| 2018-10-26 03:14:38 |
The Creators: Book Two, Chapter 5
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So you just killed everyone except Willowbud and Julia. Every character that was in Drastin just got incinerated by Julia, struggling to see how this story can continue. |
| 2018-10-26 03:14:40 |
The Creators: Book Two, Chapter 5
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So you just killed everyone except Willowbud and Julia. Every character that was in Drastin just got incinerated by Julia, struggling to see how this story can continue. |
| 2019-09-10 13:42:33 |
Queen Yavara: Chapter 3
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Nice refinements so far except for Leveria raving about Elena being a "dyke a with a nose for royal cunt", really doesn't sit with the image of the manipulative schemer that she is meant to be. Also the way Elena's sexuality was revealed in your original writing of this story was much better, more subtle left open to many possibilities because it wasn't out in the open. Now it is really shoved in the readers face and out in the open in the story leading to the very obvious conclusion of how events will proceed with her. |