| 2010-09-18 17:11:56 |
bodyguard_(0)
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godammit don't quit, you are a really good story maker. Not many people actually do get to read it, but i'll tell ya what, I'll send a link of this story to all my friends and try to get as many people to read it appreciate it like i do. |
| 2011-09-09 03:08:19 |
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Great job with creating the story. You really know how to add substance to this genre. That said, there are a few things I would like you to work on: it's okay to describe an event in past tense, but not with sex scenes. The first sex session you went into really felt like someone was telling me their story from last night. I don't want to read a story telling me about a story (especially when about sex). You want your readers to really be absorbed into your work, so make it current, flowing, and exciting (the latter you've done very well with). Also, the other thing I want you to work on is revising your story. It's not just about spell-checking. There are some spots where you've left out whole words, this can easily be remedied by rereading what you've written a few times. As for spell-checking, openoffice (software, just google it) is a great free word processor that is similar to Microsoft Word. Did I mention it's free? lol. |
| 2011-09-09 03:12:42 |
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Oh yeah, also forgot to mention: as a fan of your work, I also feel that this story-line would benefit from the exclusion of pregnancy. Pls and Ty. |
| 2011-12-03 07:38:16 |
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Nice teaser/segue. But this is torture! Please take your time. Create chapters that take a few minutes to finish. Leave status updates on your most recently released chapter letting us know the next part is still being worked on, etc. I understand that as a writer, it takes time to put something you feel is worth publishing. Don't rush it, feel it out. Please continue the story, because I'm hooked now. :) thanks. |
| 2011-12-05 23:55:13 |
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I've visited the website from MCSTORIES.com and both are identical except for the title and author. Starting to look like SeanJay bit this story from someone else. No links back to the original work or anything makes me highly suspicious these submissions are plagiarized. It's all good if the submitter wants to spread knowledge of a good series by posting links and accrediting the author, but to pass it off as their own? That's pretty lame. |