| 2014-06-10 05:22:52 |
time to fight back
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Pretty good, but goes fast. This is what's called a primary storyline and it's good for action story's because the straight sentences cause the reader to read faster than normal and help convey the urgency and violence. If you want to slow it down between action scenes, try describing the people and their surroundings a bit more. But not too much, let the reader fill in some of the blanks so that they feel some ownership of the story. and don't forget the hero gets the girl, considering the beating he took I think he deserves her! I'd like to see more chapters, looks like a war starting between the bullies and the nerds - brains vs brute force, should be fun! |