nothin’ wuz wrong. Missus Brown seemed mighty glad to see us back. I thanked her for her hospitality an' told everybody that I wouldn’t be able to see them again before leavin’ town but I would on a return trip. I left to buy some stuff I didn’t plan on.

I stopped at the gunsmith first an' bought more rounds for the pistols an' the Winchester Model 73. I also bought another Winchester Model 73. Even though I wuz wearin’ iron now I’d never fired a weapon in anger. Actually, I felt better protected with my slingshot than my six shooter. The gunsmith turned out to be sellin’ .50 caliber lead balls for people who liked to hunt with slingshots. I bought a big box of em. He also sold me red rubber straps for replacin’ on my slingshot as mine wuz gettin wore out.

Philomena an' Beth had to perpare meals an' do other chores at the house after workin’ at the emporium. This time the girls added laudanum to their meals to make the Browns an' their daughter sleep. It worked as we hoped an' I wuz waitin’ for my sisters when they left the house. The Brown family would prob'ly sleep til mornin’ an' we would be long gone by then.

On the way back I told about my adventures since I left them with Missus Brown includin’ the part ‘bout killin’ the galoots that killed Ma an' Pa. They were both excited an' scared for me but very proud of me too. I also told ‘em ‘bout Hannah, Faith an' Hope an' I’d tolerate no disrespect for em cause I considered them my wives now an' Hannah wuz pregnant with my child.

“Do you want a couple a more wives?” said Philomena. She caressed my hand an' I near fell off the buckboard. My older sister just kept starin’ ahead an' smilin’. I turned an' looked at Beth. She had to hear what Philomena wuz sayin’. She wuz ridin’ backwards scannin’ the horizon for pursuers she wuz certain wuz comin’. She didn’t say nothing but she smiled an' nodded her head. Well, I never considered taking my sisters as my wives. But I figured why not? They were willin’ an' didn’t have no other prospects in sight. They needed a man’s protection an' they figured I could provide it. Also they had their womanly needs. I just had to figure out how I wuz goin’ to satisfy five wives instead of just three.

By the time we got near the cabin I had convinced myself it wuz the right thing to do. We sealed the bargain with hugs an' kisses. I now considered Philomena an' Beth my wives but I’d have to wait an' fuck em later to git them used to their wifely duties. I just had to figure out how to explain it to my other wives.

“We wuz so worried about you,” Hannah said when we arrived. She eyed Philomena an' Beth nervous like but my sisters introduced themselves right away real friendly an' made all feel relaxed. They didn’t tell them they wuz now my wives neither. They left that chore up to me but it wuz late an' I wuz tired. I put a bedroll on the floor an' slept on that. It shore felt crowded in there.

The sun had already up when I opened my eyes again. I wuz alone but I could hear talkin’ outside. I splashed some water on my face. I didn’t know the time but I wuz certain I slept the day half away. Chores had to git done. I walked outside an' Faith rushed up an' give me a big hug.

“You never said ah wuz yo wife fo reals.”

“Well, I plain forgot but I’m sayin’ it now.”

“And Mama an' Hope too?”

“That’s right.” They wuz both smilin’ so I guess they wuz okay with it.

“And Beth an' Philomena too?” I wuz surprised by what she said.

“You told ‘em?”

“When wuz you gonna do it, dear husband,” said Philomena.

“Well, uh—

“Thass all right,” said Faith. “Mah daddy wuz blood kin to mah mama. We wuz all sposed to keep mum but we can’t have no secrets from our husbin, can we, Mama.”

“Thass right, baby. Wally wuz mah brotha but a body cain’t he’p who he fall in love with.” She looked sad of a sudden an' I could tell she wuz still mournin’ Wally. Couldn’t blame her none. Me an' my sisters still missed Ma an' Pa.

“We should all keep mum ‘bout this too,” I said. As far as anybody else knowed my sisters wuz still my sisters an' Hannah wuz a widder woman with two children that I took in as charity. Texas has the nicest people a body ever wants to meet but some things they just don’t understand an' you don’t wanna try an' explain it to em neither cause yer just wastin’ yer breath.

“I suppose you wants a weddin’ night wit each of yo new brides?” Hannah asked. I could tell she wuz teasin’. I nodded my head while my sisters started blushin’. Well, I wuz blushin’ a little too. First Philomena since she wuz the older an' then Beth. After that we’d have to arrange things so nobody got left out.

“When do ah git a weddin’ night,” Hope asked.

“I want you to wait til you git yo monthlies, baby. Then Bill can start a big strappin manchild growin’ in yo belly the fuhst night, okay?”

“I don’t wanna wait, Bill. Tell Mama it’s all right.”

“I want you to listen to your mama, Hope,” I replied. “In fact, I want you all to do the same.” They wuz all lissenin’ now. “Naturally, I hope we all git along. But if a diffrence has ta be settled an' I ain’t here then y’all have ta listen to Hannah.” I looked at Hannah direct. “I spect you to be fair an' don’t play favrits.” She wuz older an' knowed a lot a things I didn’t. I wanted her to be a wise advisor an' mama to all of us, cludin’ me. I think she unnerstood right away.

“Ah’ll treat everybody just like y’all’s mah children.” That wuz the anser I wuz lookin for.

“Well, I gotta git some chores done.”

“They’s all done, sleepyhead ‘cept fo de game huntin’ an' it’s too late in da day to do that.” She wuz right. The critters I liked to hunt mostly slept in the day an' fed at night an' early mornin’.

