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Comments from Zarkin
| Date | Story title | Comment |
|---|---|---|
| 2013-01-30 03:28:41 | Again a very good story. Keep it up. Magic Backlash can be channeled another direction by the way. You can figure that out I think. Gestures can be of assistance to your Warmage - he does that with his swords anyway. Beth needs to learn ball control start with just a small ball and let her expand and contract it. Loved the fire faerie by the way. z |
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| 2013-02-01 22:46:05 | Yes Brootforce publish it. Smashwords also publishes small stories. A good way of sometimes finding vocabulary and speech errors is reading the paragraph/chapter out loud. z |
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| 2014-04-24 07:01:30 | Incest Abroad | You need to break your sentences and paragraphs up to make it easier for the reader. A bit of explanation as to where you are might be good as well. Torpedoes are used in water ships and some space ships. The Air Force is not spaceborn the Space Force is. A Lt would be assigned a bunk in a bay onbord a spaceship. Fighter pilots and spaceborn pilots would be assigned to a bay close to their assigned craft so they can pull alert. No alcohol drinking on most military ships by the way. Research your subject a bit more. this could be a good series just don't rush it. |
| 2014-04-12 04:05:37 | The Wolf and the Rabbit. Part one | You might talk about what happened to put them in the situation they are in. Good overall. |
| 2014-04-06 23:38:04 | Happy Birthday, Lysander. | Good start. Maybe a description of the batarians. |