| 2018-07-02 22:20:35 |
Sam & Alicia 9
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My comment was deleted |
| 2018-06-15 19:50:02 |
My wife and friend part 5
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It seems to me Ch 6 should continue to explain how "Carla/Cassie" is brought into the trio relationship to make an unusual quartet (probably with a lot of "girly" interaction) Character building, grammar, etc. is great; story line easy to follow and even believable in unique settings.Also a "page turner"; " what's going to happen next?" Very good all arround! |
| 2018-06-15 20:14:41 |
The Move_(0)
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Fantastic presentation on all your stories I've read! Really excited to see sequal to this & "Slutty Virgins" (in Pampa, Tx) I enjoy the female approach to the stories, (based on truth or fiction/fatasy) Appreciate the way you develop your characters, good grammar, etc. |
| 2018-06-15 20:22:16 |
I'm Telling Dad! II
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I think you need to better identify & develop characters. Starting off, to me it was so confusing, I didn't even get deep into the story. Who is Kurk? Are G |
| 2018-06-15 20:47:56 |
I'm Telling Dad! II
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I think you need to better identify & develop characters. Starting off, to me it was so confusing, I didn't even get deep into the story. Who is Kurk? How are Gina & Tina related. A reader shouldn't have to read the story 2-3 times to learn the characters & their relationship to each other (including the 1st person telling the story). Don't know if this will help your writing techniques or not. Most of the other stories explain the relationship before the interaction gets too hot. Read."mypenname3000, Tina Kerr 36, Louderthansound, to name a few to get the feel of what I'm trying to say to help you write better (for my slow mind). 1st comment incomplete!!! |