“Well, there is one more thing to talk bout an' that’s protection.” I talked about how we had to be better prepared to protect ourselves an' how I wuzn’t always around to protect my famly. I decided that all the women should be trained in the use of guns an' knifes. We all knowed ‘bout Ma, Pa an' Wally. We also knowed ‘bout my sisters’ problems in Hand Springs.

I set out to teach them ‘bout usin’ an' cleanin’ a gun an' gun safety but it turned out Beth knowed lots more an' me. She always wuz pesterin’ pa to show her this an' show her that an' he wuz always glad to show her. She wuz a expert shot with the Winchester right off an' took to the pistol like she wuz born with one in her hand. So Beth became the weapons master an' I wuz content to practice with my slingshot an' the new lead balls I got.

We also started measurin’ an' cuttin’ lumber for the new room of the cabin. By the end of the day I wuz weary but not so weary I didn’t want my weddin’ night with Philomena.

When we got in bed with each other we started gigglin’ like we wuz up to mischief an' any second Ma or Pa wuz goin’ to ask what we wuz up to an' to settle down. After a while Philomena got quiet an' started kissin’ me an' caressin’ me. I learnt from Hannah that kissin’ an' caressin’ helps git a woman ready for fuckin’ so I wuz glad to return the favor. After a while I mounted my sister/wife an' started fuckin’ her.

Philomena’s pussy didn’t feel no different than Faith’s pussy or even Hannah’s pussy if it come to comparin’ pussies. I guess the main difference wuz that this wuz my sister’s pussy an' I wuz goin’ to try my dangdest to start a baby growin’ in her belly even though people would say it’s agin nature. I 'spose they're right but that’s what my sister an' me wanted. After seedin’ her Philomena an' me talked some in low whispers.

“Did you ever ‘magine we would be man an' wife?”

“Not in a million years,” my sister replied. “After you told us your adventures though, I realized you wuz the type of man I always dreamed of marryin’. It wuzn’t likely I’d meet such a man in Hand Springs. I knowed you’d never perpose to me so I decided to perpose to you an' include Beth cuz I knowed she felt the same.”

“I guess it’s lucky I showed or you two might be workin’ for Missus Magillicuddy by now.”

“We did have escape plans. Beth said we couldn’t go home for fear of puttin’ you in danger too. We wuz gonna steal a coupla horses an' ride to Austin to git lost in the big city. Then we wuz gonna wear men’s clothes, rob stage coaches for a livin’ an' drink Mexican beer.”

“Horse stealin’ an' stagecoach robbin’ is hangin’ offenses in Texas.”

“We knowed that but we also knowed it wuzn’t likely they’d hang women for such crimes but we didn’t want to spend long years in jail neither. That’s why we wuz still thinkin bout it when you showed. Lucky for us.”

“Lucky for all of us.” I wuz ready to fuck again so I seeded Philomena twice more before we went to sleep.

My weddin’ night with Beth wuz much the same as my weddin’ night with Philomena. We did a heap of gigglin’ an' kissin’ an' caressin’ before we commenced to fuckin’. Beth told me after that she always had this dream that we would be together for a lifetime. She wuz disappointed when I sent her to Hand Springs an' thought her fate wuz to wed a man she could never love. When I retrieved Philomena an' her, Beth said she never wanted to be apart from me again however things turned out an' she’d die if I sent her away again. She also said she could never be jealous of the other wives ‘cuz she felt so much love from all of them. Well, a body couldn’t feel much more loved than that. I felt like the luckiest man in all of Texas cuz I had so many lovin’ wives.

Ain’t it the case that every time a body stops bein’ cautious somethin’ goes wrong? After not hearing from or ‘bout Missus Brown or Missus Magillicuddy we kinda relaxed our vigil an' went back to our routine. We finished the new bedroom an' I wuz right proud of the job we did. Now I could fuck my wives in private.

I wuz takin’ a break from my chores an' doin’ some target practice with my slingshot when I seen a two horse carriage comin’ toward us followed by two men on horseback. I had a bad feelin’ ‘bout this an' I started toward the cabin where I stored my pistol.

“Stay right where you are,” one of the galoots on horseback ordered. Both galoots had their pistols coverin’ me so I stopped an' raised my hands. I still had my slingshot in my hand but nobody ordered me to drop it so I didn’t. I guess they thought it wuz a toy. I wuzn’t ‘bout to start nothin’ anyway cuz Hannah, Faith an' Hope come out when they heard the ruckus. I didn’t see Beth or Philomena. They’d been ‘round a few seconds before. Mebbe they wuz hidin’. I shore hoped so.

The carriage pulled up an' I could see the driver wuz armed too. In the back sat a fat old gal that dressed fancy an' looked ‘bout 5 foot tall. I had a feelin’ her name wuz Missus Magillicuddy. There wuz a medium size dog sittin’ with her.

“Are you Bill Tinker?”

”I’m him.”

“I wish to speak with your sisters.”

“What about?”

“Missus Brown signed a contract an' took money on their behalf which obligates them to work for me for a period of time.”

“You better git your money back. They ain’t gonna be workin’ for ya.”

“I’m not interested in the money, young man. I’m interested in their services.”

“They ain’t around.” Missus Magillicuddy took sumthin’ out of a bag an' had the dog sniff it. The dog let out a yelp an' started whimperin’.

“He’s calling you a liar, young man. If they are in listening range I’d advise them to git out here right now or they will regret it.” Missus Magillicuddy stroked her dog’s head an' waited for a while. I jest ‘bout shit when she spoke again.

