sexstories.com
Comments from bearclaw01234
| Date | Story title | Comment |
|---|---|---|
| 2015-06-11 03:21:48 | 8/30/2013 Notice | I need not say much since ye already understand my point on things. So i'll wait anxiously & patiently for the next part of The Angel Next Door (Part 5).. |
| 2016-01-10 03:05:05 | I am the Fountain of Youth - Pt. 1 | decent story but reading it makes ye feel like it's missing a lot because ye don't explain what the characters look like. ye say the "mother" is sexual & seductive looking, but ye don't say exactly what she looks like (saying a woman is sexual & seductive is just as vague as saying a woman is beautiful.. & what is beautiful to one person may not be beautiful to another, which is all the more reason why ye should say exactly what the woman looks like- body type, hair color, eye color, height, weight, bust size, ass size, ect. these details are what help the reader to form a mental picture of the characters & be able to relate to the story & be able to get more into it). Ye MUST put the details of the background, characters, & places either in the beginning of the story or during the story so that the reader can picture it in their mind & be able to relate to it & get further into it. Stories take the reader on adventures but it is bland without descriptions. |
| 2016-03-09 18:49:57 | My sister and me fucked in a tent | Ye REALLY need to learn how to properly write! Nobody wants to read something that is not properly spaced out & looks like nothing but a solid wall of words (not to mention that a person could get dizzy & confused trying to read this crap as it is). Properly space out this & ye will get a lot less negative comments on it! Right now it's just plain garbage that nobody wants to read. |
| 2016-06-02 19:21:37 | My futarani sister part 1 | Good Points: Good Storyline & Dialog, Interesting Story Idea (it's refreshing to see Bad Points: Way too short, needs work on spelling & grammar (example: the title- the word is spelled FUTANARI not Futarani) & ye need to better space out the words since some of them aren't spaced after punctuation marks, need MUCH MORE description of characters (how is a reader supposed to visualize what the characters look like or act like if they aren't described atleast in adequate detail?! Also if a reader can't visualize the characters & scenes then they won't be able to fully immerse themselves in the story & will severely hurt the enjoyability of it), the story felt way too rushed (example: "Mine and Tuffany's boobs pushed together and we met face to face. Suddenly Seirra gets busy again."- this should be extended & shown as atleast a paragraph to show what she is doing & not just be lazy saying that she "gets busy again"). |
| 2016-06-02 19:23:07 | My futarani sister part 1 | Ye have raw talent & a great idea for a story that has the potential to become a very enjoyable series, but ye seriously need to work a lot on those bad points... then ye will have a story worthy truly appreciating. |