“Each of you boys git a nigger to do with as you wish. Just be certain one of you has the boy covered.”

“Whyn’t we jest kill ‘im an' git it over with,” said one galoot.

“That’s a thought. Let me consider it.” I jest stood there helpless an' cursin my self for not bein’ able to protect my wives an' puttin’ them in danger. The carriage driver wuz first to take advantage. He started toward Faith but Hannah stepped in front of ‘im. He stopped an' it looked like they wuz talkin’ but I couldn’t hear nothing said. He turned ‘round an' I saw a knife stickin’ out of his belly then he collapsed.

At the same time two shots rang out an' the two galoots wuz fallin’ out of their saddles. They musta been dead before they hit the ground cuz the backs of their heads wuz shot away. Missus Magillicuddy an' me stared at each other like we wuz both in shock. Then she pulled a pistol an' wuz pointin’ it at me an' I thought I wuz a goner when she pulled the trigger. It must have misfired. Then a lead ball bounced off her forehead. Missus Magillicuddy closed her eyes an' slumped forward like she’d gone to sleep but bloody tears begun tricklin’ down her cheeks from ‘neath her eyelids an' I figured she wuz prob'ly dead.

I realized the lead ball that kilt Missus Magillicuddy could only come from me. I’d loaded up my slingshot an' shot her without a single wakin’ thought. I begun to wake up from my nightmare an' look ‘round. Hannah wuz huggin’ Faith an' Hope. I saw Beth an' Philomena comin’ out from behind some big rocks each holdin’ a Winchester. They wuz chatterin’ to each other excited like. Soon we wuz all huggin’ each other thankin’ the Creator we wuz all okay.

I praised everybody for keeping level heads specially since they had a idiot for a husbin. Everybody said I wuzn’t talkin’ sense but I resolved to do better in future. Hannah wuz the only one still frettin’ ‘cuz she kilt a white man an' she would be lynched if other people found out. We all told her that nobody here an' still alive wanted to see her lynched an' we all swore to take the secret to the grave.

I looted the men’s bodies an' started digging a big grave. I felt kind of bad for killin’ a woman but I reasoned she tried to kill me first. Still, I wuz kinda shy ‘bout lootin’ Missus Magillicuddy’s body. The wives wuzn’t shy though an' I wuz glad they wuzn’t. They found more weapons, jewels fit for a queen an' three money belts. Two of the belts wuz stuffed with greenbacks an' the other wuz stuffed with double eagles, 20 dollar gold pieces. There wuz over $7,000 in cash not countin’ the jewels. I guessed owning a bordello could be profitable. We set fire to her carriage. Too many people knowed she owned it.

Beth turned out to be the general in charge of defendin’ the fort. She studied the lay of the land an' decided where to place weapons an' what to do if we wuz attacked. Philomena practiced shootin’ with Beth an' did herself proud though she did admit she wuz aimin’ for the man’s back. All the wives had to carry a knife in the folds of her dress an' that is why Hannah wuz ready for her attacker. I asked Beth why I wuz not included in the planning an' she said I wuz doin’ too many other things to worry ‘bout that too but she wuz very sorry Missus Magillicuddy almost shot me.

“I wuz tryin’ to git a clear shot for her too. Honest!”

“I ain’t doubtin’ ya. I’m just glad evrythin’ turned out okay.” I didn’t think I could do any better an' more prob'ly worse with all the other worries I had. I decided to leave everythin’ to General Beth. After all, I realized she got the lion’s share of the brains when they wuz bein’ divvied up between us. Beth wanted me to fuck 'em both that night at the same time. Women are strange creatures.

The dog took to Hope right away. He become her dog an' she named him Rex cuz we didn’t know his other name or if he even had a name. He answered to Rex. Rex loved to hunt cuz he wuz that type of dog. He would flush out game in no time at all so he saved a lot of huntin’ time for me. Speakin’ of Hope, I gave her a weddin’ night soon after my near brush with death. She didn’t want anythin’ to happen to me but she wanted it jest in case sumthin’ did happen to me, God forbid. It wuz all right with Hannah.

Missus Magillicuddy vanishin’ wuz all the talk when I wuz next in town but nobody wuz specially worried ‘bout findin’ her safe an' sound. The sheriff closed up the bordello. It wuz said he wuzn’t gettin’ his bribe money no more. Then the bordello reopened “under new management” two days later. The sheriff didn’t say nothin’ so I guess he wuz gettin’ his bribe money again.

Faith, Philomena an' Beth wuz all with child ‘fore long an' I felt like the proudest rooster in all Texas. Hannah wuz showin’ a nice round belly. Now I had four babies on the way an' I realized we needed more room to take care of them. I created a heap more work for my self along with the babies.

I now had plenty of money for all my buildin’ plans but I knowed I should take it a bit at a time. I didn’t want nobody to figure out I had lots of money so I bought all the things I needed gradual like. Somebody told me Mister Brown closed his emporium.

We built two more rooms an' a three holer outhouse (no waitin’) for the wives so they wood not have to stand out in the weather an' could sit an' visit with each other if they wanted. On my next visit to Hand Springs I heard told Mister Brown kilt his self.

We don’t git much snow in the winter in our part of Texas but the winds what come blowin’ out of the northern plains can still freeze a body to the bone. That’s why I wuz so glad we finished all the buildin’ we planned on time for when the cold winds hit. We built a lean-to as a windbreak for the livestock an' to keep them dry from the rains. The barn would have to wait until spring.

It wuz too danged cold to go outside this one day so I desided to stay in an' keep warm at least after the livestock wuz cared for. That’s why I wuz surprised when I heard a knock on the door. I never heard a horse or wagon approachin’. I always wore my iron now so I drew my pistol an' opened the door slightly. Standin’ out in the freezin’ cold wuz two women, each holdin’ a carpet bag. One of them wuz Missus Brown.

“M-may we come in?” Missus Brown wuz the last varmint on the face of the earth that I never wanted to see but I wuz too confounded to do anything but open the door the rest of the way an' let them pass. I took a quick look outside an' didn’t see no horses or wagon. How did they git here? I closed the door an' turned around. They wuz warming them selfs by the pot belly stove we had just got in. Hannah set down a coupla mugs of coffee for them just like they were welcome visitors. I still had not found my voice yet when Philomena came into the parlor. We started callin’ the main room a parlor.

“What are you two doin’ here?” she cried.

“There you are,” said Missus Brown. “I wuz so worried when you suddenly disappeared. Is your sister here too?”

“I’m here,” said Beth who walked in behind Philomena. “You didn’t answer my sister’s question.”

“Look, Mother,” said the other one. “She’s pregnant. They’re both pregnant.” Well, that answered one question I had. The younger one wuz Missus Brown’s daughter. I never met her before an' I didn’t know her name.

“We’ve come to discuss a very delicate matter with your brother.” Missus Brown turned to me an' smiled.

“Why don’ you two ladies sit down,” said Hannah. May I take your coats?”

“You must be doin’ very well,” Missus Brown told me, “having a servant an' all.”

“She ain’t a servant,” I said finely findin’ my voice. I wuz getting riled at Hannah for still treatin’ 'em nice. She could figure out they wuzn’t welcome but she didn’t pay no attention to me, Philomena or Beth. Faith an' Hope sat quiet like an' jest watched.

“What do you want, Missus Brown,” I added.

“Well, as you might know, my family has had a run of bad luck. We had to close the emporium an' Mister Brown, God rest his soul...” She choked back sobs an' her daughter sniffed. “The latest humiliation is that we have lost our home to the bank.”

“What do you want, Missus Brown,” I repeated.

“We took your sisters in when you needed help. Now it’s your turn to help us in our time of need. It’s only fair. Please! We’ve no place else to go. You’re our last hope.”

“So you want Bill to take you an' Polly in,” said Beth. “Is that right, Missus Brown?”

“That’s right.”

“And you’d both earn your keep, right?”

“That’s right.”

“What do you know how to do?”

“Well, I know how to run a household. I could help your brother with that.”

“I see. What about you, Polly? How would you earn your keep? You hardly lifted a finger at the house if one of us could do it.” She shrugged her shoulders.

“I’m not sure. I wuz brought up to be a lady.”

“And be genteel.”

“That’s right.”

“So, in other words, you don’t know how to do nothing. By the way, I thought you’d be wed by now. You must be 16 now.”

“Nobody’s much interested in a girl without any money.” Polly wuz sheddin’ tears now.

“What about your dowry?”

“It wuz in my father’s name. The creditors took it. They didn’t seem to care when we told ‘em it wuz my dowry.”

“Well, I’m right sorry to say you two are pretty useless. What do you think, Philomena?”

“I think we ought ta sell ‘em both to whoever’s runnin’ the bordello now like she did with us.”

“I never did.”

“You know, Missus Brown, I wuz ‘round you enough to know when yer lyin’. Yer lyin’ now, Missus Brown.”

“She...she told me she would use you two as...maids.”

“Yer lyin’ again, Missus Brown.” Philomena wuz yellin’ at the top of her voice. I never saw her so angry.

“Can...can you ever forgive me?” She hanged her head an' started weepin’.

“No, I can’t, Missus Brown. I can never forgive you.” Well, that pretty much put the nail on the coffin. I heard enough.

“Missus Brown, I’ll thank you an' yer daughter to leave my home right now.”

“But...you don’t understand. It’s freezing out there. We’d never survive.”

“You got here somehow. Go back the same way.”

“We came in on a Mexican’s donkey cart. He left us at the fork in the road. We paid him what money we had left.”

“I don’t care.”

“You ain’t leavin’ if I have anythin’ to say about it.” Missus Brown looked at Hannah like she wuz a angel from on high come to save her an' I looked like I wanted to punch her even though she wuz only a few days away from giving birth to my first child.

“You don’t have anythin’ to say about it, Hannah. I’m the decider in this house.”

“I do too have sumthin’ to say if you jus’ listen, mister decider,” she replied. “Now you two go in the next room. I have ta talk in private wit’ the massah of the house. Hope, you go along so they don’ be tempted to listen in.”

“We wouldn’t—

“Ah know that, but we’s gonna do it my way. Remember, Ah’m tryin’ to save your lives.” When Hannah said that Missus Brown an' her daughter didn’t waste no more time an' scooted into my bedroom with Hope followin’ them.

“Now, what’s this all about, Hannah? If it wuzn’t for you I’d a thrown ‘em out by now?”

“No you wouldn't a cuz you ain’t no murderer.”

“I’ve killed before. You know that.”

“Yeah, but you nevah murdered anyone an' Ah ain’t gonna let you start. Philomena? Beth? You both had your knifes. Why didn’t you stab that woman an' her daughter the moment you saw they wuz here?”

“I would’ve if she’d been tryin’ to hurt us,” said Beth.

“That’s right but she wuzn’t, wuz she. What they do to you wuz terrible an' they deserve punishment but we are not goin’ to kill em outright just cuz you have a reason to hate them. Ifen you send them outside now, you gonna be murderin’ them.”

“So we let them stay the night an' I’ll take ‘em back to Hand Springs in the mornin’.”

“I don’ want you to do that neither.”

“What do you want us to do?”

“Ah’m not sho’. I jest got a feelin’ we needs them as much as they needs us.”



“You got a feelin’?” I wuzn’t believin’ any of this.

“Just like the feelin’ Ah got when you first spoke to me. To me, you wuz sayin’ ‘Ah’m yo new husbin’. Ah’ll care fo you an' your daughters now.’ And you know, Ah wuz right.”

“I had the same feelin’ when Bill wuz takin’ us home,” said Philomena. “That’s why I proposed to him.” Beth nodded in agreement. Women are shore strange creatures.

“So we let them stay an' they eat our food an' maybe they will be useful to us.”

“Ah’m askin’ you to trust me. Naturally they will hafta learn to do chores jest like everybody else here. An’ of course you gonna be fuckin’ em too.”

“What? I already got five wives. I don’t need no more wives.”

“They don’ need to be yo wives fo you to fuck em. They’s both women an' they each got a pussy. They ain’t hard on the eyes, is they?”

“Well, no.”

“Think about it. They can’t be all high an' mighty with the way you will treat them. You git revenge fo what they did to Beth an' Philomena. Polly is ruined an' specially ifn you give her a baby.”

“I’m beginnin’ to like the idea,” said Beth.

“Me too,” said Philomena.

“Also think about how much lovin’ you been gettin’ lately.” Well, I wuzn’t gettin’ much at all with four very pregnant wives. I didn’t want to hurt them. Hope still wuzn’t ready for me.

“I can hardly wait to see Missus Brown’s face when you tell her,” said Philomena.

“Missus is a title of respeck. What’s this gal’s first name?”

“Flora.”

“She gonna be Florry here an' Polly, well, she still be Polly. Think about givin’ Florry a big belly like mine.” She rubbed her belly an' I had to laugh.

“They will never agree,” I said. I wuz certin of it.

“They will agree,” Hannah replied. “They ain’t got no choice. They wouldn't a come here if they had another choice.”

I’m always bein’ surprised. Florry an' Polly pretty much give in when they heard how it wuz gonna be. Oh, it wuzn’t without a lot of cryin’ an' carryin’ on but I fucked an' seeded both those women before nightfall. It wuzn’t like no weddin’ night neither. I fucked each one like a dog fucks its bitch.

Both wuz weepy for a while until they figured out nobody wuz gonna feel sorry for ‘em. Then they kinda settled down an' accepted it as part of their duties. They wuz shocked when they realized I wuz the father of all four expected babies includin’ my sisters’. Also that I had five wives an' I wuz only 13 years old. Hannah gave birth to a baby girl two days later. We named her Charity.

Florry already knowed how to do a lot of chores from when she wuz a girl growin’ up an' early in her marriage to Mister Brown. She jest forgot how to do them as Mister Brown made more money. Now she wuz doin’ ‘em again but it wuzn’t too much of a burden. All the wives still pitched in except Hannah who wuz restin’ some an' feedin’ Charity from her teats.

Polly didn’t know how to do nothin’ so she had to learn but I still think the wives wuz easy on her. She had to empty the chamber pots each mornin’, draw water from the well, do laundry an' wash dishes. It wuz winter so there wuzn’t much outside chores to do at the time.

“Whatcha doin’, Polly,” Hope said one afternoon about a week later.


“I’m readin’ a book I brought with me.”

“You know how to read?”


“Yes, I do.”

“Ah wish I knowed how to read.”

“I think I can teach you if you really want to learn.” Of a sudden all the wives wuz intrested too. They started talkin’ ‘bout learnin’ to write an' do ‘rithmetic too. Philomena, Beth an' me knowed our letters an' numbers an' could read a bit but we never went to school bein’ so far away from town. Now we wuz gonna have school at home.

Well, before you knowed it, I had to make a special trip to Hand Springs for school supplies like slates, chalk, readin’ primers an' all sorts of stuff. Florry wuz good with numbers so she wuz gonna teach that. Florry an' Polly finely wuz goin’ to give back to the household as far as I wuz concerned. I wondered if this wuz the potential Hannah saw in them. I saw both women smilin’ for the first time since they come to my home. A little while later Florry an' Polly told me they wuz pregnant an' I wuz not happy. Getting’ them with child sounded like great revenge at the time it wuz first proposed but I wuzn’t so sure no more.

One of the few people I could confide in wuz Mister Kincaid. He knowed ‘bout my wives an' he knowed what really happened to Missus Magillicuddy. He wuz makin’ a trip to Austin an' I asked to him sell Missus Magillicuddy’s jewelry when he got there. He said he knowed a goldsmith who would give me a good price. The smith would take everythin’ apart, melt it down an' make new jewelry. That gave me an idea. I asked that the goldsmith cast several gold weddin’ bands. I would present them to each of my wives. He made several more than I needed cuz I didn’t know their ring sizes. I wanted to give the rings as a surprise but I wuzn’t sure when the best time wuz. I asked Mister Kincaid to take a nice commission for his self.

Faith gave birth to a boy who we named Wally after her father. Philomena also gave birth to a boy who wuz named Bill after me. Beth gave birth to a girl who we named Molly. Hope started her monthlies. I had a feelin’ it would not be long before she wuz with child. I wuz right. She didn’t git her second monthlies 'til after her baby wuz born.

The weather started warmin’ up some an' I started takin’ a wife or two on rides in the buckboard. There wuz always plenty of help to take care of the babies while we wuz gone. One day I wuz out with Beth an' Philomena when we saw three riders headin’ toward us in the opposite direction. I had a bad feelin’ ‘bout them an' I said so. There wuz no way I could turn ‘round an' outrun ‘em. Philomena wuz sittin’ to my left with Beth sittin’ behind. They started whisperin’ to each other an' nodding their heads. Sure enough, all three galoots pulled their pistols as soon as they wuz abreast of us. One of ‘em ordered me to pull up an' raise my hands. I did exactly that.

“Well, it looks like we are going to have some fun today,” said one galoot. “You ladies go along an' we might let your friend live.” He wuz referrin’ to me.

“Ooh! I like fun,” Philomena replied. “Is this the kind of fun you’re lookin’ for, boys?” She pulled her dress clear to her waist an' spread her legs. She wuzn’t wearin’ no under things so her pussy wuz out there in the fresh air for all to see. Those galoots started gawkin’ an' grinnin’. Hell! I wuz gawkin’ too but I wuzn’t grinnin’ none. Well, they an' me didn’t know it but those galoots wuz gettin’ ready to die. They wuz so distracted by my wife’s pussy they didn’t notice my other wife takin’ aim to shoot ‘em. Three quick shots rang out an' there wuz three dead galoots. They didn’t even have time to git a surprised look on their faces before they wuz dead.

“I hope they enjoyed that,” said Philomena, “cuz it cost them their lives.” She let her dress down an' smiled pleasantly. I wuz so shocked I almost forgot to put my hands down. Beth wuz already down searchin’ the bodies.

“I know these galoots from their wanted posters. One of em is worth a thousand dollars. The other two are worth a couple hundred each.”

“What are you doin’ lookin’ at wanted posters?”

“Philomena an' me are gonna become bounty hunters, dress in men’s clothes an' drink Mexican beer.”

“I guess it’s better than robbin’ stage coaches but I don’t want you two to take up bounty huntin’ neither. It’s too dangerous an' you could git your selfs hurt or even killed. And what’s this thing about men’s clothes an' Mexican beer?”

“It can’t be any more dangerous than what happened just now,” Beth replied. “Wearin’ men’s clothes is the only way Philomena an' me can sneak into a saloon an' buy Mexican beer. I hear it tastes divine an' we wanna try it.”

“I can always buy some an' bring it to ya.”

“It ain’t the same. We wanna do it this way. Dressin’ up in disguise will help us in our bounty huntin’.”

“I think I will keep you both pregnant so you can’t go gallivantin’ ‘round chasin’ reward money.” They thought that wuz funny but I wuz serious. We loaded up the bodies an' rode into town. We got a receipt for the bodies from the sheriff an' I didn’t even complain ‘bout the bureauocracy or the burial costs. We sold the horses an' saddles to the livery stable. The wives bought some men’s clothes an' made me promise to bring em back to town for a saloon visit. When we returned home they both wanted to be fucked even though it wuz not their turn.

For no particular reason I thought it a good time to give out the weddin’ bands. The wives wuz surprised an' pleased like I’d hoped an' there wuz a lot of smiles, tears, hugs an' kisses. I then turned to Florry an' Polly who wuz standin’ to the side watchin’.

“I think it is time to forgive for what happened when Beth an' Philomena wuz in Hand Springs. After your babies are born, I will give you two money an' you can go somewheres where you’re not known an' start anew. If you think the babies will be a burden we will keep them here an' raise them.”

“What if one or both of us wish to stay,” Florry asked.

“You can stay on one condition an' that condition is that you consent to become my wives. That means you will be a equal among the wives as long as you promise to love, honor an' obey me.”

They wuz both blushin’. They looked at me, then the wives an' then at each other. They looked at me again an' both nodded. I produced two more rings an' placed them on their fingers. I kissed an' hugged both of them. That made them wives six an' seven. The other wives clapped their hands an' started gabbin’ at each other. There wuz more smiles, tears, hugs an' kisses. So I wuz happy with that result. I didn’t want no children of mine not to know their daddy.

Since I wuz now her husbin’ Florry wuz able to tell me how much she liked bein’ taken ruff like. It wuz nothin’ like she wuz used to with Mister Brown which wuz at night, under the covers an' in the dark. Mister Brown would shove it in, grunt some an' squirt. He never seen her bare naked. Now she knowed how good fuckin’ could be an' she didn’t want the fuckin’ to change now that we wuz man an' wife. I wuz glad for that cuz I didn’t intend to change. In fact, I started fuckin’ all the wives the same way an' two at a time besides.

All the wives ordered a bunch of goods from back east includin’ a passel of books. It wuz time for me to go pick the goods up in town. Florry an' Polly never wanted to show their faces in Hand Springs again so they never went along when I had to go into town. Hannah, Faith an' Hope wuz shy about showin’ their faces in a all white town so they preferred to stay home. Also, Hope wuz showin’ a big belly. That left Beth an' Philomena to go along an' they let me know they wuz wearin’ their men’s clothes so I knowed we wuz gonna make a trip to a saloon to try Mexican beer. We decided to check into a hotel an' make a night of it. We checked in as the Jones brothers so we could all share a room.

We ate supper in a nearby restaurant an' then walked to a saloon. Beth an' Philomena wore big floppy hats that hid their faces an' long hair. They sat at a table an' I went to the bar to buy the beers. Mexican beer costs more than the local beer but it’s supposed to be worth it. I didn’t know cuz this wuz the first time I tasted beer. I brought the beers back to the table an' we started sippin’ our drink. It wuz good. The wives thought so too. Before long a saloon whore come up an' asked if we wanted to have some fun. We all shook our heads.

“Mebbe come pay day,” I said. The gal looked disappointed.

“Be sure to ask for Dotty,” she replied before wanderin’ over to another table.

The wives wanted another round an' I did too. Half way thru that round the wives started gigglin’. They wuz gettin’ drunk an' I wuz feelin’ it too. I knowed I had to git them outa there before we wuz discovered. A woman in a saloon is 'sposed to be a whore an' I didn’t want the wives to be mistaken for whores.

“We are going,” I said an' stood up. They didn’t look happy but they didn’t argue neither. I noticed those two stagger a bit when they rose so we wuz getting’ out just in time. I breathed a sigh of relief when we wuz back on the street but that didn’t last long. Beth started chasin’ after a man an' woman that just walked past an' turned into an alley. It looked like she wuz bein’ dragged actually.

“Where ya goin’?” I could hear her bein’ slapped ‘round.

“I know that girl.”

“It ain’t none of our bizness,” I said. “I’ll git the sheriff if you want.”

“He won’t do nothin’ an' it sounds like you won’t do nothin’ either but I will.”

“Who is it,” Philomena asked.

“Laura Fisher.”

“You gotta do somethin’, Bill,” Philomena gasped. “She helped us.”

I wuz startin’ to git the picture. She had been a friend to my sisters an' now I had to do somethin’ but I didn’t know what. I jest didn’t want Beth getting’ in trouble. I couldn’t shoot the galoot. For all I knowed he wuz her daddy or husbin’. I brought out my trusty slingshot an' lead ball an' got ‘im in the back of the head jest as he wuz ‘bout to take another swing. He groaned an' slumped to the ground. I knowed I couldn’t miss at the range even if I wuz fallin’ down drunk. He wuz gonna have a lump ‘bout the size of a goose egg but I don’t think I killed ‘im. The next thing I knowed Beth an' Philomena wuz leadin’ their friend to our hotel an' I followed.

“You can’t take a woman to your room,” said the hotel clerk. “This is a respectable establishment.” I showed him five dollars.

“This is a respectable tip to keep your mouth shut,” I replied. “Do you understand?”

“I understand completely, sir,” he said an' opened his palm. I give him the five an' he said, “Please be sure to keep the noise down so it doesn’t attract the attention of the other guests.” I ignored his comment an' followed the women to our room.

Well, this wuz the story I got after everybody wuz calm. Laura’s mother died of a fever an' their wuz nobody left in her family. This galoot befriended her but it turned out he wuz no friend. Sam, (that wuz his name) told her he wuz in love with her an' they would be wed but he had to raise a stake an' she could help out by bein’ a whore. Laura refused an' Sam threatened her but no one would help her cuz he wuz tellin’ everybody they wuz already wed an' showed em a paper to prove it. Laura said the paper wuz phony but nobody wuz intrested in her story.

It wuz only tonight that Sam started beatin’ Laura cuz some galoot wuz goin’ to pay him a lot of money for lettin’ the galoot take her virginity. Beth an' Philomena got all riled an' told me we had to help Laura cuz she wuz the one that warned my sisters ‘bout the deal twixt Florry an' Missus Magillicuddy so I had to do somethin’ but I didn’t know what. I told them it wuz time for bed anyway an' we’d talk ‘bout it in the mornin’. I didn’t fuck either one of the wives cuz we had Laura stayin’ with us even though I sure wanted to.

In the mornin’ we sneaked Laura down the back stairs. She come in thru the front door an' had breakfast with us in the hotel dinin’ room. The only thing I could think of wuz to take Laura with us. That way Sam couldn’t take advantage of our friend an' would leave town an' pick on somebody else somewheres else. We kept Laura out of sight 'til it we had the buckboard loaded with our shipment an' it wuz time to go but I guess some galoot spotted Laura an' told Sam.

A man come runnin’ up with the sheriff in tow demandin’ that Laura come with him an' that he arrest us for sluggin’ him the night before an' robbin’ him of a lot of money. His head wuz covered with bandages so I guessed this wuz Sam. Well, of course we denied havin anythin’ to do with sluggin’ anyone but Sam said it wuz likely us cuz we wuz with Laura so that proved it. The sheriff knowed me by now an' he wuzn’t gonna take the word of a man who wuz mostly a stranger in town an' told ‘im so.

Sam said he wuz a personal friend of the govner in Austin an' if the sheriff didn’t arrest us right away he wuz goin’ to send a telegram to the govner demandin' the sheriff be fired an' replaced with a man willin’ to do the job.

“Why don’t you arrest him, sheriff,” said Beth referrin’ to Sam. “He’s a wanted man.” She wuz still dressed in her men’s clothes so she tried to talk in a low voice.

“That’s a foul slander,” shouted Sam. “I’m going to sue you for damagin’ my good reputation.”

“Shut up a minute,” the sheriff told Sam. “How do you know that,” he asked Beth.


“If you check your wanted posters, you’ll find he’s wanted in Ink Wells for defraudin’ widders an' orphans. He went by Simon La Rue there.” Well, Sam’s face turned as white as his bandages. He said he wuz goin’ to the telegraph office right away an' wire his friend the gov'ner but by that time the sheriff grabbed Sam by his coat lapel.

“Do I know you,” said the sheriff. Beth smiled an' nodded. She took off her hat an' shook out her hair. The sheriff smiled back. He knowed Beth wuz pretty good with names an' faces. Sam/Simon wuz hauled off to jail with him protestin’ an' threatenin’ the whole way. I breathed a sigh of relief.

Laura didn’t have no more reason to leave Hand Springs but she didn’t have no reason to stay neither so the wives invited her to come visit for a while so she said yes. Well, you could’ve knocked Laura over with a feather when she discovered Florry an' Polly livin’ with us. Anyway, the wives started tellin’ Laura ‘bout our lives here an' Laura said she wished she could live with us permanent like. The wives said why not but I said not without her bein’ a wife. Laura said okay an' that’s I got wife number eight. I knowed we wuz gonna need a lot more room.

Nothin’ much happened the next coupla years unless you count more pregnancies an' more children. I started to earn more money than I wuz spendin’ from breedin’ an' raisin’ horses which made me happy an' the wives really knowed how to stretch a dollar. I still had a lot of Missus Magillicuddy’s money but I wanted to save that for a rainy day.

I got a late start one night comin’ home from Hand Springs where I picked up some feed an' supplies. It wuz already dark but a full moon wuz out an' I didn’t have no trouble seein’ the road. This wuz one time I wuz alone. I wuzn’t thinkin’ ‘bout nothin’ very much when I heard a strange sound. At first I thought it wuz a animal or the wind. I reined in the mules an' lissened again. Someone wuz cryin’. It sounded like a woman.

Now the Mexicans have this story about this ghost woman who is always cryin’. I forget why she is so unhappy. But some say that anybody who hears her cryin’ is marked for death an' there ain’t a thing in the world a body can do ‘bout it. Well, I ain’t the superstitious type but I couldn’t but help feelin’ a bit uneasy. I reasoned that since I wuzn’t no Mexican there should be no reason why the woman should pick on me if that’s who she wuz.

So I resolved to jest keep on goin’ an' pertend I never heard her in the first place. That’s when I heard the woman say somethin’ in Spanish an' I knowed it wuz the ghost woman an' my time had come even if I wuzn’t no Mexican. Well, a body can’t outrun a ghost an' I didn’t want the animals to come to harm so I jest sat there an' waited for her to come git me.

I finely saw her. She wuz sittin’ on a rock some distance off the road but she wuzn’t payin’ no attention to me. My Spanish ain’t so good but I figured out she wuz prayin’. Could she be a flesh an' blood woman? Jest in case she wuz the ghost woman I decided I would jest go up to her an' explain that I had eight wives an' then maybe she’d feel sorry for me. If she wuz a flesh an' blood woman I’d ask her what she wuz doin’ out in the middle of nowheres after dark.

Well, she turned out to be a real woman an' one in a bad way cuz she wuz pregnant an' the baby wuz ‘bout ready to be born. She didn’t even act surprised when I jest walked up an' asked her if she needed help. I helped her into the buckboard an' took her home. Birthin’ a baby ain’t no big thing ‘round the house ‘specially for the wives. They took one look, told me to git out of the way an' went to work. Three hours later we had a healthy baby boy born to Alma which wuz the mother’s name. Except this baby wuzn’t from my seed.

Alma wuz alone cuz she shamed her famly by taking up with the baby’s father who promised to wed her when she came up pregnant but instead abandoned her. She wuz sure she wuz goin’ to die but then she heard the holy virgin tellin’ her to go with the one she wuz sendin’. Well, no one sent me. I jest happened by. I got to wonderin’ if somebody else wuz lookin’ for her just now but I didn’t say nothin’.

Nobody treated Alma or her son Miguel any different than anyone else...just like family. She had been here for a little over six weeks when Hannah come an' asked me why I wuzn’t makin’ Alma one of the wives.

“She’s waitin’ for you to ask her.”

“Why don’t she ask me?”

“She’s a bit shyer than some of us. Also, she’s already been hurt bad by a man.”

“What about Miguel? You know he ain’t mine.”

“I know you love him as if he wuz,” Hannah replied. “We all do.”

“I won’t treat him no different than from the others.”

“We know that, Bill. Thass why we all loves you. You got a big heart.”


So that’s what I did. I asked Alma to be my wife an' she said yes cuz she already prayed ‘bout it an' the holy virgin said it wuz okay. I finely figured out the holy virgin wuz one of those ghost ladies but she seemed a lot nicer than the weepin’ woman.

Well, our rainy day finally come in the form of a lightnin’ caused brush fire an' high wind. We had time to git our selfs, the livestock an' some personal property out of the way but we couldn’t save our home. Everythin’ else wuz destroyed. I figured it wuz time to move on.

We stayed with Mister Kincaid for a coupla weeks an' durin’ that time I considered my next move. Philomena an' Polly wuz clamorin’ for a place where the children could go to school an' git educated. Beth wanted to become a consultin’ detective after readin’ some stories by A. C. Doyle. That meant the big city an' I figured Austin fit the bill but not too close. I give the livestock to Mister Kincaid. The only animal that come with us wuz Rex.

I bought a small ranch outside Austin but close enough for the children to go to school. That’s when I discovered all the children couldn’t go to the same school cuz some had a darker skin. That made me sad but Florry come up with a solution. She saw a notice in a newspaper. A college educated woman wuz seekin’ a position as a tutor. We talked to her an' wuz impressed. She said she didn’t care what color the children wuz.

Well, I ain’t gonna tell how she become wife number ten or anythin’ else unless you tell me how much you liked the story so far. But I don’t give a Tinker’s dam if you don’t.

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